Justin Time to Save the Day

Justin Bieber – I know what your think – “why the fuck are you talking about this little gimp?” well, the truth is this – he’s changed and he’s changed for the better!

 

Now I know you may well be turning your browser back over to some dodgy site you were previously viewing, but hear me out here will ye?

 

Cast your mind’s back to good few years ago when this fresh-faced young rapscallion turned up with a face that made pretty much every teenager around the world piss their panties in sheer excitement and sold out concert stadiums in seconds! He was the new face of an age old tradition of young, good looking boys in the pop business who were cleaner than George Osborne’s double ender! In other words - he basically (apart from his music, of course) could not do anything wrong!

 

Until now...

 

Breaking News – Bieber has turned into a man! Not just any ordinary man, but a rowdy, drinking, drug-fuelled, late on stage every night, couldn’t give a flying fuck man!

 

It has even got to the stage where he has dangled more than a Jacko-style baby off the balcony of his hotel and grebbed on his own fans! Shocking behaviour, I’m sure you’ll agree

 

Now, I’m not saying that spitting on your own fans, drinking under age (which of course none of us have done … ahem!), taking drugs (ahem) and being a general bell end is alright, but you have to remember one thing here and one thing only – when was the last time you seen a pop/rock star acting like a rock star? We have been crying out for it since at least the 90’s when we had a good handful of them on the Britpop scene in Britain and the Grunge scene in the American West Coast!

 

The world is currently full with pathetic, smiling, cringe-worthy pop stars who are hell bent on conforming with their sponsors every need to endorse products that they get paid more for instead of the money they receive from their music!

 

The image of your average modern day pop star is so squeaky clean the majority of them would almost certainly be allowed to meet (or have sex with) royalty, American presidents and other distinguished dignitaries the world over!

 

I know I’ve banged on about this before, but compare this lovely bunch of Cherubs to the bunch of sex-craved, drug-fuelled louts you associated with the late 70’s such as The Sex Pistols, The Stranglers or even Fleetwood Mac and there is simply no contest! If by some bizarre and surreal circumstances their paths mat at the height of their fame, they would drink them under the table after 5 minutes, skin them alive and do more than flush their heads down the bog just for a laugh!!

 

Musicians back then cared about 2 things – music & excess! The money came last behind their reputations and of course what people thought of them!! In other words – they were human beings who weren’t separated from the real world and knew how to enjoy themselves while not giving a shit what people thought of them! Compare that attitude towards the lifestyle of a musician today and there is a world of difference!

 

So, next time you look at the antics of Justin Beiber and you think what a horrid little shit he really, think yes, but remember, the things he gets up to are a lot more entertaining than most of the boring bastards you see prancing around on stage these days who are too scared to say “shit” in case any of their sponsors get offended and pull the plug on their lucrative six figure endorsements!

 

The only bad thing to come out of this though is that it’s just a pity it had to be Beiber who was acting rock n roll and not someone more worthy!

 

Mol

 

 

The Greatest Song Ever Written?

Every once in a while a song comes along that makes you think “how and where the hell did they get the inspiration to write such a song”

Personally, I’ve never really liked “Stairway” that much due to being an obsessive Zeppelin fan and obviously the stigma that has attached itself to the band over the years (some of the members actually dread the song due to being bombarded with requests to play the song by some of their more ‘pushy’ fans over the years)

But, when you see the song being performed by what can only be described as a ‘Pub Band’ containing one seriously bad show off guitarist (complete with extra Billy Ocean odour) and two seriously fit, talented ladies (complete with leather kex, boots and a pout that makes Posh Spice look like a chicken with a nettle stuck in its grid) – it kind of makes you stay and listen along to the song that usually fills you with dread.

So, coat on and half way out the door - listen I did. And, I’m glad I stayed as it was performed by previously mentioned Billy Ocean smelling show off and his two squeezes with the most exact, pinpoint accuracy I have ever had the joy to watch in my life.

After leaving the venue with a smile on my face and a sort of semi-on, I thought I‘ll have to go home and listen to it again. Sadly I couldn’t find the leather kex me missus used to wear years ago so she had to make do with a pair of mine (which, to be honest, were a bit loose around her arse, but hey ho)  

So, having listened to the song on my headphones with a slightly dizzy head due to afore mentioned erotic experience, it dawned on me – is Stairway to Heaven by Led Zeppelin the greatest song ever written?

The greatest song ever written is of course a touchy, murky, controversial subject that has been argued about for years by people who take such partisan views to the max and stick to their guns even though you think their talking gout of their hoops! But, I’m gonna (try) and sort out and maybe, without, sounding too much in Led Zep’s ‘corner’, make my point for ‘Stairway’ to be placed at the top of the table. 

Firstly, the lyrics courtesy of the one and only Golden God himself – Robert ‘Percy’ Plant: A lot of the lyrics (like most Zep songs) are stooped in mystery and confusion. The opening line “There a lady whose sure all that glitters is gold and she’s buying a stairway to heaven” – what does this mean? Is it a reference to the lost generation of hippies who yearned for the sixties ‘feel’ to return to their lives? Or, as popular opinion goes, it’s a reference to the hordes of Groupies that followed the band around complete with their very dangerous drug habits! Maybe, maybe not! That was the beauty of Plant’s lyrics – he made himself out to be a poet, but he wasn’t, he was just a rough arse from Birmingham who was graced with a phenomenal voice that sprouted into one of the most iconic vocalists of all time.

Plant’s other outstanding attribute was his range of vocal techniques which are evident in all 3 parts of ‘Stairway’. Plant could mix the ‘rough’ (“and as we wind on down the road/our shadows taller than our souls”) with the quaint (“Ooooooh and it makes me wonder”)

But, without doubt, the lyrics in this song are Plant’s finest. Here are a few examples:

“There’s a feeling I get, when I look to the west, and my spirit is crying for leaving”

“When she gets there she knows, if the stores are all closed, she can’t get what she came for”

“Through my thoughts I have seen, rings of smoke through the trees, and the forests will echo with laughter”

In a tree by the brook, there's a songbird who sings, sometimes all of our thoughts are misgiving”

Plant, although extremely comfortable in any Zep song, you get the feeling feels truly at home singing on this song! If you get a minute, sit back and have a very close listen to his voice in this song! You could almost imagine him sat there in his (overly) skin tight kex (2 eggs in a hanky), spliff in hand waving the other hand in the air while contemplating softly singing the words “does anyone remember laughter??”

Second, there was a certain member of Zeppelin who was playing guitar when he left the womb, a guitarist who was so talented with playing gut-wrenching guitar riffs and solos that he actually found time to produce some of the finest albums ever made! He is, of course, James Patrick Page – the TRUE driving force that made Zeppelin the band they were and encrusted them into rock n roll history that will never be forgotten!!

As for his ‘effort’ on ‘Stairway’ you only have to listen to the production work on the 4 (or so) guitars he plays on the actual song! It sounds like there are no over dubs at all as it sounds THAT good! Clear, crisp and, as always in Page’s case – perfect! He was THAT good!! Simple as that.

From the picking intro through to the end – the guitar work is quite simply superb and flawless. You can listen to any version you want whether it be on The Song Remains the Same, Led Zep 4, Celebration Day or the darkest depths of YouTube – Page does NOT waver! He does not flinch! In my opinions, it is without doubt one of the finest pieces of guitar work ever witnessed by anyone in the history of music!

Jimmy Page – I tip my hat!

Thirdly, the production: I only have a few words to say on this matter and it is quite simply this – Led Zeppelin’s 4^th album which contains ‘Stairway’ was released 42 years ago! FORTY TWO YEARS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fourthly, in my opinion, the rhythm section of John Paul Jones & John Bonham’s contribution to this record is pretty minimal. This is mainly due to the fact that Page & Plant (just for a change) stole the show! But, the drumming towards the end of the 2^nd ‘section’ and throughout the 3^rd ‘section’ is absolutely outstanding. As for Jones’ contribution, the organ he plays at the intro makes the intro feel almost like some sort of Christmas song Bing Crosby

Finally, there is one endearing quality that will always exist in ‘Stairway’ and it’s this – whenever anyone hears it they always roll their eyes with that ‘here we go’ expression all over their Chevy Chase waiting for some dodgy gimp with a mullet sporting a denim sawn-off on to do that stupid lighter-waving-in-the-air-routine!

But the truth is this – deep down, they know they are hearing one on the greatest, thought provoking song that has ever been written. Why is this? Is it because it makes you feel good? Is it because it makes you feel some sort of guilt that you never bothered to pick up the guitar or have a crack at singing and try to emulate your heroes? Personally, I think it makes me feel good as I am in total awe of this song and the great great band that produced this song!

So, there you have it – is Stairway to Heaven the best song ever written?

Personally I think Jumpin’ Jack Flash pisses on it!

But that’s another matter!

 

 

Mol

 

 

 

I Kissed a Girl and I Lied About It

Was having a riveting conversation a few weeks back with the missus about pop music. I was havin a ‘Chas n Dave’ while the missus was listening to some jaaag music channel in the bedroom when ‘I kissed a girl’ by Katy Perry came on. As I started chuckling to this song as I like to do, my missus enquired about my sudden bout of joviality. I then went on to ask my wife the question “did Ms Perry really kiss (or fuck) another girl or did she simply prove the shock factor that usually accompanies debut singles these days? – hence, was she telling porkies?
 

But, there are a few interesting slants, not just to Ms Perry’s alleged bean-flicking rendezvous’ with her comfortable shoe wearing friends – there is a whole new sinister side to this genre of modern day pop music

 

Firstly, no one tells the truth anymore when it comes to ‘writing’ songs. FACT! Pop Singers have to rely on fantasy and make believe to sell their records (that they write themselves, of course) to sell their products to their fans and other assorted curious flunkies mingling within the general public!

 

And, the really sad part of this is the idiots who actually BUY these songs/albums actually believe them! Beleibers – anyone???

 

This, nicely, leads me onto the current state of the song writing industry in general and the effects it has on the general public (you know who they are – they’re the mindless biffs who you work with who read Heat & Hello magazine who prattle on about …. Well I’ll get to that) …

 

Let’s use Rihanna as an example here – whilst she’s not singing about diamonds (??) or staging publicity shots of her falling out of nightclub with her latest (comfortable shoe wearing) friend or ‘standing by’ her low life boyfriend who (allegedly) beats the fucking shit out of her – does anyone really believe that she has the slightest traces of being a real person underneath all of this bullshit? She is one seriously fucking detached fucked up bitch who, it has to be said here, is gonna go the same way a certain Ms Winehouse did a few years back. Anyone who has her in a death sweep is onto a winner in my opinion.

 

Personally I couldn’t give two shits if her ‘boyfriend’ beats the shit out of her as, to be really honest her, and i know it may sound a bit insensitive to say this, but does he??? One things for sure though – she has played the sympathy card like a true champ! She may have even taken some tips from Cheryl ‘ah love ye’ Cole which can only mean one thing – ch-ching! How long before the book deal(s) eh?

 

This Blog also coincides with the great loss to the world of music that JLS (Just Lousy Singers) have announced they have split up and will be dedicating the rest of their time to modelling them really bent white vests that students wear these days. Of course, there is a slight interlude that will consist of a few more singles, an album and a ‘farewell’ tour before they hang up their vests. Which basically means two things:

 

1. They are NOT splitting up

2. They are trying to play catch up to One Direction

 

Anyone who thinks any different than these two points is a sad, pathetic, brain-washed dickhead who should serious consider suicide (if you haven’t already). Then again, I hope JLS realy do split up as it will leave just One Direction to do the right thing and (hopefully) a really messy, blood-soaked suicide from Justin Beiber!!! Then – i will rest!

 

Finally, I know the saying ‘smoke and mirrors’ is banded about a lot these days in the world of Show Business, but in my opinion it is becoming more and more ridiculous as each days passes! ‘Celebrity’, fame and music are morphing into one great bit shining beacon of loveliness, perfection, and glitter that far too many people are taken in by!

 

Pop Stars are becoming more and more detached from reality and normal society that they are bordering on the same level as Premiership Footballers! (who also have a penchant for spinning few yarns)

 

So, to quote John Lennon – “just gimme some truth!”

 

I hear that, John

 

 

 

 

Mol

 

 

Storm in a Teacup - I Bet You Think This Album Cover is about You

I was trawling through Spotify the other day looking for a few tracks to add to my already bulging playlist and I came across the seminal and quite brilliant debut album from Super Group (yeah, I hate that term as well) – Blind Faith! In case you’ve never seen the cover it I can only be described as a picture of a naked pre-pubescent girl holding some sort of silver object that looks remarkably like a British Vulcan Bomber (yes, I know, it was really tempting to make some sort of Jimmy Saville joke there, but I didn’t …. Er ….)

 

Anyway, as I was adding tunes and looking at the rather surprising and in some cases slightly disturbing album cover – it got me thinking that no one has slightly bizarre album covers anymore as many musicians/groups are too obsessed with having pictures of themselves on their album covers instead!

 

Now I know the world of pop/rock music has always been full of self-centred, self-obsessed beautifully wonderful human beings and for years many albums have had the occasional album cover featuring said artist/band in some sort of wacky, embarrassing, catalogue-style pose set in some exotic location.

 

Sadly, they are pretty much the norm these days and they are really starting to grind on me!!

 

Bill boards featuring massive King Kong-size photos of say: Rhianna are bad enough, but having to endure the same image over and over again with on-line pop ups, the side of buses, shop windows and other media outlets takes self promotion and vanity to a whole new level!  

 

Now, don’t get me wrong here, I know most of the great bands from the past EG: Cream, The Stones, The Beatles, etc, etc have all been responsible for having photos of themselves on their album covers, but lets be honest  here – it was only a small handful and the photos taken were at least shot by a professional photographer.

 

These days, the likes of One Direction (down), Adele, Take Twat and other assorted, perfect looking flunkies seem to be far too obsessed with images of themselves.

 

Instead of having a nice, glitzy, glamorous photo of themselves, would they really sell as many albums if they had a picture of say someone’s house or a block of flats (see Led Zeppelin’s classic album cover for Physical Graffiti) on the cover of their latest release? Simple answer is no! The reason for this obviously lies in the hands of the artist’s all-powerful record label and more to the point – the marketing department! This also points to the controversial point that artists no longer have a say in not just what they record, but how it is packaged and designed!

 

Which brings me nicely to my final point which is somewhat of an obituary:

 

This week saw the sad news of the death of one of the most important people who was responsible for creating some of the most iconic album covers ever designed – Storm Thorgerson.

 

In case you didn’t know, Storm Thorgerson has created some of the most superb and stand out albums covers for bands such as Led Zeppelin, Black Sabbath and Muse and most notably and successfully – Pink Floyd.

 

The most iconic, famous and intriguing designs Thorgerson created though has to be the front cover of Pink Floyd’s Dark Side of the Moon. It is still as stylish and as baffling today as it has always been, but its one redeeming feature and lasting trait would be this – it is original!

 

As well as having one of the coolest names ever, Thorgerson’s work had a level of perfectionism that has, in my opinion, never been repeated when it comes to album sleeve designing.

 

If you get a couple of minutes, have a look at the inner sleeve design for Pink Floyd’s Wish You Were Here album. The photography and attention to detail is outstandingly brilliant!

 

Now, compare Thorgerson’s works of art to the latest offerings from One Direction or Justin ‘I’m not Keith Moon’ Beiber for example and you will soon realise that the world of music doesn’t just have a problem with the music side of things … it also has an image problem as its nothing short of cheap and nasty!

 

Storm Thorgerson – RIP

 

 

 

Mol

 

 

 

The Fading Strokes of Influence

 

Today I was having a listen to 6 Music in the kitchen when the rather tedious, but strangely sexy Edith Bowman announced the imminent arrival of the new track from The Strokes called One Way Trigger from their forthcoming new album Comedown Machine

 

So, knife down, cider open and volume up as the Goulash could wait! … My disappointment could not have been more exaggerated if you tried as it had to be one of the biggest piles of shit if have ever heard in my life!! – synth pop of the highest order! (Think: Kraftwerk meets Girls Aloud and you might get the picture)

 

So, without further ado, as the less said about this pile of wank the better, let’s go back to 2001 and reflect on a band that was a focal point of that new, hip and cool music scene in New York – The Strokes! Not only did they release one of the best debut albums of all time – ‘Is This It’ the band had everything! – great lyrics, great production, hype, talent to back up the hype, two outstanding lead guitarists, charismatic lead singer, more hype and most important of all – influence!

 

Is This It represented more than just a cool looking bunch of outcasts in The Strokes – it started a new scene of Indie/Rock music paving the way for a new era of bands like The Vines, Kings of Leon, Franz Ferdinand, Black Rebel Motorcycle Club, The Walkmen and Arcade Fire. The afore mentioned use of guitars was re-born and the art of guitar playing was well and truly in the ascendancy! Influence of the guitar was back up and running!

 

Sadly, for the true troubadours of this scene – The Strokes – the year is now 2013 and it has to be said – they are sadly still living off that time and most important of all – they’re name!

 

And, four rather scrappy, poor and in some instances dire albums later they simply haven’t ‘moved on’ at all. I’m not really saying there is a whiff of desperation about the chaps in The Strokes, but you do get the feeling they are slightly hanging onto past glories. Either that or they are honouring their current record deal in the faint hopes of securing one last big pay day as they push into their late thirties

 

Now, don’t get me wrong here people as I’ve always been a massive fan of The Strokes, but this whole scenario kind of reminds me of a famous Bill Hicks sketch when he talks about Elvis when he died. If you’re not familiar with it, he basically calls for Elvis to be shot dead sometime in the late fifties when he was (as some people put it) at the height of his fame and not over weight, high on coke and a drunken mess!

 

Bill’s point was that people will remember Elvis as a young, fit, handsome and talented man instead of the rather portly chap he was when he died.

 

Now, everyone knows that apart from a very small handful, not every band/artist can hold the title of being influential throughout ALL of their career. The Strokes are 100% proof of this fact!

 

Sad for them really as I rather like(d) them

 

 

 

Mol