All We Are Saaaaaaaaayyyying, Is Giiiiiive Us Some Cash??

Last week saw the rather hilarious actions of a young woman taking part in a protest against the business secretary Peter Mandleson as she threw a cup of green custard over him splattering him right in the kite. This singular act of heroism proved one thing about people who believe in such a cause that such drastic measures are needed and indeed taken. In a way it got me thinking about protest songs and I realised one thing: I hate them and they’re shit! Thanks for reading, goodnight! Seriously though, I always associate protest songs with sweaty hippies, female singers with tits like bee stings or lunatic over the top lefties such as Billy Bragg!! Utterly annoying!! I have also come to the conclusion the people who write these songs are bad phoneys. So I was thinking the other day: do these people who write protest songs really believe in the ‘cause’ they are singing (or protesting) about or are they just in it for the money? If you listen to the ‘Whales’ of protest singers such as John Lennon, Bob Dylan & Marvyn Gaye and their songs about peace & confusion surrounding the Vietnam war, you might think they are genuinely concerned about the events in that country, but the sceptic in me thinks otherwise and says they are jumping on the peace song bandwagon (blowin’ in the wind, what’s goin’ on, give peace a chance, etc, etc) = all superbly written songs … which, and this is my main point her, also made the writers a hell of a lot of money. Is that their reasons for writing these songs, or were they too off their tits on acid and strong weed to know what they were really singing about? So, as this is a Blog about music I’ve done a bit of research on a couple of famous protest songs and their creators and come up with a few alternative reasons behind their lyrics/song background. Here are a few of my examples of so called protest songs and what they were maybe trying to point out … Big Yellow Taxi: Joni Mitchell. This is Joni Mitchell’s view of Hawaiian paradise rudely interrupted by her view of a massive concrete parking lot. Take these lyrics for example: "Took all the trees, put 'em in a tree museum/And charged the people a dollar and a half just to see 'em" Joni is obviously living in a different world with a totally unrealistic ideology (either that or she’s smoked way too much green) She also mentions farmers in Taxi about there being too much concrete in her afore mentioned Hawaiian paradise. Maybe she should look at all the un-used land that in absolute abundance across the USA because of red tape and write a protest song about that? She could call it Big Yellow Empty Field, maybe? Midnight Oil: Beds are burning. I think this is quite possibly the most shitbag, cowardly protest song I have ever heard. Take the lyrics in one part of the song for example: “The time has come to say fairs fair, to pay the rent, to pay our share,” Now, I can’t help but laugh when I hear this song, but this is obviously a song about land being snatched from the indigenous people of Australia. But how fucking defeatist does it sound? Obviously, after listening to this record, Aborigines all around Australia must be thinking “fuck me, I really believed in these guys and now their basically giving in to ‘the Man’ and letting them walk over us and build a massive casino or shopping complex on our holy land”. Maybe the band lost members of their family during the massive land grab that the marauding British convicts took from them many years ago? Who knows, either way you don’t set about writing a protest song about giving in do you? Pah! Rage against the Machine: Sleep Now in the Fire: Ah, RATM = everyone’s favourite little rich kids from the privileged backgrounds of Middle Class America going on about how much bad money has done to the U S of A and dream about the possibility of some sort of communist revolution taking hold (It’s also swelled their respective bank balances quite a lot as well). But, before you wanna write a song about the evils of the filthy mullah, it might be a good idea to not show off your million dollar mansions in an episode of MTV Cribs showing the people of the world how you live in luxury because of the X amount of million dollars you have ‘earned’. It’s a pity about the lyrics though as the song starts with an absolute demon riff from Tom Morello Public Enemy: Fight The Power. In my opinion released twenty years too late. The song should have been released in the early 60’s when blacks in some Southern American states were really being oppressed (or murdered you could say?) by the local rednecks. Now, Niall Ferguson I am not, but they’re a bit late with their message releasing the song in the 80’s, but good education for the youth of today willing to know about American racial prejudice. The Sex Pistols: God Save the Queen. A tongue in cheek message by anarchic lunatics who (rather intelligently) looked at the state of Britain in the late 70’s under the doomed Labour government of the time “There’s no future in England’s dreaming” Now, were these mindless lyrics or genuine heartfelt compassion for the demise of their own country? (Google: Britain under Harold Wilson’s Labour) What ever the case I actually think John Lydon was smarter then he made himself out to be. You only have to read his lyrics to see that. But, if you believe he wasn’t in it for the money, just look at his latest adverts for British Butter!! So, why do these songs exist and why, in fact, do protest singers exist? Are they gonna change a country’s legislation on war, education, religion, racial prejudice or the fact that Jaffa Cakes shouldn’t be in the biscuit isle in supermarkets? Nah! Somehow I don’t think any government in the western world are gonna give two shits if someone writes a song about them or has their picture taken with Bono & Nelson Mandela just so they can ‘push’ their cause. Personally I think politics & music is a walking musical disaster always destined to fail miserably. I’m not saying everyone should ‘down tools’ if you are about to write a protest song and start singing about love, fluffy teddy bears & women’s bottoms, but at least don’t try and take the piss out of your audience just because you have some sort of disjointed political belief when in fairness you just wanna make some money. At least give them that? So, as everyone’s feeling the pinch at the moment, let’s gather round in a circle, down a pint of warm lager from a plastic cup and pretend we’re in the Quad or The State and have a good old moral-lifting sing-a-long to the words of a famous John Lennon song … Aaaaallll together now … … “Aaaaaaaaall we are saaaaaaaaaaying, is giiiiive uuus some cash! ………” Peace out! Mol