The Conveyer Belt of Monotony Continues

Stayed in on Saturday night as I went out for a few drinks with the missus in the after noon and (as usual) took the knock so (as usual) had to go home (via the chippy, of course). After a quick kip on the couch I woke up … and thought I was having the worst night mare ever as right before my hazy eyes was none other than two fucking twin Irish gimps singing the most cringe worthy song (I don’t remember the exact track off the top off my head as I was still a bit drunk/tired) I have ever had the utter most displeasure of subjecting to my ears to in my entire life!! It was so bad that in order to control my utter rage at this rather disgusting awakening, I decided I had to leave the room immediately before smashed the place to fucking pieces or my chippy tea made a rather premature re-appearance all over my living room floor!! As I sat up stairs (sulking) and watching something on the Discovery Channel, I couldn’t help but let X factor dwell on my mind. It simply would not go away as it was affecting me that much! So, as I often do when something is getting on my nerves in the world of music (and I use the term ‘music’ loosely when I’m referring to X Factor) I decided to write this Blog Now, avid readers of Mol’s Sound Words will remember way back in November, when I started this Blog, that my debut effort into the ‘Blog Community’ was about X Factor and the affect it has on music. So, in the hope that someone high up in ITV or even Simon Cowell himself are reading this, one year on (approximately), here are my genuine reasons for the complete cessation of X factor and all things associated with it: It is no longer a Saturday night ‘fad’ as this bile has now spread to Sunday nights as well. So much for Sunday being a day of rest or about watching Sunday Night at The Palladium X Factor has, so far, wheeled out two washed up druggies in the shape of Whitney Houston and Robbie Williams as their ‘inspiration’ to the contestants taking part during that week. Hardly the ideal role models you’d agree? Sadly, in the eyes of Cowell, he sees them as musical heavyweights. Personally I think he’s also struck a deal with them to resurrect their failing careers by getting them to appear on the show. Everyone’s a winner in the world of television! And everyone who crosses the path of Simon Cowell will also have their palms crossed with gold It has finally become acceptable to like the people who take part in X Factor regardless of their ‘talent’ because they are (adopts sympathetic voice and rests hand on heart) … nice! Take, for example, Cheryl Cole. Ah Cheryl Cole: the new shining beacon of loveliness taking a stand against everything bad (including her husband’s wondering eye and his pathetic little ear ring) in the world and sprinkling it with nice glitter and coming out with her usual chestnut of “loving” everyone who manages to turn on their water works (tears) and reduces her to a quivering emotional wreck. Personally, I don’t think I’ve ever seen such a pathetic woman in the entire history of light entertainment! It has also become acceptable to ‘like’ people who come on the show and tell their sob stories. Take that fella last year who lost his wife and brought up his kid on his own! Sad story I’m sure we all agree, but, and here’s the but, no matter what personal tragedy you have had in your life it doesn’t mask the fact that you can’t fucking sing! Sadly, we love people like this in our country and come out with ridiculous comments like “ah, he deserves it after what he’s been through” or “Ah, isn’t he lovely? Poor fella”!!! this type of ‘loser’ mentality is the main reason we will never be good at producing singers or even sportsmen and women capable of winning things at the pinnacle they aspire to be at. It’s alos the main reason many other countries around the wolrd laugh their balls off at us for adopting such sympathy! Re-branding! Ah, how fucking sick does this make me feel. Alexander Burke (last years winner in case you didn’t know) is now being touted as the next Beyonce or Mariah Carey and, in the words if Simon Cowell, is “capable of selling just as many records”!! Now, Cowell adopted a similar tone regarding a certain Shane Ward when he hit ‘the big time’ a few years ago. Little did Cowell realise that this Pikey actually comes from a family rich in the crime industry. What happened to Ward next? Yes! That’s right: he’s working at Butlin’s singing with a backing tape and a beat box shagging the odd Yellow Coat who vaguely recognises him from the telly! Alexander Burke: are you reading? If so, I feel a Halleluiah moment coming on (get it?) Christmas! Christmas used to be a time when it was traditional to sit off and listen to Cliff Richard and Mr Blobby while you’re stuffing mince pies down your grid. Now, thanks to X factor, we have to put up with the winner of this shit each year without failure! What a crock of fucking shit! Cowell has not only taken over the television, but he’s also taken over Christmas!! What next? The internet? The Radio? The world? What a complete twat!! Cover Versions. It’s quite hard to actually believe how long this fucking shit has actually been going now. But, the penny really sinks when you have new contestants singing cover versions of previous contestants! This is an obvious sign that Cowell and his gang of pathetic wanna-be’s seriously scraping the barrel with regards to what they can ‘sing’ that night. It’s also blatant self gratification on Cowell’s behalf (the view from his ivory tower this time of year must be wonderful for him) The Voting Culture. I’m not really sure here if this voting system/culture started with X Factor as there are many programmes that adopt this ploy, most notably being Strictly Come (Cum) Dancing, Big Brother and I’m A Celebrity Get me A Career Out If This. After recently watching Deadliest Catch (one of my favourite programmes by the way), I noticed that on one boat that one of the Captains said he was gonna have a vote to what Deck Hand he was gonna sack and keep at the end of the fishing trip!! This totally shocked me as I feel it is yet another part of X Factor culture seeping into the ‘decent’ part of society. Parts of society you thought were un-reachable from the drivel that is X Factor!! Sadly, it’s not. The spread of disease continues. I wonder where it will spread to next? The Old Bailey? Number 10? The Whitehouse? Aaaaaaaand breathe Now, I know some of you may well think I’m going a bit over the top here with ranting and raving about all things X factor, but the truth is it really does grind in my shells!! I can’t help it and that’s the truth. My ideal world would consist of no reality television and no X factor. Mol-Topia I suppose you could call it? I also had a brainwave the other day with thoughts on them two Irish Spikey-Haired Gimps who everyone and their fucking dog seem to be talking about these days. The thought I had was that I really do hope they win X Factor. Maybe then people will hopefully see the programme for what it is = a Conveyer Belt of Monotony and a river of total stinking shit that is quite simply fixed beyond belief. Cowell is personally over seeing this programme like some Jedi Master adopting the old adage that “any publicity is good publicity” and it sucking stinks to high heaven. Good on Sting for his comments this week. Just need a few more ‘influential people’ to come out with similar outbursts and maybe the penny will drop. But! My dear readers, all is not that bad in the world of Simon Cowell and his ridiculous black t-shirts and tits high kex! There is a god! It seems the endless drivel of X Factor bullshit has finally tipped one person over the edge during a certain book signing a few weeks ago when one rather superb chap decided to spark Leona (or Leona The Moaner as I like to call her) Lewis right in the chops. Give that man a fucking medal and a knighthood right now!! A job as Head of Light Entertainment at ITV also wouldn’t go a miss Finally, if by any chance there are any avid viewers of x Factor reading this, I would just like to ask you one final telling question? Do you really think the people who get through to the ‘business end’ of the programme can sing? If your answer is yes, I suggest you either have a listen to Florence and the Machine singing the live version of You’ve Got the Love or the girl who sings live on Jay Z’s latest song Empire State of Mind and reassess your opinion, your life and your choice in music Either that or book yourself in for a lobotomy!! Mol