The Naughties - How Was It For You?

Before I start this, I would like to offer my sincere apologies for continually saying the word Naughties. I know I sound like some sort of Carry On character, but if there were another word to use, I would use it. Sadly, there isn’t so tough shit! So, the Naughties eh? Wasn’t much was it? Personally I think this was the decade music became more easily available to the consumer. Look at itunes, downloads (legal and illegal), Twitter, Facebook and, most significant of all: the rise of music sales through supermarkets. Personally I think the last thing on people’s minds when buying spuds is to have Leona Lewis and Alexander Burke blasting out of the tannoy speakers that are specifically designed to locate kids who have ran off from their Ma’s. In some examples, quite a few tabloid and broadsheet newspapers gave away free vouchers to download music these days. Quite a long way from giving away a free CD on the front cover of Smash Hits or the NME isn’t it? As regards the music scene, nothing of the previous ‘controversial’ eras such as punk, grunge and rock seemed to be present in this decade. Everything seemed more ‘nice’ and ‘clean’ and, if were being coy here, pleasant. Apart from the obvious Doherty and Winehouse, Pop stars have become, in my opinion, too approachable this decade. Too squeaky clean! Too nice! And, it has to be said, too POP! Remember the days when you used to see musicians falling out of nightclubs with a page three bird on their arm or throwing telly’s out of hotel windows? I can’t remember the last time I seen anything like that happen. As for the darker side of music this decade, there really is no contest when it comes to who has been the Big Bad Wolf, and I’m guessing you know who I’m talking about here. Music ‘Gurus’ such as Simon Cowell & Louis Walsh became bigger than some of their acts this decade. Their operations for their Ego Extensions and Sense of humour by-passes must have took all of the nineties to prepare themselves for the Naughties. Reality television gave birth to the humble unknown who can make it big, which, of course leads me to X Factor. Love it or hate it, it has been without doubt the biggest music phenomena this decade. Maybe that’s the reason mainstream & underground music has took such a ‘back seat’ and had the rather controversial figures of the afore mentioned Pete Doherty & Amy Winehouse replaced with the squeaky-clean-image-conscious-media-friendly likes of Alexander Burke, Gareth Gates, Will Young and, forgive me for saying this, ‘Jedward’ (or Jihad as I like to call them) As regards decent music (as most readers of Mol’s Sound Words would probably listen to and appreciate) The White Stripes brought Blues to the main stream making it cool for the likes of Kings of Leon and The Strokes to play guitar music again and pick up the mantle. Radiohead offered ‘Pay What You Like’ music for the first time in history giving music executives heart attacks (that they probably had to pay for) and a ‘Mini Britpop’ revival was started by the likes of Artic Monkeys and The Libertines (with a little help from the NME, of course). But, as we all know, revivals are born out of boredom and desperation by certain members of the music media who have fuck all else of interest to write about. From a personal music point of view I had a few favourites this decade. Bands like The Rakes, The Walkmen, The Killers, The Go! Team, The Strokes, Sound Track of Our Lives and the marvellous Vines all made me shake my grey wig in a vigorous fashion. It’s a damn shame that most of them fizzled out and split up now, but what can ye do? Some of the outstanding concerts I attended in the 00’s were from the likes of The Darkness (they made up for their ‘no show’ by playing a stunning set over Christmas and even made it snow on stage for the encore), The Go! Team, The Rakes (twice), Franz Ferdinand, The Strokes (I managed to get the set list from their sound man as well) and, most enjoyable of them all, The Polyphonic Spree gave two of the most amazing performances I have ever had the joy to witness in my entire life. I personally don’t think we will ever see such a live act again until the likes of Arcade Fire tour again that is So! That’s it. The Naughties = the decade of music that bowed down to the consumer and made it easy for them to ‘obtain’ music and the decade that killed off any last real mavericks in music and replaced it with train-crash reality TV pop from your average Joe. Not very eventful was it? Think I’ll go back to bed PS, I won’t be around for a few weeks so Abby Titmus and a Happy New Year Peace Mol

Set The Controls For The Stars My Son

I was reading a rather interesting article/review on Jay Z the other day about him being one of the highest earning musicians in the world at the moment. So its little surprise that his services as a producer are seriously in demand isn’t it? Seems the big man can’t do nothing wrong of late Now, given that Jay Z is one of the highest (if not the highest) musical earners on the planet, is it his abilities to actually produce records or his status in the world of music that makes so many singers and bands hire him for his skills behind the desk? Many musicians seem to think so. Warmplay (that’s what I like to call Coldplay, in case you were wondering) being one of them as the last amounts of credibility Chris Martin and Co had seems to be slowly dwindling away as a result of their massive amount of arse kissing towards the afore mentioned Mr Z. then again, I think it’s only a matter of time before Warmplay require the services of Jay Z if the sales of their last album are anything to go by Now, there is no other way to describe what’s happening here than calling it ‘Music by Association’ (or: ‘you rub my back, and I’ll give you a reach-a-round’). And it’s plain to see that kudos can go a very long way when you want to sell albums. This is mainly prominent in Rap and Hip Hop Music, but rock/indie/pop seems to have gone down the same road. Maybe it is down to a result of Rap and Hip Hop overtaking the likes of Rock, Indie & Pop in terms of sales and credibility? Who knows? Who cares? The most notable of Indie bands these days that are guilty of hiring a well known producer/musician are Arctic Monkeys. They recently employed the services of Josh Homme from Queens of the Stone Age to produce their latest album to (as I suggested) ‘beef up’ their sound and give them more of a rock edge. Personally I didn’t think they needed to as they already have a good sound and could well have shot themselves in the foot by changing a concept that simply wasn’t broken in the first place! And, to be very honest here, they have released a rather poor effort from their standards. All this from a band that could do no wrong in the release department just a few months ago. It was once said that the Arctic’s could release a fart and it would sell well – so much for that now eh! Mark Ronson is another musician with twenty dirty little fingers and little toes in every mixing desk under the sun after collaborations with the likes of Lilly Allen & Amy Winehouse. I personally think he sees himself as a modern day version of Phil Spector (minus the guns and the assaults on women of course). Personally I actually like Ronsons’s style as he has basically taken a song, got someone famous to sing/play it and stamped his own ‘trade mark’ on it. What Ronson does is very clever and, unlike normal cover-versions, quite unique. He also wears some decent threads as well. I reckon he would look better with one of Mol’s Sound Shirts on though (if he can ‘Guess the Price’, of course eh Gareth? Haha) So, as this is a Blog about bands or singers employing the services of ‘a name’, how long will it be before bands (who are struggling to re-discover their form or even become famous) employ the likes of well known celebrities such as Kerry Katona to produce their album? Or have Cheryl Cole in their sleeve notes as Executive Producer? Or, to make it even more worse, have Katie Price as Special Executive Dead Dead Good Top Banana Producer At least you could guarantee one thing – you’ll have a new market buying your album. But, can’t see them being turned onto your live shows while their reading their copy of Hello Magazine Can you? By the way (quiz time) can you name the producer in the picture? And for a Mol’s Sound Words bonus point, can you name any albums he produced? Mol

Hats Off To The Super Big Homme

Super groups, you either love them or hate them. Some are good, some are bad and some are blatantly shit, but everybody loves a good Super Group don’t they? So, are Super Groups an extension of the famous musician’s egos or just a chance to play with your heroes? They also have a great ability to (as some middle managers would say) ‘think outside the box’. That’s what makes their music just that little bit different to the bands trying to sound like them You can see the appeal with regards self gratification can’t you as it’s basically (in Dave Grohl and Josh Homme’s case with John Paul Jones) given them the opportunity to play with Led Zeppelin Legend John Paul Jones. Must be some feeling that! To put it another way, can you imagine Stuey’s delight at the prospect of playing a duet with Erasure or The Pet Shop Boys? He’d be fucking made up wouldn’t he? Anyway, this week I got my hands on the debut album by Them Crooked Vultures and it has to be said, it’s a pretty superb record and basically a must have for someone who possess most albums by Led Zeppelin and Queens of the Stone Age along with the odd hand full of Foo Fighters albums to boot. This self titled debut comes after a long list of bands who have re-formed from a long line of famous musicians who have ‘broke ranks’ with their usual band mates to form something a bit different with who ever is available at the time. Look at the likes of Audioslave, Raconteurs, Cream, Blind Faith and (to some extent) Led Zeppelin for examples What I love about Super Groups is the ‘seasoned pro’ the band have in their ranks. In the case of Them Crooked Vultures, our Old Hand comes in the form of John Paul Jones. Listening to him play gives me the impression he’s like a big kid in a sweet shop whop has just robbed the dinner money from the younger members of the band to buy a large packet of Wether’s Originals!! Best of all is he (and the rest of the band) sound like they’re wuite simply having some good old fun! But, I think the success the album by Them Crooked Vultures will be a case of just deserts for Josh Homme and will finally give him the credit he has deserved for the years he has spent head of the table at Queens of the Stone Age. He is an outstanding songwriter and, it has to be said here, one of the finest guitarists of this century! He also has the reputation of being one seriously tough-arsed mother fucker who, rumour has it, will go toe – to – toe with some of the hardest men in music and stand up to awkward promoters and 'money men' within the industry. In a world of mamby-pamby pop stars, it’s good to see a musician whose not afraid to show the world he’s got a set of bollocks … and use them Good on him if you ask me Finally, who would be in your Super Group and why? Before you ask, I’m retired Mol

Naughtiest, But Nice

Interesting choice the NME chose this week for their Album of the Decade. In case you didn’t know, they voted for ‘Is This It’ by New Yorkers, The Strokes. Personally I think it’s a worthy choice as, as debut’s go, it’s a stunning album. Pretty much every song recognisable guaranteed to raise your spirits. Even though many people (who I asked to take part in this) I know disagree with me, I think The Naughties has been, in general, a pretty decent decade for music. It has seen the world pull itself out of the quagmire that was the grunge scene and brought a new ‘cool’ with a tiny hint of retro to the world of music. Bands like The Strokes, the Vines, Arctic Monkeys, Kings of Leon, The Rakes, The Go! Team and Franz Ferdinand all emerged from the rubble of the small Indie labels to take over the charts and put Indie music firmly into the mind set of mainstream listeners and ‘back on the map’. Maybe it was their decade. Good for them So, as I appreciate my highly musically experienced (and knowledgeable) readers of Mol’s Sound Words, I thought I’d ask a few of them their choices for top ten albums of the Naughties (I would have asked for top 100 as per the NME, but I couldn’t be arsed). Personally, I found this really difficult to choose ten albums never mind 100. So, Fasten your seat belts crack open a cold one and get you’re “ah, they’re fucking shit them!!!” speeches at the ready … Mol. Liverpool, England Highly Evolved – The Vines Capture/Release – The Rakes Bows and Arrows – The Walkmen Is This It – The Strokes Klang – The Rakes Behind the Music – The Sound Track of Our Lives Lapalco - Brendan Benson Consolers of the Lonely – Raconteurs Funeral – Arcade Fire Rated R – Queens of the Stone Age Dr Ian Skeath. Liverpool, England Tourist – Athlete Some Cities – Doves Kasabian – Kasabian Hot Fuss – The Killers Sam’s Town – The Killers Day and Age – The Killers A Certain Trigger – Maximo Park Capture/Release – The Rakes Melody AM – Royskopp Favourite Worst Nightmare – Artic Monkeys Andy ‘Babestation’ Nickels. Liverpool, England Our Earthly Pleasures – Maximo Park Only By Night – Kings of Leon Funeral – Arcade Fire Graffiti Soul – Simple Minds A Certain Trigger – Maximo Park Songs for the Deaf – Queens of the Stone Age Kasabian – Kasabian Hot Fuss – The Killers Myths of the Near Future – Klaxons Hopes and Fears – Keane Dr Stuart Arnold Ferguson Pritchard. Liverpool, England Parachutes – Coldplay Franz Ferdinand – Franz Ferdinand Is This It – The Strokes Asleep in the Back – Elbow White Blood Cells – The White Stripes Kid A – Radiohead Whatever People Say I Am, That’s What I’m Not – Artic Monkeys You Are The Quarry – Morrissey Youth and Young Manhood – Kings of Leon Xtrnmtr – Primal Scream Arch Bishop Neil Condron’s. Manchester, England Discovery – Daft Punk Hot Fuss – The Killers Is This It – the Strokes Sound of Silver – LCD Soundsystem Mirrored – Battles Merriweather Post Pavillion – Animal Collective Echoes – The Rapture Dreams – Whitest Boy Alive Source Tags & Codes – And You Will Know Us by the Trail of the Dead Cross – Justice Dr Gareth ‘Larry Flint’ Roberts. Skelmersdale, Merseyside Elephant – The White Stripes Is This It – The Strokes Whatever People Say I Am, That’s What I’m Not – Artic Monkeys 13 Tales from Urban Bohemia – Dandy Warhols The Coral – The Coral Free The Bees – The Bees Youth and Young Manhood – Kings of Leon Songs for the Deaf – Queens of the Stones Age Kasabian – Kasabian Souljacker – Eels John ‘Lyndhurst’ Jones. Peckham, London, England the Coral – the Coral Is This It – The Strokes Elephant – The White Stripes BRMC – Black Rebel Motorcycle Club Who Killed The Zutons – The Zutons Consolers of the Lonely – Raconteurs Songs for the Deaf – Queens of the Stone Age Whatever People Say I Am, That’s What I’m Not – Artic Monkeys Oracular Spectacular – MGMT Youth and Young Manhood – Kings of Leon Steven James Melia III. Liverpool, England Permission to Land – The Darkness Youth and Young Manhood – Kings of Leon The Optimist LP – Turin Brakes Is This It – the Strokes Songs for the Deaf – Queens of the Stone Age Paper – Rich Robinson Echoes, Silence, Patience & Grace – Foo Fighters Audioslave – Audioslave Lions – The Black Crowes Raising Sand – Robert Plant & Alison Krauss Gareth ‘Jimmy Page’ Woodall. Liverpool, England * Is This It – The Strokes Walking on a Dream – Empire of the Sun A Rush of Blood to the Head – Coldplay Mothership – Led Zeppelin 13 Tales from Urban Bohemia – Dandy Warhols Orocular Spectacular – MGMT I Created Disco – Calvin Harris *Gareth has only chosen 7 albums for some reason. You’ll have to ask him why I’m afraid Colin ‘Uphill Gardener’ McKillen. Liverpool, England Echoes, Silence, Patience and Grace – Foo Fighters Only by Night – Kings of Leon Room on Fire – The Strokes Elephant – The White Stripes Sam’s Town – the Killers Consolers of the Lonely – Raconteurs Broken Boy Soldier – Raconteurs By the Way – red Hot Chilli Peppers Wolfmother – Wolfmother Trouble – Ray Lamontagne Lee ‘Bank Holiday’ Wright. Norwich, England Favourite Worst Nightmare – Artic Monkeys Consolers of the Lonely – Raconteurs Last Broadcast – Doves Elephant – The White Stripes Seldom Seen Kid – Elbow Whatever People Say I Am, That’s What I’m Not – Artic Monkeys Speech Debelle – Speech Debelle No Love Lost – The Rifles Original Pirate Material – The Streets Hour of Bewilderbeast – Badly Drawn Boy Gareth ‘Rainman’ James. Formally Cardiff, Wales Mutter – Rammstein The Black Parade – My Chemical Romance Hybrid Theory – Linkin Park Absolution – Muse Theory of a Dead Man - Theory of a Dead Man Fallen – Evanescence Hot Fuss – The Killers Discovery – Daft Punk Silverside Up – Nickelback Call Me Irresponsible – Michael (Papa) Buble Diop So, there you have it chaps. That was a handful of the readers of Mol’s Sound Words and their list of the albums they think are the best from this decade. Very interesting stuff from you lot I thought. Quite a few albums I would have chose from the likes of Franz Ferdinand, Black Rebel Motorcycle Club, The Go! Team and Flaming Lips, but hey ho! Never mind eh? Finally, If you think this was a complete waste of time, discuss it over a few beers with your mates next time your down the pub. Should make for interesting conversations and makes a change from which members of Girls Aloud you’d like to rattle first One final point: not a single Oasis album in sight in the above I always said my readers had taste Mol

The Conveyer Belt of Monotony Continues

Stayed in on Saturday night as I went out for a few drinks with the missus in the after noon and (as usual) took the knock so (as usual) had to go home (via the chippy, of course). After a quick kip on the couch I woke up … and thought I was having the worst night mare ever as right before my hazy eyes was none other than two fucking twin Irish gimps singing the most cringe worthy song (I don’t remember the exact track off the top off my head as I was still a bit drunk/tired) I have ever had the utter most displeasure of subjecting to my ears to in my entire life!! It was so bad that in order to control my utter rage at this rather disgusting awakening, I decided I had to leave the room immediately before smashed the place to fucking pieces or my chippy tea made a rather premature re-appearance all over my living room floor!! As I sat up stairs (sulking) and watching something on the Discovery Channel, I couldn’t help but let X factor dwell on my mind. It simply would not go away as it was affecting me that much! So, as I often do when something is getting on my nerves in the world of music (and I use the term ‘music’ loosely when I’m referring to X Factor) I decided to write this Blog Now, avid readers of Mol’s Sound Words will remember way back in November, when I started this Blog, that my debut effort into the ‘Blog Community’ was about X Factor and the affect it has on music. So, in the hope that someone high up in ITV or even Simon Cowell himself are reading this, one year on (approximately), here are my genuine reasons for the complete cessation of X factor and all things associated with it: It is no longer a Saturday night ‘fad’ as this bile has now spread to Sunday nights as well. So much for Sunday being a day of rest or about watching Sunday Night at The Palladium X Factor has, so far, wheeled out two washed up druggies in the shape of Whitney Houston and Robbie Williams as their ‘inspiration’ to the contestants taking part during that week. Hardly the ideal role models you’d agree? Sadly, in the eyes of Cowell, he sees them as musical heavyweights. Personally I think he’s also struck a deal with them to resurrect their failing careers by getting them to appear on the show. Everyone’s a winner in the world of television! And everyone who crosses the path of Simon Cowell will also have their palms crossed with gold It has finally become acceptable to like the people who take part in X Factor regardless of their ‘talent’ because they are (adopts sympathetic voice and rests hand on heart) … nice! Take, for example, Cheryl Cole. Ah Cheryl Cole: the new shining beacon of loveliness taking a stand against everything bad (including her husband’s wondering eye and his pathetic little ear ring) in the world and sprinkling it with nice glitter and coming out with her usual chestnut of “loving” everyone who manages to turn on their water works (tears) and reduces her to a quivering emotional wreck. Personally, I don’t think I’ve ever seen such a pathetic woman in the entire history of light entertainment! It has also become acceptable to ‘like’ people who come on the show and tell their sob stories. Take that fella last year who lost his wife and brought up his kid on his own! Sad story I’m sure we all agree, but, and here’s the but, no matter what personal tragedy you have had in your life it doesn’t mask the fact that you can’t fucking sing! Sadly, we love people like this in our country and come out with ridiculous comments like “ah, he deserves it after what he’s been through” or “Ah, isn’t he lovely? Poor fella”!!! this type of ‘loser’ mentality is the main reason we will never be good at producing singers or even sportsmen and women capable of winning things at the pinnacle they aspire to be at. It’s alos the main reason many other countries around the wolrd laugh their balls off at us for adopting such sympathy! Re-branding! Ah, how fucking sick does this make me feel. Alexander Burke (last years winner in case you didn’t know) is now being touted as the next Beyonce or Mariah Carey and, in the words if Simon Cowell, is “capable of selling just as many records”!! Now, Cowell adopted a similar tone regarding a certain Shane Ward when he hit ‘the big time’ a few years ago. Little did Cowell realise that this Pikey actually comes from a family rich in the crime industry. What happened to Ward next? Yes! That’s right: he’s working at Butlin’s singing with a backing tape and a beat box shagging the odd Yellow Coat who vaguely recognises him from the telly! Alexander Burke: are you reading? If so, I feel a Halleluiah moment coming on (get it?) Christmas! Christmas used to be a time when it was traditional to sit off and listen to Cliff Richard and Mr Blobby while you’re stuffing mince pies down your grid. Now, thanks to X factor, we have to put up with the winner of this shit each year without failure! What a crock of fucking shit! Cowell has not only taken over the television, but he’s also taken over Christmas!! What next? The internet? The Radio? The world? What a complete twat!! Cover Versions. It’s quite hard to actually believe how long this fucking shit has actually been going now. But, the penny really sinks when you have new contestants singing cover versions of previous contestants! This is an obvious sign that Cowell and his gang of pathetic wanna-be’s seriously scraping the barrel with regards to what they can ‘sing’ that night. It’s also blatant self gratification on Cowell’s behalf (the view from his ivory tower this time of year must be wonderful for him) The Voting Culture. I’m not really sure here if this voting system/culture started with X Factor as there are many programmes that adopt this ploy, most notably being Strictly Come (Cum) Dancing, Big Brother and I’m A Celebrity Get me A Career Out If This. After recently watching Deadliest Catch (one of my favourite programmes by the way), I noticed that on one boat that one of the Captains said he was gonna have a vote to what Deck Hand he was gonna sack and keep at the end of the fishing trip!! This totally shocked me as I feel it is yet another part of X Factor culture seeping into the ‘decent’ part of society. Parts of society you thought were un-reachable from the drivel that is X Factor!! Sadly, it’s not. The spread of disease continues. I wonder where it will spread to next? The Old Bailey? Number 10? The Whitehouse? Aaaaaaaand breathe Now, I know some of you may well think I’m going a bit over the top here with ranting and raving about all things X factor, but the truth is it really does grind in my shells!! I can’t help it and that’s the truth. My ideal world would consist of no reality television and no X factor. Mol-Topia I suppose you could call it? I also had a brainwave the other day with thoughts on them two Irish Spikey-Haired Gimps who everyone and their fucking dog seem to be talking about these days. The thought I had was that I really do hope they win X Factor. Maybe then people will hopefully see the programme for what it is = a Conveyer Belt of Monotony and a river of total stinking shit that is quite simply fixed beyond belief. Cowell is personally over seeing this programme like some Jedi Master adopting the old adage that “any publicity is good publicity” and it sucking stinks to high heaven. Good on Sting for his comments this week. Just need a few more ‘influential people’ to come out with similar outbursts and maybe the penny will drop. But! My dear readers, all is not that bad in the world of Simon Cowell and his ridiculous black t-shirts and tits high kex! There is a god! It seems the endless drivel of X Factor bullshit has finally tipped one person over the edge during a certain book signing a few weeks ago when one rather superb chap decided to spark Leona (or Leona The Moaner as I like to call her) Lewis right in the chops. Give that man a fucking medal and a knighthood right now!! A job as Head of Light Entertainment at ITV also wouldn’t go a miss Finally, if by any chance there are any avid viewers of x Factor reading this, I would just like to ask you one final telling question? Do you really think the people who get through to the ‘business end’ of the programme can sing? If your answer is yes, I suggest you either have a listen to Florence and the Machine singing the live version of You’ve Got the Love or the girl who sings live on Jay Z’s latest song Empire State of Mind and reassess your opinion, your life and your choice in music Either that or book yourself in for a lobotomy!! Mol

Oh No! It's Bono

November 9th 1989. The setting = Germany. People up and down the country from Leipzig to Berlin are demonstrating on the streets and the fall of Communism and the rise of Capitalism is imminent and the future of European and world politics is resting on a knife edge. Now, what does this historical drivel possibly have to do with music? Well, roll the clocks forward exactly twenty years to Berlin and the Brandenburg Gate to the 9th November 2009 where a live concert took place by the world famous U2 for a lucky ten thousand people. So, the stage is set and the people are anticipating a real musical treat … or are they? The organisers of the event = U2 and MTV have allocated ten thousand tickets for the lucky people able to cough up enough money to see the event and the rest of the rather unlucky people unable to obtain tickets can’t see the concert from the ‘free seats’ because of a … wait for it ……….. A wall!! A FUCKING WALL!!!!!!!!!!! How fucking disgustingly ironic that a party celebrating the re-joining of a nation split by oppression and hostility for nearly forty years is, once again, separated by a fucking wall!!! I nearly pissed myself laughing when I read about it and I equally pissed myself laughing when I seen the picture of the stage with the massive letters spelling FREEDOM spread across the top of the stage!! Now, don’t get me wrong here as there’s a time and a place for big artists like U2 to perform, but I personally think it’s not really U2’s place to be here singing about where streets have no names and flies and stuff, but wouldn’t you think more appropriate acts would have been more suitable? What about Kraftwerk? What about The Hoff? And, most appropriate of all, what about The Scorpions singing Wind of Change? Going back to Bono though, this silly little Psychedelic Leprechaun with his daft leather kex and half American half Irish accent really gets on my fucking nerves! (You might have guessed by now) His worst crime I think is without doubt his ongoing obsession to wear sun glasses in doors! Now, I’m not knocking sun glasses in general as I have a good pair myself as it’s always worth investing in a pretty decent pair, but the name of them (sun-glasses) kind of gives their actual function away a bit doesn’t it? If they were designed to be worn out of reach of the sun they would probably be called In-door glasses. I personally think the man’s most embarrassing ‘act’ was a few months back when U2 appeared on Jonathan Woss. Half way through ‘Sexy Boots’, Bono, the great showman he is, decided to jump into the ‘crowd’ (in a TV studio – hardly Wembley stadium now is it) and sprawl himself over the legs of … wait for it … a middle aged man weariung glasses and a jumper that looked like it was knitted by his ma’!! Now, don’t get me wrong here as I’m no pervert, but if your gonna do some sort of stunt involving members of the audience, don’t you think it would be a lot more pleasant (for both parties involved) if it was some attractive female who would appreciate Bono sprawling all over you? Fucking embarrassing if you ask me! Finally, something to think about the all-generous Bono for you: This is the same man who constantly bangs on to every world leader (who’ll begrudgingly have their photo taken with him, of course, personally I think Nelson Mandella is sick of the fucking sight of him to be honest) about poverty in poor countries and greedy capitalists raking in massive bonuses. So what does he do about it? That’s right, he decide to go and live in Holland to try and escape the British tax man. Greedy capitalist or Greedy rock star? We’ll be the judge of that, with or without you, Bono Mol

Fame! I Wanna Study Forever!!!!

I was having a Chas ‘n’ Dave the other morning (no shell washing in case your wondering) listening to some jaaag radio phone in about music academies and how many young people around the country are taught to play instruments and how to sing when they attend them. At one stage I nearly severed my head from my shoulders as I was shaking my head in disbelief so much. One young lady rang into the show to say that she was attending one of these academies on a three year course to learn … wait for it … the bass guitar. Now, don’t get me wrong, bass guitar is one of the most important instruments in the set up of any band, any musician will tell you that, but does it really take three years to learn? I can see the future female answer to Mark King coming up there I reckon (I just hope she doesn’t hold her Bass right up to her tits like King does) This is all a far cry since the days when I studied music in school. Our studying was actually cut short as our music teacher found out his wife was shagging someone else behind his back and he decided to cut short his life after hanging himself. I often thought we drove him to it actually as we were slightly rowdy. Then again, he was a bit of a tit so, probably deserved it This isn’t a really favourite subject of mine as every time I think of music teachers I can’t help but think of the really annoying Jack Black in the film School of Rock. If he was my music teacher I’d be taking that SG of his and smashing it over his fat fucking head to be honest!! Anyway, as regards learning music, the way I see it is that no one can teach you how to write music as it should come naturally. If it doesn’t there’s no point trying to ‘force’ yourself into being a good musician/songwriter is there as the chances of you writing something decent are pretty slim if you ask me. If you do write something good it’s an obvious sign of natural talent. Maybe then it should be nurtured in some way, but I still feel encouragement should stop at some point to let the natural side of your talent to expand, grow and flourish. The last think you need if your trying to write/learn is someone like the afore mention Black egging you on and giving you some sort of inspirational pep talk!! So, if you see spending thousands of pounds of your hard earned cash to teach your kids how to play the fucking bass guitar for three years as value for money, think again. Tell them to teach themselves as I’ll guarantee they’ll get a hell of a lot more enjoyment out of it by joining a band with their mates instead of having three years intense study with a bunch of boffins who wear tweed jackets with elbow pads on them. So people, If you’re still in two minds by then, just send your budding musical off springs round to Mart’s to get wrecked with him at the ‘Wabble Lounge’ as he’ll teach you how to play the bass in ten minutes, that’s how long it took him! If all else fails in learning the bass, you’ll at least learn how to roll a boss Spliff!! Mol

Gimme Shelter CAN Buy Me Love

So there I was, sat in my beautiful garden on a warm October’s Sunday morning having a brew contemplating the problems of the world such as the reasons certain Swedish furniture manufacturers make tables so easy to assemble and so ridiculously impossible to re-assemble!!, the religious significance of ringing bells at eight thirty in the fucking morning and continental Europe’s obsession with mullets and double denim and most important of all: who do you prefer, The Beatles or The Stones? Everyone knows that when it comes to the greatest British band there has always (and always will be) two contender. Much has been said of late regarding The Fab Four with the likes of the launch of their rather sac-religious new Guitar Hero game and all the other exposure in certain media outlets. It really has been ‘their time’ of late and I, for sure, am one who is getting rather sick of it all mainly down to the fact that Sir Paul & Yoko Ono are fucking raking in money which they really do not need. So, I’m gonna stick up for (who I consider) to be the greatest: Ladies and Gentlemen: The Rolling Stones! Now, I know your gonna give me a bit of stick regarding my last comment about Ono & McCartney raking in the cash as The Stones have been touring way too long for a lot of people’s liking and making unbelievable amounts of money in the process, but I genuinely believe that Mick ‘n Keef love touring and would feel like a fish out of water if indeed they were to hang up their guitars and make full use of their bus passes. But come on now! Can you really see the two of them sat at home writing their memoirs with their slippers on drinking a glass of warm milk before bedtime each night? Neither can I. I know a lot of people see them as a laughing stock, but I really don’t think they give a fuck what people think, that’s why they continue to tour Now, you must believe here when I say I’m not having a go at Beatles fans, But I’ve always felt there has always been a certain degree of mocking towards Stones’ fans when it comes to actual talent. I sometimes think it borders on snobbishness to be honest as most of them can compare a Stones album to something AC/DC would release (you know what your gonna get) where as many Beatles fans see them as innovators and pioneers of modern music and they see the Stones as mere ‘donkeys’ of rock ‘n’ roll. Another thing people harp on about when talking about The Beatles is always Ringo and his ‘other’ abilities apart from drumming. Personally I’ve no idea what these special powers are, but, batting for The Stones as their ‘all rounder’ was the late great Brian Jones. Jones could basically turn his hand to any musical instrument and he was, after all, the man who formed The Stones and, bizarrely enough, went onto manage Jimi Hendrix. We all know the rest as regards Hendrix’ career. So we have a lot to thank him for even though the horrible bastard did used to knock the shit out of his girlfriend Anita Pallenberg (good job Keith stepped in when he did eh?) I feel one of the most important things that we also have The Stones to thank for is the birth of Arena Touring. Their 1969 tour of America was such a massive hit for everyone involved (promoters, fans and the band to name a few) that they quite simply set the trend when it came to large scale touring operations of the likes you see today Influential albums: When ever you see one of them top 50 albums of all time programmes, I’ll guarantee the old chestnuts are there such as Ok Computer, Pet Sounds and of course Sergeant Pepper Lonely Hearts Club Band. Sadly, for me, there is one album that is usually missing from that list. Not that I lose any sleep over it not being in one of these top ten lists, but Exile on Main Street is not so much the finest Stones album, but it is the finest album ever made. I usually get asked by some people what is my favourite album and that is always out of my before they’ve finished their question. No ifs. No buts. Its such a fantastic album not just because of the amazing songs it contains (Rocks Off, Shine A Light, Let It Loose, Ventilator Blues, Tumbling Dice = to name just a few), but it’s the whole circumstances The Stones found themselves in at the time it was recorded. If you didn’t know they were on the verge of bankruptcy due to the tax laws in Britain at the time and had to flee the country to live in Keith Chateau in the South of France. Drink and drugs were plenty and the band were pretty much knackered from the afore mention touring. Hence the name = Exile on Main Street. It really is a wonderful album though, and if you do not possess a copy, shame on you! Now, before you ‘Beatle-Heads’ jump back on my throat and say The Beatles has more than one influential album in the form of ‘Revolver’, ‘The White Album’, and ‘Abbey Road’, I must also point out that for these three albums The Stones also released the likes of ‘Beggars Banquet’, ‘Sticky Fingers’ and, what many Stones’ fans consider their finest hour: ‘Let It Bleed’. Tit for Tat I suppose you could say? Now, I’m gonna end this blog with a degree of sentimentality. Everyone pretty much knows my love for The Stones and I really could go on all day about them (I usually do anyway much to the displeasure of most of my friends), but, gladly for you, I’m not. But I will leave you with this: when a band is well and truly deeply embedded in your heart there is quite simply no way to ever get them to leave. No matter what they do, no matter who they end up having kids with, no matter who they kill and most important of all: no matter what kind of shit they release, they will still be there giving you that tingly feeling you had when you first heard Jumpin’ Jack Flash, Satisfaction, Gimme Shelter and Street Fighting Man. Great music and great bands do that to people. That’s what makes them great. So while you’re on the internet, go and buy Exile on Main Street. You’ll thank me for it one day. Mol

The Rough With The Smooth

I was talking to some bird in work last week about Jamie T. Turns out she’s a pretty big fan of him, but I can take him or leave him to be honest. But, as we talked, she came out with a really good point: he has character. And you know what? … She was spot on! So it got me thinking: where have all the bad lads, or lads who have a bit of, well, laddishness about them gone? It’s actually quite apt that this conversation took place during the same month Noel & Liam put down their fist-e-cuffs and parted company as the two of them (love them or hate them) did have a certain aura about them that made them the modern day bad boys that were mainly loved by the people, but seen as a hate figure in the eyes of the (conservative) press. They will be missed (not for their music – in my opinion), but for the sheer cheek and camaraderie that oozed from them (when they we’re ‘talking’ to each other, of course) Today, the only time you get to see lads being, well, lads these days is by walking the streets as it’s basically the only place (not within eye shot of the Rozzers) people can get away with ‘offending’ anyone if you know what I mean? If you want to be a ‘rascal’ these days in the eyes of the media – forget it! Chances are you’ll end up in court for putting two fingers up to a photographer or telling someone to go fuck themselves due to the draconian laws that exist in this country these days with all things celebrity being poked and probed at the slightest opportunity. You only have to see undercover photos and film footage of Kate Moss, Russell Brand and Dev from Coronation Street for examples. Soon as the tabloids get hold of them – they’re well and truely fucked! But, without sounding sexist here, maybe the world has finally lost interest in the likes of Ozzy Osbourne biting the heads off small mammals, Oliver Reed seriously intoxicated on some chat show stripping off to Wild Thing and the late great and greatly missed Keith Floyd knocking back the red wine while setting fire to someone’s kitchen and have become accustomed to the likes of the squeaky-clean Take Splatt, Snow (snore) Patrol, James Morrison and the Jamie Callums of this world and their soothing vocals guaranteed to get women ‘in the mood’. Personally they bore the fucking pants off me so much that I really can’t listen or even watch them without reaching for the sick bucket and shedding my tea! Sadly, the age of ‘the bit of rough’ has well and truly come to a rather abrupt end because of the afore mentioned modern day crooners and good looking pin-ups corporate-pleasing Satan cock sucking pop stars. Another example of the serious lack of testosterone in today’s music scene was last month’s Mercury Awards: Bats for Lashes, Le Roux, Florence and the Machine and the eventual winner Speech Debelle, all pretty much front runners for the award itself and all women. The less said about the fucking X Factor the better (I’m sick to fucking death of that pile of vile shite any way so …) And, you might laugh here and it might sound daft, but I think shaving, moisturiser and after shave adverts have also got a lot to answer for as these do nothing to promote the ‘male’ side of men and more to promote the more ‘feminine’ side of men. Just look at lasts years Tesco advert with Take Splatt spending Christmas with them birds dressed in their skimps for stunning example of men being absolute mincers! So chaps, do us a favour next time you go into work, tuck your shirt half way into your kex, don’t wear a tie, don’t shave for two days and most important of all: don’t wash your shells!! Bear Grylls = eat your heart out Mol

Doing Their Best? ... Hardly!

I was watching the telly the other night and, to my amazement, an advert came on for The Best of Ultravox. Hahahaha, I nearly laughed my shells off. The Best of Ultravox? Er, hang on a minute there, Midge & the gang, don’t you mean ‘Vienna’? By the way hands up anyone who can name another song by Ultravox off the top of their head? Answer: no one!

Now, what Ultravox are suggesting here with their best of album would be like Van Halen releasing a best of album with twenty different versions of ‘Jump’, T’Pau doing fifteen versions of China in Your Hand, Berlin releasing thirty different versions of Take My Breath Away and Doctor and the Medics doing forty different versions of Spirit in the Sky (although I’ve heard they actually do five versions of that when they play live) Sad state of affairs wouldn’t you agree? But once again, there is a reason behind these ridiculous compilations, and, in my opinion, it has a lot to do with that root of all evil stuff that supposedly makes the world go round. To date, I’ve actually lost count of how many best of albums the likes of The Stones, The Beatles and er … Take That have released. Even Girls A-Fucking-Loud have released one!!! It’s obviously plain to see that these albums are devised by the band’s greedy management and record label heads trying to cash in on a band who are about to leave their books or indeed bands who have actually left their books. Robbie Williams, if there’s the slightest chance your reading this (in between your UFO weekly magazine, of course) I’d just like to say a few words = you massive bell end!!

If you happen to own a copy, have a look at the sleeve notes on ‘Hot Rocks’ by The Stones. You will notice that every song on the album is released under the Decca label. At the time in 1971 the label was owned by a rather unscrupulous business man called Allen Klien. Klien tried to tie The Stones into a major long term contract with Decca, but they were advised not to and instead set up their own label: Rolling Stones Records. This is the reason why so many big labels try to secure acts for many years and many albums = so they can own the rights and release best of albums after best of albums if the band decide to scarper and join another label if they receive a better offer. What ever way you look at it the songs are still the same, just re-packaged into a different shiny CD cover and box. And if you happen to buy them all, I say more fool you for being such a sucker.

There is one thing other than bands that have had one famous hit that gets me about best of albums, and that’s the bands that have been going five minutes and released a load of crap singles instead of releasing a good few albums of quality over a period of years that actually warrant a best of album. Fine examples of this being Girls Aloud and the other similar feminist bint band of bean-flickers The Spice Girls. To date they have notched up … wait for it … two studio albums each (that’s excluding the best of album) So, quick stock check here: two studios albums and one best of album. I calculate that if Girls Aloud honours their existing contract with their label and release six albums that will mean at the time of their sixth album release they should then have had three best of albums. That makes a grand total of nine albums (six studio & three best of) Agree? Good. I’ll go into The Pussy Cat Dolls statistics some other time (Wahaaaayyy)

But, at the end of the day, what really annoys the balls off me is that it really does come down to money doesn’t it? So why can’t these bands who release these very premature (and in most cases very shit as even the best of albums are basically full of album fillers with one famous hit) best of albums negotiate these embarrassing money making ‘ventures’ before they sign a contract with these massive exploiting record labels? Why can’t they ‘stand up to the man’ instead of being hoiked into a contract straight away instead of acting like greedy wanna be capitalists? Because, if you really think about it, that’s what they are deep down and before you know it they’re featuring on the next MTV Cribs programme showing the cameras around their glorious house (or are they their houses?). Either that or sort your self out and look for a decent manager who will actually look after your best interests and follow that up with writing decent songs worthy of being on a best of album.

So, a few words of advice for any wannabe greedy singers should think about: a new career working in a bank, being an MP (with a moat or a ‘duckhouse’, of course) or gladly kissing Alan Sugar’s bollocks and his arsehole on a full time basis. Either way, you’d make more money than a musician does and you’d have the right qualifications for being an absolute complete twat in the process.

Better get that CV printed off as well!

Sunday Music - Floyd Style

I know the last thing on most people’s minds on Sunday afternoon is another session of loud music with a few beers thrown in for good measure, but trust me here = it sounds so much better and is the ultimate hangover cure. So, in honour of the late great and Keith Floyd, who in case you didn’t know sadly passed away last week, I thought I’d have a rock ‘n’ roll Sunday Roast So, without further a do, my dear Gastronaughts, let’s have a look at the menu … Starter: A couple of heart starters (as Floyd would call a drink) in the shape of A Bottle of Czech beer with Cauliflower Cheese and Howl by Black Rebel Motorcycle Club Main Course: Pork Joint with roast potatoes, roast carrots and all the trimmings followed by The Soft Parade by The Doors (By the way, nothing freaks your neighbours out more than the sound of Jim Morrison shouting “you can not petition the lord with prayer” on a Sunday afternoon I can guarantee you!) Dessert: Poached Peaches flamed in Southern Comfort (Gareth: fancy that mate?) and a copy of Behind the Music by Sound Track of Our Lives You might think I’m being just a little bit too daft here (ala: Floyd), and you m ay be right, but trust me on this one. Next time you get a bit of spare time to your self on Sunday afternoon, get in the kitchen, sort out the dinner and put some tunes on LOUD! It beats watching Sunderland Vs Wolves any day of the fucking week! I could have, by accident, also created the latest culinary craze to sweep the nation! PS: RIP Floyd. A true hero of mine ** raises glass **

Mol

The Ministry Of Music

I’ve seen and heard some ridiculous things in my time, but some of them just quite simply take the absolute fucking piss! I was getting ready for work the other morning and while I was standing there having a Chas ‘n’ Dave and washing my shells listening to the radio, some absolute Englebert was on talking about setting up a sort of Government regulated ‘Ministry of Music’. You can imagine the fella can’t ye? A sort of Michael Palin Monty Python character called Nigel or Roger who wears jam jar glasses, sock suspenders, a tank top and a tie! And you can also imagine my utter amazement and laughter as the prick began to talk about his proposed idea! Anyway, the fella who was talking (I’m really sorry but I don’t remember his name as I was concentrating on shaving my neck at the time) said his concept was to get everyone to pay a monthly direct debit of say £20 or £25 and in return receive all your music needs for that price. Now I know some of you might say this is quite a good idea, but if you think about it, most disasters in history are usually caused by government involvement and down right interfering and unnecessary meddling in things they should never have gotten involved in in the first place. So disaster looms no doubt Now, don’t get me wrong here, I think music is very important to everyone (I wouldn’t be writing this Blog if I didn’t think so), but the fact of the matter is this: not everyone enjoys or even listens to music, so why treat them like they’re not paying their gas, electric or council tax bills? It is simply idiotic! Another downside of this hair brain idea is that musicians, producers, managers and roadies will all, in affect, become Civil Servants. Here’s a few examples for ye: Can you see the likes of Lady Gaa Gaa going to work each day with a brief case worrying about her flexi time being minus twelve hours? Can you see Take That having their yearly appraisals and complaining that they only got a ‘Majority marking’? (personally I’d recommend them for demotion or even the sack if I had my way) and best of all can you see Jay Z moaning about the lighting on the floor he works on just because Glas Vegas (who work opposite him) want the blinds shut all day so they can sit in the usual complete morbid state of darkness they are used to? I know I’m going a bit over the top here (no change there then eh?), but the possibilities for ridiculous situations here are truly endless. A few months back I posted a Blog about Arctic Monkeys and the release of their new album. Imagine, if you would, their new album turned out to be shit, no one bought it and the critics slated it! One day, they receive a phone call from Gordon Brown or some other high ranking civil servant saying something along the lines of “lads, this just simply isn’t good enough, so we’ve decided to send you to Afghanistan to go on the front line” or “we’ve reviewed your current working pattern and decided that the way forward is a Power Point presentation of your poor performance be shown to the rest of your team as an example of your bad work management, but we’ll have a tea break at half ten” (In other words = your P45’s in the post lads) So people, beware government interference in what pleasures your ears as we all know too well how they can fuck up other things of great national importance. Also beware of anyone called Nigel who becomes involved in the music industry as it spells nothing but a fiasco and will end in tears Just look at Spinal Tap! Mol

The Pursuit of Happiness

Now, I know most of you avid readers wait impatiently at your computers each week clutching your mouse in anticipation of the next exciting edition of Mol’s Sound Words. I also know some of you agree and sometimes disagree with most (if not all) of the content I write for you. But there is one thing I will guarantee we all agree on … and that is life is all about being happy? Agree? So, I know it was weeks ago, but I’m gonna carry on with another Jacko related story here if you don’t mind? Anyway, I’ve been reading loads of stories about Michael Jackson lately and how he was treated by his father when he was a kid. Very troubled soul and, you have to say, rather sad, bizarre and sometimes tragic life. I did have real genuine sympathy for him to be honest. But, I must admit, that at the end of the day he lead an extremely privileged and luxurious life for most of his time in music. A life most would kill for (including his doctor if you read the Daily Star). And it’s that point that makes me think: why was he (and so many other famous musicians) so sad and miserable throughout their career? Don’t get me wrong here, I know Jacko had to put up with quite a lot in his private life over the last ten years with the two court cases he had brought against him and some of the other crap, but as I have just stated, he was very very rich and lead a pretty charmed life. To coincide with all the Jacko stuff, I was also watching a programme the other day about American Alternative Music (Grunge, if you like). And it was basically centred round the life of Kurt Cobain and other bands such as REM, Black Flag, Pearl Jam and Soundgarden. The documentary (mainly centred around Cobain) pointed out that he was a seriously troubled chap. It seemed from day one he was a very un-happy young man who suffered from bouts of depression. During his time in Nirvana his unhappiness had a lot to do with the amount of Heroin he was ploughing into his arm, but maybe he was just plain miserable before that? If so, I really can’t understand why he was unhappy as he left behind a legacy of music that some people say changed a generation and is still well listened to this day. A re-invention I suppose you could say and also something to be extremely proud of in my opinion. Sadly, for Cobain, he didn’t see it that way so he decided to blow his brains out one day at the ripe old age of 27 while at the height of his fame. There’s no doubt he seen his fame as a burden and a massive weight on his shoulders. But he did have children to his ‘loving’ wife Courtney Love, which, in my opinion yet again, is a pretty bad shithouse way of getting out of things. No Dad of the Year Award for him! But, as regards the obviously tragic circumstances surrounding Cobain’s death, there is one thing that really stands out to me, and it’s this: I just don’t get it? Some of these famous young men & women are trekking across the planet with everything paid for them, serious amounts of money, having a good time, shagging whoever they want and basically doing a job that millions of wanna be X Factor contestants and other people who dream of being famous can only, well, dream of doing!! It’s not like they’re working in an office having to put up with bullshit middle managers talking bollocks all day and having totally pointless meetings about meetings about meetings or working in a fucking bog cleaning shit out of toilets now is it? Many people I know would give their left bollock to have a career like the pop stars they idolise. I’d guarantee you one thing though: if I were in a famous band or had the fame (and wealth) most of these miserable bastards have now, no way would I act like some sort of tortured soul, spoilt bray or strop around the place like a miserable cunt demanding the head of some poor bastard who just so happened to serve them champagne at room temperature or knocking fuck out of some photographer taking pictures of me!! I’d be having an absolute fucking ball and I’d take as many of my mates with me as I could!!! You can guarantee that! So, if any of you stroppy pop stars just happen to be reading this, chin up eh chaps, and stop being miserable bastards as things could be worse, you could be working in KFC or you could be on the dole … or, even worse, you could be a member of Razorlight! Suddenly that job working in the bog seems a lot more palatable doesn’t it? Mol

You Say You Want A Revolution?

In case you didn’t know, it’s Beatles Week on the BBC. It coincides with the celebration of the last Beatles album Abbey Road and contains numerous documentaries about the impact the four mop tops from Liverpool had on the world. Now, there’s no doubt the Beatles had and still have an absolutely massive influence on the world in a cultural and musical sense. However, the programme I watched last night, entitled ‘How The Beatles’ Rocked The Kremlin’, was taking their far reaching influence just a bit too far The programme basically went on to suggest that The Beatles ‘influenced’ Nakita Kruschev’s aggressive stance towards America in the early nineteen sixties (in case you don’t know, the former head of the USSR announced during his ‘spat’ with John F Kennedy that “we will bury you”) and a certain gang of Communist Bandits lead by Fidel Castro in Cuba is, frankly, utterly absurd! And to also suggest that the Beatles had a hand to play in the fall of communism was also quite ridiculous to suggest as well as 1989 – 1991 was over two decades after the Beatles split up and moved on so I think it’s pretty ridiculous to suggest that Mickael Gorbachov was listening to “Can’t Buy Me Love” when thinking up his reforming of the Soviet Union and brought down the wall in Berlin in a heat of musical emotion and sentimentality But, and it’s a big but, the peace movement, with John Lennon and his screaming irritating bride at the helm did have a certain impact on world peace after the blue touch paper was lit by the likes of Woodstock and the American Hippy movement of the late nineteen sixties. Lennon merely picked up the pieces and put it in the public eye by staying in bed for a week being wanked off by Yoko. It was also one of the finest publicity stunts in history may I point out. So! What lasting impression and influence did the Beatles leave on this old planet? We would have no Oasis for a start (er, sorry, we don’t have Oasis anymore should I say). We would also have no influence on the singing at the Kop at Anfield, ask your arld’ fella about it if you get a chance. There would also be none of the famous Mop Top haircuts that the Americans so famously wowed themselves over (Stuey would have never designed his Lego haircut either). And most important of all (to me that is) there would be no Rolling Stones. In case you didn’t know, The Beatles gave The Stones a ‘hand up’ in 1963 by letting them do a cover version of ‘I Wanna Be Your Man’. The Stones were kind of struggling by then and, in my opinion, have a lot to thank The Beatles for. Seriously though, and probably the most important thing of all we have to thank the Beatles for is not necessarily down to the Beatles, but down to George Martin and the sound he managed to ‘capture’ for them. I’m not saying it was all his work as no doubt the Fab Four had some sort of input in how they wanted to sound, but, without Martin’s influence do you really think they’re sound would have made the dramatic transformation from “Love Me Do” to “Tomorrow Never Knows”? Personally, I think not. Psychedelia was, in my opinion, born from this period and one of the most radical (and exciting) sounds in music was born. And finally, in Liverpool, the birth place of the Beatles, we have been given the Matthew Street festival. Ah the Matthew Street festival. The epitome of culture in Liverpool where you can spend a whole weekend walking around town with a case of warm Carling under your arm, getting absolutely fucking socked (in August), avoiding plenty of shite (and some good) covers bands, tripping over prams the size of Tiger tanks owned by Asbo families from Kirkdale, getting the train home with a load of Peter Kay sounding wools singing “she love you yeeeeeeeeeeeah yeeeeeeeeeeeeeah yeaaaaaaaaah” and finally avoiding the carnage at one thirty in the morning when hundreds of people who have had far too much to drink who have decided to decorate their clothes with a dirty donna kebab whilst knocking fuck out of someone who accidentally stole their taxi in the queue. I’m sure that’s not the vision of peace John Lennon was hoping for when the Beatles spilt up to be honest. Mol

Ar Kid', Where Art Thou?

So, the Manc swagger has finally shrugged its shoulders to the world for the last time and Oasis (it appears) are all but over and they’re finally free … and sorry about the pun ... to do what ever they want. Been reading quite a bit lately about the ever extending rift between the Brother’s Gallagher and their on going feud over who sits as top dog on the good ship Oasis … and it seems the younger sibling has prevailed. It seems they haven’t spoke to each other since 2000 after a certain incident involving Patsy Kensit. I’d love to know how they continued to write songs for none years, wouldn’t you? Noel, for all his likeability and comedy quotes over the years (the one about the Romanian orphans on the Baddiel & Skinner show was a particular classic, harsh, but still a classic) seems to have done a complete reversal of his personality and basically given in to his band and irritating, cocky younger brother and blinked first in a classic game of music ‘chicken’. Coward ness has hardly been one of your many attributes, Noel. Standing up for your self and putting up your dukes on the other hand … As for Liam, love him or hate, you do have to admit his style of singing (un-like Oasis) was kind of unique (the “Shiiiiiiiii-on” will surely be his most memorable vocal line) So what of Oasis? Can they survive without each other? Who will now be ‘top dog’? Will they get Brain May in to play the guitar? And most important of all: who will ‘write’ the songs as we all know of Oasis’ ability to employ plagiarism into their ranks As for their past, everyone knows the age old fact that Oasis should have called it a day after Definitely Maybe & What’s The Story as what followed these two albums basically contained maybe one decent single and a shit load of album fillers (Little James – anyone?). Flogging a dead horse has never been a more appropriate career for them since then (IMO) At the height of their appeal-a-bility in the mid nineties I could never really decide between Noel & Liam which one I actually liked the most (a bit like which Spice Girl you’d shag first) but I must admit I’m gonna miss Noel more as he has always seemed a lot more down to earth and always kept a certain connection to his working class roots even though he did up sticks and move to London. I lost a bit of respect for him after that. But, finally I’d just like to say good luck to both of the Gallagher Brothers for what ever (no pun by the way) they do in the future as, even if you didn’t or don’t like them, they’re impact on the British (and world) music will be ever lasting A lot of bands owe them That deserves a ‘dipping of the hat’ Mol

Born In The USA? ... Er, Hardly!

The missus was in the shower the other day, I knocked on the door, she whispered “who is it?” to which I replied “it’s Gerald, the plumber”. She opened the door and casually, I walked in and started to massage her soapy, steamy ti ….. er … hang on a minute! Wrong Blog! Anyway, as she showered away, I could hear her singing some jaaaag song by Scouting for Girls or whoever the fuck it was and I thought to myself “oh Jesus fucking Christ on ice, not more American crap!” But, then it hit me and I realised they aren’t from America, they’re British! Anyway, after contemplating re-enacting the famous scene from Psycho or pursuing the possibility of a soapy tit wank, I got thinking: why do so many British singers sing in this American accent? Now, by no means is this posting anti-American, on the contrary as America has produced many great bands that I greatly admire and is steeped in rich musical history, but these artists/bands I will refer to are British and not American. Take a few British singers for instance: Rod Stewart, Elton John, Brian Johnson, Robbie Williams and the great Robert Plant all have big sounding America accents when they sing. Now, believe me when I say they shouldn’t all of a sudden turn into Chas ‘n Dave, Michael Caine or Grant & Phil Mitchell, but don’t you think they should sound a bit more, well … British when they sing? As astonishing it may be that so many of these artists sing the way they do, there really is one true expert at singing in an American accent. As you all know I’m a pretty big fan of The Stones, but Sir Mick has not only mastered the ability to sing in a perfect American accent, but he has got each regional American accent down to an absolute tee! Some achievement if you ask me. If you don’t believe me have a listen to ‘Wild Horses’ (Texas), ‘Far Away Eyes’ (West Coast/Bakersfield) & ‘Fingerprint File’ (East Coast/New York). I urge you to listen to these tracks and you will be truly stunned and think you are actually listening to Gram Parsons or Kenny Rogers. Pure genius But it’s not just the British who are guilty of mimicking the accents of our cousins over the pond, look at The Vines, INXS & AC/DC (all from Australia), Soundtrack of our Lives, The Hives, Roxette & Abba (all from Sweden) and The Trills (Ireland). All of these singing a very strong American accent! And please take note of this for the record: I do not (repeat: do not) possess any Roxette albums. Ok? Now, I, and everyone else reading this blog know how much of an impact and influence American music had/has on British music and culture during the 50’s, 60’s & 70’s with many British artists taking influence from many American Blues artists such as John Lee Hooker, Howling Wolf, Robert Johnson, Bo Diddly, Muddy Waters & Jimi Hendrix, but that was then and this is 2009, some thirty - forty years later. Many influences have come and gone for the artists of today such as Punk and Britpop to take their inspiration from, many of whom are British. So why do we have to rely so heavily on American music to inspire our vocal style of today? After all since the above years have passed we have had any musical revolutions such as Punk Rock, Metal and Britpop all massive influences on today’s music that has well and truly left it’s ‘stamp’ on bands of today. There are the odd exceptions to the rule with regards singing in an American accent with likes of Blur, The Sex Pistols, The Clash, Super Furry Animals, The View and The Proclaimers (who do sounds remarkably like a cross between Russ Abbot’s ‘See-You-Jimmy’ character & The Krankies), but these are very few and far between. But it’s not all doom and gloom on the accent front chaps. Many fine British bands are breaking through at the moment who do actually sound like they are from these shores so maybe all is not lost after all: Alan Donohue from The Rakes is one of the finest social commentators since Jarvis Cocker, Maximo Park are the first band since Lindesfarn and the first singer since Jimmy Nail to sing in a Geordie accent, The View sound like Billy Connolly after seventeen lines of cocaine and a night out drinking shit loads of Stella and The Enemy sound like Barry from Auf Weidersein, Pet with a rather angry cob on! There’s enough British sounding vocalists there you could shake a stick at! So, if you’re sick to death of listening to these Trans Atlantic sounding Brits, sit back, put your feet up, put Quadrophenia on, get yourself a can of warm Carling and have a rootin’ tootin’ good time yaall and remember: be careful out there. I’m off for a ‘soapy’ (better get me Lynx out) Mol

Come One My Face ... Book

Everyone I know these days pretty much uses Facebook, Myspace or one of the many other social networking sites. Either way you try to escape it you really can’t (even if some people you know set up pages using your name!!) One bird I know spends all night on it when she gets home and gives it her full un-divided attention (her kids probably know her as ‘that fat bastard who sits upstairs on the computer all night eating Curly Wurleys & Chomps’) the same girl in question has even admitted to me that she does not clean her house or cook for her three children!! Obsessively shocking I know, but not everyone I know spends all day telling people about how big one of their shits was on these social networking sites. It doesn’t really get on my nerves as such, but it can be slightly irritating as it seems some people’s lives are pretty much dictated by FB or MS. Now I know I’m gonna get loads of shit from some of you Facebookers who read this as you all know I don’t ‘do’ Facebook, but these social networking sites do a have plus side apart from meeting young men/women for a good old shag when you get home from the pub … they’re pretty helpful for un-signed musicians and bands. The other day Neil mentioned on one of my Blogs about bands gaining recognition through hard graft of their own doing. It got me thinking about a few months back when I remember having a conversation with a musically learned friend of mine about what Radiohead did with their last album ‘In Rainbows’. In case you didn’t know they released it as a free of charge download without the ‘services’ of a record label. This was seen by many (including me) as a pivotal moment in music history and a chance for many artists to break free of the corporate shackles most massive over-powering record labels like to strap to their ankles. Had Radiohead had enough of boardroom executives telling them what they could and couldn’t release and finally seen the light? Or did they get sick of the fact they were not being paid enough for their music? When Radiohead did release ‘In Rainbows’ free of charge they made it available for people to make a ‘donation’ or ‘contribution’ on the website they released it via if they wish to. This almost guaranteed some return of sale as there are no doubt plenty of generous die-hard Radiohead fans out there who would contribute pretty much anything at the drop of a hat. As they had no interference from a label attached to them during the ‘sale’ of the album the band made an absolute killing from donations from loyal fans and basically cut out the middle men (A&R, promotions, marketing, distributors, managers, execs, overheads, etc, etc) and proved to many established and up and coming bands that you can release an album without the help of a label. Now, as my afore mentioned friend said in his argument there is a massive difference between a band of Radiohead’s stature and appeal and that of four snotty nosed Scals who praccy in crash studios twice a week. Everyone knows if Radiohead released a fart (though some may well think I’m pretty much on the money with that comparison) it would sell and sell well. Bob Dingle and the Hairy Bollock Orchestra from some council estate in Huyton on the other hand though would have to work extremely hard to get themselves in the public eye. But there has been the odd exception when it comes to un-signed acts. As well as having alphabetically arranged CD’s, I’m also pretty sad enough to admit I used to watch Dragon’s Den. A few months back there were a band on called Hamfatter. Not really my cup of tea musically and the band’s manager was a bit of a Herbert, but, and it’s a big but: they went on the show looking for investment and backing so they could do all the normal stuff most bands do after they sign a record contract and receive some sort of cash advance like: release album, videos, tour, promotion, smash hotels up, etc … and they got it courtesy of Peter Jones (he’s the lanky streak of annoying piss who looks like Phil Pugh by the way – not Ryan Babel). I can’t say I’ve followed the progress of Hamfatter since they appeared on the telly, but what I hear is they are doing pretty well all with the help of some well connected business man and without the help of a record label. That speaks volumes to me as it’s a hell of a lot better than some bands do with a record contract (just look at The Zutons current position for example) Apart from getting your balls sucked by some rat from Page Moss, another plus side of using social networking sites is to think of the money bands spend advertising and marketing (which is actually paid back to your label by you – the band by the way) when you could basically advertise the date for you latest release or next tour on your Facebook or Myspace page free of charge. An alternative to the previous two is also to create your own website or go through the shady back street process of Fly-Postering (Ben: remember that time by the Mardi? – hahaha) Having read plenty of stories from some musicians about the perils and pitfalls of the music industry (one being the swimming pool that is full of shit you have to swim across scenario, I’ll find the story for you some time and show you it as it makes a pretty eye-opening read) it does make me wonder why some musicians continue their quest for the Holy Grail that is a record contract. Record execs (in my opinion) do nothing except delay most of their band’s progress by insisting the stuff they are about to put out is not up to their standards (even though some of these cigar smoking dickheads have never actually played an instrument or been part of a successful band in their lives). That, for me, is the root of all evil in music and it comes down to one precious thing: money and how much of it the greedy men at the top are going to make from your music!! Maybe Radiohead did change music for the better? Maybe they were greedy and just wanted to show their label that they don’t like being ripped off? Maybe they were sick of having to answer to someone? Who knows? I know most people who read this would gladly change places with someone who has the choice to just fuck off his boss and ‘go it alone’. But, at least Radiohead did one thing many many bands all around the world strive to do with their music: they did it on their terms and they are reaping the rewards!!! So, if your good enough and you have the will and drive to make it and have a decent fan base, who says you don’t need a label? That’s gotta make any musician feel ten feet tall … even if you are Thom Yorke! Mol

I'm Alright Jack, Keep Your Hands Off My Stack!

I was reading a rather interesting interview last week with the current chairman of the Brit Awards Panel: Ged Doherty. He said the British Music Industry is currently in a good position and is coping well with the global recession. Nice of him to say, isn’t it, especially as he is probably ‘earning’ way in excess of a six figure pay packet plus other lucrative ‘kickbacks’ no doubt. He also followed with some typical British doom & gloom comments about those scurrilous pesky downloading kids currently ‘ruining’ his plans for global musical domination (and also reducing the contents of his wallet) that really got my goat. Doherty went on to say that out of the six top selling acts in the world currently, four of them are British (Leona Lewis, Amy Winehouse, Duffy & Take That) These acts are making millions each year out of album & download sales as well as sponsorship deals and commercials (the one with Take That frolicking around with that bevy of beauties at crimbo still makes me feel sick to my boots by the way), but they are still missing out on the extra pennies being siphoned off their profits due to illegal downloading. Well boo fucking Hoo!! My heart fucking bleeds for them. By the way, I’m sorry to keep banging on about The Brits, but shit sticks doesn’t it and I do mainly write about stuff that gets my goat. That’s probably the reason you all love me so much isn’t it? Haha Anyway, last time I checked this country (and most of the world) was in a deep recession that could last for years leaving families with serious financial problems. People are being laid off from their jobs left, right and centre and the world is on the brink of financial collapse. Yet, Doherty and the rest of his well off well connected cronies are moaning about the small handful of illegal down loaders cutting into their profit margins by an approximate 5% each year! What an absolute tight-fisted scare mongering greedy twat! Personally, because of people like Doherty coming out with such comments like he did, I think it’s no wonder people ‘obtain’ their music via Limewire, illegal Russian websites, Pirate Bay and pirate CD copying. They still sound the same so why not run the gauntlet of obtaining them against the law instead of paying the rip off prices you would pay for them legally? The chances of you getting caught are pretty unrealistic anyway and what’s the worse that could happen, a nasty letter from Richard Branson saying “you could be in very big trouble, Sonny”? I’m literally shaking in my brand new Virgin boots you silly bearded faced tit! Which brings me to the nice role model over-paid superstars of today: Not all of us can afford the nasty little habits the likes of Amy Winehouse, Pete Doherty and many other of these sauced-up musicians and record execs alike have. Doherty & Winehouse have probably emptied half of South America up there noses yet they still moan about being ‘tormented’ while they sit in their luxury flats throwing punches (and lawsuits) at photographers whilst crying poverty and moaning about isolationism and all the other bullshit that comes with it. Musicians are experts at exploiting themselves in the eyes of the media as some sort of victims who the world has dealt a ‘bad hand’ to. Sadly there are enough suckers who are taken in by it. Look at some of the current pop stars selling their ‘stories’ through tabloid newspapers and publishers (with the help of a good writer, of course). Last time I looked I’m pretty sure Cheryl Cole has had two or three autobiographies during her fledgling pop career. Coldplay have released at least the same. God knows how many Metallica have had. Yet you still hear them banging on today about how much money they are losing via the black market. Heartbreaking isn’t it? I mean, it must be hard living in million dollar mansions in plush suburbs of Los Angeles & London without a financial care in the world while shovelling astronomical amount of marching powder up their nostrils mustn’t it? Another thing that gets me about these bastards raking in obscene amounts of money is the fraud aspect that gives them so many sleepless nights in their luxury four-poster beds. Now, don’t get me wrong here, I’m not really that bothered about people downloading music illegally as it can be quite an expensive hobby to obtain music through official channels as I’ve pointed out, but given the amounts of money that does pump through the music industry don’t you think the people ‘at the top’ should start investing some of their money into more advanced fraud prevention measures instead of spending all their time sitting on their yachts in Monaco drinking champagne and snorting cocaine off their 19 year old girlfriend’s brand new fake tits? Whoever coined the phrase Thatcher’s (greedy) Children was indeed right on the money (no pun intended by the way) So, next time you hear about some stuck up rich pop stars or Billionaire record executives going on about how their impoverished and privacy-invaded lives are ‘getting them down’ and that they’re missing out on an extra few pennies or how illegal downloads are ruining music, don’t rush to buy their book or their ‘story’ in Hello magazine and certainly don’t waste your sympathy on them. Just laugh at them and don’t give them the steam off your piss. They’ll think and do the same if it were you in their position. And finally, if you think illegal downloads are ruining music in a financial sense, take a look at the lifestyles these dickheads have and then compare it to someone who wants to have a bit of musical enjoyment in his life in these hard times by listening to music … but can’t as they’re on the dole. Different world isn’t it? Mol

At The Basement - A Tribute

I don’t usually do stuff like this as advertising and marketing isn’t really my thing, but I Just thought I’d give a mention to a music programme I’ve been watching lately on Sky Arts channel called ‘At the Basement’ that I think is absolutely superb. As per usual, and in the true spirit of this Blog, it got me thinking … What I love about the programme (apart from some of the superb bands they have on of course) is the pure simplicity of it. They have no crazy wild-haired presenter shoving a microphone in a rather intrusive fashion into someone’s face ‘presenting’ the show, they have no headache inducing intro music followed by one of those annoying adverts that are 80 decibels higher than the actually programme itself, they have no song titles before and after each song has been performed and best of all is that they have no talking. Just music! And that’s it! They even film the band at the end of their set putting their stuff away (can you imagine MTV or E4 Transmission asking Pink or Kelly Clarkson to pack away their guitar leads? – I don’t fucking think so) that, in my opinion, is a true reflection of what a music programme should be all about. Now don’t get me wrong here, some ‘TV DJ’s’ are actually quite watch-able to a certain extent, most notably being Zane Lowe as he can be quite knowledgeable when it comes to asking a band a question that doesn’t sound patronising. But he (and many of his colleagues) do have tendencies to kiss a lot of musicians’ arses in a big and rather embarrassing way especially when they talk to them about their latest album release (you never hardly hear a bad word said about them, but when they’re not face to face on the Brown couch they slag them to death!). But, the most annoying, embarrassing, arse-licking utter slimy piece of shit of them all has to be Jools Holland!! Urgh! The man really does make me feel like I’ve just ate a bucket of two day old cold sick! And have you noticed that he always has his ‘mates’ on his show (Tracey Chapman, Jeff Beck, KD Lang, Van Morrison, etc, etc) along with the usual jaaag un-known indie band and jaaag un-known African beat combo (who have about seventeen members with some superb Nelson Mandela shirts on by the way) And finally, the most annoying thing about Jools Holland’s show is the god awful way he goes over to sit and chat to the latest hip celebrity while they drink a bottle of Becks and talk about their latest book or TV show they have coming out. So much for the BBC’s impartiality on advertising eh? Corporate wanking and ego enhancement more like! Other ‘TV DJ’s’ that get on my tits are Jo Whiley and Lauren Lavern!! Sadly, the dreaded festival season is upon us now and I’m already fucking sick to the back teeth of these two dickheads portraying themselves as some sort of cool hippy chicks with her over-friendly nature sitting on a bails of hay with no shoes or socks on sucking up to the singer from The Kooks or Kasabian telling the, hoe great they are. I think they just fall short of sucking their cocks to be honest (then again, when the cameras are turned off, who knows what happens eh?). And as for the BBC’s coverage of Glastonbury & T In the Park, I’m sorry to say, but they should re-name them Celeb-bury or Celebri–T in The Park as they’re too busy focusing on what Lily Allen is wearing to make her extremely flat bee-sting size tits pop out (again) or type of wellies Kate Moss or other members of her entourage are wearing. Sometime during this fashion parade and the horrible sight of Jo Whileys fucking plates of meat, they might just show a few bands. So, do us a favour eh as you all know I like it when you chaps talk to me about some decent band you’ve seen lately, next time At the Basement is on, give it a watch and we can all hail the best music show on the telly (it’ll be one in the eye for the glitzy Music TV producers as well) So get it watched kids, either that or carrying on watching Jools Holland’s verbal molestation of KD Lang every week!! There’s a sight eh? Mol

Squeezing Out That Difficult Third

So, much to my delight, The Arctic Monkeys are back. And it has to be said, I’m as excited as Bubbles was at Michael Jackson’s will hearing. One thing always strikes me about the Monkeys is the way the critics suck up to them big time! Personally, I absolutely 100% agree with them as I love them and they have released two brilliant albums. They’re debut being, in my opinion, one of the finest British albums of all time and one of the greatest and cleverest concept albums since Dark Side of the Moon. But they’re now approaching that time in their careers that all musicians dread … the difficult third album. Now I know it’s a musical cliché and not every musician takes any notice of it, but I’m sure some of them do have a very good knowledge of music history and know that the difficult third does exist. The Monkeys though, I think they are a group of supremely confident young men (all still aged 23) who will just shrug it off with comment of “not arsed mate” and quietly get on with making decent music. Now, I’m no music critic by any standards, but having listening to the Monkeys latest single, I can’t help thinking that the lovey-dovey relationship between the critics and the Monkeys will soon be coming to an abrupt end as lets be honest here: critics love nothing better than sharpening their pencils in anticipation of a good old public execution. The NME are prize examples of this. The Monkeys two albums received an extremely rare and well deserved 10 for their debut and a 9 for their second so I’m guessing this time around when Humbug is due for released the lads in the band will be reading the review and be shell shocked to roll their eyes over a frosty 7 or indeed a (fucking freezin’) 6 Now, if they do receive a bad review for Humbug, I personally feel the blame should lie at the door of Alex Turner and his rather annoyingly sixties obsessed Last Shadow Puppets for ruining the party. The way I see it this this: the Monkeys were on a roll. No doubt they might have needed a break after a long spell of constant touring, so my question is this: why didn’t Turner? The rest of the band did! He should have took time out to write stuff for his number one ‘project’ instead of waddling off around Europe with his best mate and their Scott Walker tribute band Sadly, of late, there have been a succession of bands who have fell foul to squeezing out a difficult third in the shape of Kasabian, Franz Ferdinand and The Zutons, but there have been a couple of bands who (in my opinion) have released very good ‘difficult thirds’ and they are The Rakes (Klang) and The Killers (Day and Age), two stunning albums with very clever (and sometimes pornographic) lyrics provided by Alan Donohue and Brandon Flowers. These are of course two very different bands from The Artic Monkeys as The Killers are American and have never really captured the hearts of the British public in the way The Monkeys have and The Rakes have never (sadly) really hit the heights of mainstream Indie Music. Then again, they seem very comfortable and assured of having that ‘tag’ hanging around their necks. Personally I hope the Monkeys do well in their careers and I do like them as lads as they are a breath of fresh air that glides over a business that is far too obsessed with taking itself seriously and seriously full of people (acting like dickheads) who also have their heads firmly implanted in the anus’s. But remember this Mr Turner before you decided to have another ‘side project’ moment, if the music isn’t up to scratch and the reviewers have well and truly sharpened their pencils, as the one of your most famous tracks goes … “give him half the chance I bet he’ll rob you if he can I know he’s not impressed at all”. Mol