Fame! I Wanna Study Forever!!!!

I was having a Chas ‘n’ Dave the other morning (no shell washing in case your wondering) listening to some jaaag radio phone in about music academies and how many young people around the country are taught to play instruments and how to sing when they attend them. At one stage I nearly severed my head from my shoulders as I was shaking my head in disbelief so much. One young lady rang into the show to say that she was attending one of these academies on a three year course to learn … wait for it … the bass guitar. Now, don’t get me wrong, bass guitar is one of the most important instruments in the set up of any band, any musician will tell you that, but does it really take three years to learn? I can see the future female answer to Mark King coming up there I reckon (I just hope she doesn’t hold her Bass right up to her tits like King does) This is all a far cry since the days when I studied music in school. Our studying was actually cut short as our music teacher found out his wife was shagging someone else behind his back and he decided to cut short his life after hanging himself. I often thought we drove him to it actually as we were slightly rowdy. Then again, he was a bit of a tit so, probably deserved it This isn’t a really favourite subject of mine as every time I think of music teachers I can’t help but think of the really annoying Jack Black in the film School of Rock. If he was my music teacher I’d be taking that SG of his and smashing it over his fat fucking head to be honest!! Anyway, as regards learning music, the way I see it is that no one can teach you how to write music as it should come naturally. If it doesn’t there’s no point trying to ‘force’ yourself into being a good musician/songwriter is there as the chances of you writing something decent are pretty slim if you ask me. If you do write something good it’s an obvious sign of natural talent. Maybe then it should be nurtured in some way, but I still feel encouragement should stop at some point to let the natural side of your talent to expand, grow and flourish. The last think you need if your trying to write/learn is someone like the afore mention Black egging you on and giving you some sort of inspirational pep talk!! So, if you see spending thousands of pounds of your hard earned cash to teach your kids how to play the fucking bass guitar for three years as value for money, think again. Tell them to teach themselves as I’ll guarantee they’ll get a hell of a lot more enjoyment out of it by joining a band with their mates instead of having three years intense study with a bunch of boffins who wear tweed jackets with elbow pads on them. So people, If you’re still in two minds by then, just send your budding musical off springs round to Mart’s to get wrecked with him at the ‘Wabble Lounge’ as he’ll teach you how to play the bass in ten minutes, that’s how long it took him! If all else fails in learning the bass, you’ll at least learn how to roll a boss Spliff!! Mol