The Kids Aren't Alright

I know this is a music Blog, but before I start this week’s much anticipated instalment of musical drivel, I would just like to say a few words about a certain football match in Rome the other day. I’d particularly like to say a massive congratulations to Pep Guardiola and his Barcelona team for one of the finest footballing performances I have ever had the pleasure to watch in my entire life. Utterly utterly stunning flowing fluid-like football from the likes of Xavi, Iniesta and the quite magnificently amazing Leo Messi. As for the team they beat = I have absolutely fuck all to say apart form …. Aaaaaaaaaaagggggggggghhhhhhhh!!!!!!! That is all Right! Festival season is nearly upon us (you can tell as it’s pissing down again and lad’s resembling prisoners or war are walking around with no tops on) and people are starting to become pretty giddy about the fourth coming ‘attractions’, but not everyone is full of the joys of summer … I was reading a blog the other day (traitor, I hear you say) by some fella called Will Hodgkinson who took his kids to a music festival … and, much to his displeasure and discomfort, spent all day in the ‘Kid’s Zone’. He went on to have a good old moan about not being able to see Leonard Cohen (I honestly can’t think why) as he had to spend his entire day watching some jaaag Punch and Judy routine and painting kid’s faces like tigers. Needless to say, he was rather pissed off Now, don’t get me wrong here as many of you avid readers of this Blog who have kids may want to instantly jump on my throat and start saying I’m ‘kid-ist’, which I’m not by the way but don’t you think this complete testicle could have saved himself the anxiety of having to sit around fifty screaming six year old kids by simply just not taking his kids to this music event? That’s what I’d have done that’s for sure! Another thing Mr Hodgkinson didn’t take into account is the fact that many of the major festivals (and some of the smaller ones) are mostly full of grown ups hell bent on having a hedonistic weekend fuelled by drink and drugs whilst listening to very loud music and laughing at people on stilts and getting seriously freaked-out. You could argue it’s an escape from reality, if you like? The people who do take kids away and get up to all of the above activities don’t really bother going to festivals anyway as that’s pretty much the norm for these parents of the year nominations (you’ll also find most of them live in Huyton village as well hanging around Home & Bargain buying shit Everton flags off that tithead who owns the stall there) but that’s another story I suppose? Now I don’t want to sound like a Daily Express Hack here or some sort of doom mongering ‘stiff’, but, in my opinion, there’s a time and place for taking kids to music venues and it’s usually when someone like The Saturdays or Girls Aloud are playing in the Echo Arena for example. And I also know that most people who go to music festivals aren’t exactly the type you see going to Christian Aid gatherings, WI weekends and church fetes! But are Glastonbury, The Isle of White & the V Festivals really the type of environment you want your kids to be in for the weekend? I know these places are hardly swarming with the likes of Myra Hindley or Purple Akey, but to be honest with you here I’d rather take my kids (if I had any) to a weekend away at Wally World with Ian Huntley as the tour guide. A long time ago (when people were still allowed to smoke in pubs) I used to have problems with kids being allowed in pubs as well as music venues for that reason, I still do in a certain way as pubs can be full of rather unpleasant characters (inside and outside) getting up to all kinds of naughty stuff. But the way I see it is if people want to mix having a good time whilst being in a nice friendly family environment I’d suggest a weekend away at your nearest Centre Parks instead of sitting in a field with a bunch of skunked-up hippies playing an out of tune guitar and eating warm lentils while taking serious amounts of mind-blowing acid all weekend!! And for the record, I also wouldn’t subject any child of any age to the music of Leonard Cohen either as that’s just way too cruel for ears of any age to have to put up with. Mr Hodgkinson (and Social Services): please take note Mol