The Greatest Song Ever Written?

Every once in a while a song comes along that makes you think “how and where the hell did they get the inspiration to write such a song”

Personally, I’ve never really liked “Stairway” that much due to being an obsessive Zeppelin fan and obviously the stigma that has attached itself to the band over the years (some of the members actually dread the song due to being bombarded with requests to play the song by some of their more ‘pushy’ fans over the years)

But, when you see the song being performed by what can only be described as a ‘Pub Band’ containing one seriously bad show off guitarist (complete with extra Billy Ocean odour) and two seriously fit, talented ladies (complete with leather kex, boots and a pout that makes Posh Spice look like a chicken with a nettle stuck in its grid) – it kind of makes you stay and listen along to the song that usually fills you with dread.

So, coat on and half way out the door - listen I did. And, I’m glad I stayed as it was performed by previously mentioned Billy Ocean smelling show off and his two squeezes with the most exact, pinpoint accuracy I have ever had the joy to watch in my life.

After leaving the venue with a smile on my face and a sort of semi-on, I thought I‘ll have to go home and listen to it again. Sadly I couldn’t find the leather kex me missus used to wear years ago so she had to make do with a pair of mine (which, to be honest, were a bit loose around her arse, but hey ho)  

So, having listened to the song on my headphones with a slightly dizzy head due to afore mentioned erotic experience, it dawned on me – is Stairway to Heaven by Led Zeppelin the greatest song ever written?

The greatest song ever written is of course a touchy, murky, controversial subject that has been argued about for years by people who take such partisan views to the max and stick to their guns even though you think their talking gout of their hoops! But, I’m gonna (try) and sort out and maybe, without, sounding too much in Led Zep’s ‘corner’, make my point for ‘Stairway’ to be placed at the top of the table. 

Firstly, the lyrics courtesy of the one and only Golden God himself – Robert ‘Percy’ Plant: A lot of the lyrics (like most Zep songs) are stooped in mystery and confusion. The opening line “There a lady whose sure all that glitters is gold and she’s buying a stairway to heaven” – what does this mean? Is it a reference to the lost generation of hippies who yearned for the sixties ‘feel’ to return to their lives? Or, as popular opinion goes, it’s a reference to the hordes of Groupies that followed the band around complete with their very dangerous drug habits! Maybe, maybe not! That was the beauty of Plant’s lyrics – he made himself out to be a poet, but he wasn’t, he was just a rough arse from Birmingham who was graced with a phenomenal voice that sprouted into one of the most iconic vocalists of all time.

Plant’s other outstanding attribute was his range of vocal techniques which are evident in all 3 parts of ‘Stairway’. Plant could mix the ‘rough’ (“and as we wind on down the road/our shadows taller than our souls”) with the quaint (“Ooooooh and it makes me wonder”)

But, without doubt, the lyrics in this song are Plant’s finest. Here are a few examples:

“There’s a feeling I get, when I look to the west, and my spirit is crying for leaving”

“When she gets there she knows, if the stores are all closed, she can’t get what she came for”

“Through my thoughts I have seen, rings of smoke through the trees, and the forests will echo with laughter”

In a tree by the brook, there's a songbird who sings, sometimes all of our thoughts are misgiving”

Plant, although extremely comfortable in any Zep song, you get the feeling feels truly at home singing on this song! If you get a minute, sit back and have a very close listen to his voice in this song! You could almost imagine him sat there in his (overly) skin tight kex (2 eggs in a hanky), spliff in hand waving the other hand in the air while contemplating softly singing the words “does anyone remember laughter??”

Second, there was a certain member of Zeppelin who was playing guitar when he left the womb, a guitarist who was so talented with playing gut-wrenching guitar riffs and solos that he actually found time to produce some of the finest albums ever made! He is, of course, James Patrick Page – the TRUE driving force that made Zeppelin the band they were and encrusted them into rock n roll history that will never be forgotten!!

As for his ‘effort’ on ‘Stairway’ you only have to listen to the production work on the 4 (or so) guitars he plays on the actual song! It sounds like there are no over dubs at all as it sounds THAT good! Clear, crisp and, as always in Page’s case – perfect! He was THAT good!! Simple as that.

From the picking intro through to the end – the guitar work is quite simply superb and flawless. You can listen to any version you want whether it be on The Song Remains the Same, Led Zep 4, Celebration Day or the darkest depths of YouTube – Page does NOT waver! He does not flinch! In my opinions, it is without doubt one of the finest pieces of guitar work ever witnessed by anyone in the history of music!

Jimmy Page – I tip my hat!

Thirdly, the production: I only have a few words to say on this matter and it is quite simply this – Led Zeppelin’s 4^th album which contains ‘Stairway’ was released 42 years ago! FORTY TWO YEARS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fourthly, in my opinion, the rhythm section of John Paul Jones & John Bonham’s contribution to this record is pretty minimal. This is mainly due to the fact that Page & Plant (just for a change) stole the show! But, the drumming towards the end of the 2^nd ‘section’ and throughout the 3^rd ‘section’ is absolutely outstanding. As for Jones’ contribution, the organ he plays at the intro makes the intro feel almost like some sort of Christmas song Bing Crosby

Finally, there is one endearing quality that will always exist in ‘Stairway’ and it’s this – whenever anyone hears it they always roll their eyes with that ‘here we go’ expression all over their Chevy Chase waiting for some dodgy gimp with a mullet sporting a denim sawn-off on to do that stupid lighter-waving-in-the-air-routine!

But the truth is this – deep down, they know they are hearing one on the greatest, thought provoking song that has ever been written. Why is this? Is it because it makes you feel good? Is it because it makes you feel some sort of guilt that you never bothered to pick up the guitar or have a crack at singing and try to emulate your heroes? Personally, I think it makes me feel good as I am in total awe of this song and the great great band that produced this song!

So, there you have it – is Stairway to Heaven the best song ever written?

Personally I think Jumpin’ Jack Flash pisses on it!

But that’s another matter!

 

 

Mol

 

 

 

I Kissed a Girl and I Lied About It

Was having a riveting conversation a few weeks back with the missus about pop music. I was havin a ‘Chas n Dave’ while the missus was listening to some jaaag music channel in the bedroom when ‘I kissed a girl’ by Katy Perry came on. As I started chuckling to this song as I like to do, my missus enquired about my sudden bout of joviality. I then went on to ask my wife the question “did Ms Perry really kiss (or fuck) another girl or did she simply prove the shock factor that usually accompanies debut singles these days? – hence, was she telling porkies?
 

But, there are a few interesting slants, not just to Ms Perry’s alleged bean-flicking rendezvous’ with her comfortable shoe wearing friends – there is a whole new sinister side to this genre of modern day pop music

 

Firstly, no one tells the truth anymore when it comes to ‘writing’ songs. FACT! Pop Singers have to rely on fantasy and make believe to sell their records (that they write themselves, of course) to sell their products to their fans and other assorted curious flunkies mingling within the general public!

 

And, the really sad part of this is the idiots who actually BUY these songs/albums actually believe them! Beleibers – anyone???

 

This, nicely, leads me onto the current state of the song writing industry in general and the effects it has on the general public (you know who they are – they’re the mindless biffs who you work with who read Heat & Hello magazine who prattle on about …. Well I’ll get to that) …

 

Let’s use Rihanna as an example here – whilst she’s not singing about diamonds (??) or staging publicity shots of her falling out of nightclub with her latest (comfortable shoe wearing) friend or ‘standing by’ her low life boyfriend who (allegedly) beats the fucking shit out of her – does anyone really believe that she has the slightest traces of being a real person underneath all of this bullshit? She is one seriously fucking detached fucked up bitch who, it has to be said here, is gonna go the same way a certain Ms Winehouse did a few years back. Anyone who has her in a death sweep is onto a winner in my opinion.

 

Personally I couldn’t give two shits if her ‘boyfriend’ beats the shit out of her as, to be really honest her, and i know it may sound a bit insensitive to say this, but does he??? One things for sure though – she has played the sympathy card like a true champ! She may have even taken some tips from Cheryl ‘ah love ye’ Cole which can only mean one thing – ch-ching! How long before the book deal(s) eh?

 

This Blog also coincides with the great loss to the world of music that JLS (Just Lousy Singers) have announced they have split up and will be dedicating the rest of their time to modelling them really bent white vests that students wear these days. Of course, there is a slight interlude that will consist of a few more singles, an album and a ‘farewell’ tour before they hang up their vests. Which basically means two things:

 

1. They are NOT splitting up

2. They are trying to play catch up to One Direction

 

Anyone who thinks any different than these two points is a sad, pathetic, brain-washed dickhead who should serious consider suicide (if you haven’t already). Then again, I hope JLS realy do split up as it will leave just One Direction to do the right thing and (hopefully) a really messy, blood-soaked suicide from Justin Beiber!!! Then – i will rest!

 

Finally, I know the saying ‘smoke and mirrors’ is banded about a lot these days in the world of Show Business, but in my opinion it is becoming more and more ridiculous as each days passes! ‘Celebrity’, fame and music are morphing into one great bit shining beacon of loveliness, perfection, and glitter that far too many people are taken in by!

 

Pop Stars are becoming more and more detached from reality and normal society that they are bordering on the same level as Premiership Footballers! (who also have a penchant for spinning few yarns)

 

So, to quote John Lennon – “just gimme some truth!”

 

I hear that, John

 

 

 

 

Mol

 

 

Storm in a Teacup - I Bet You Think This Album Cover is about You

I was trawling through Spotify the other day looking for a few tracks to add to my already bulging playlist and I came across the seminal and quite brilliant debut album from Super Group (yeah, I hate that term as well) – Blind Faith! In case you’ve never seen the cover it I can only be described as a picture of a naked pre-pubescent girl holding some sort of silver object that looks remarkably like a British Vulcan Bomber (yes, I know, it was really tempting to make some sort of Jimmy Saville joke there, but I didn’t …. Er ….)

 

Anyway, as I was adding tunes and looking at the rather surprising and in some cases slightly disturbing album cover – it got me thinking that no one has slightly bizarre album covers anymore as many musicians/groups are too obsessed with having pictures of themselves on their album covers instead!

 

Now I know the world of pop/rock music has always been full of self-centred, self-obsessed beautifully wonderful human beings and for years many albums have had the occasional album cover featuring said artist/band in some sort of wacky, embarrassing, catalogue-style pose set in some exotic location.

 

Sadly, they are pretty much the norm these days and they are really starting to grind on me!!

 

Bill boards featuring massive King Kong-size photos of say: Rhianna are bad enough, but having to endure the same image over and over again with on-line pop ups, the side of buses, shop windows and other media outlets takes self promotion and vanity to a whole new level!  

 

Now, don’t get me wrong here, I know most of the great bands from the past EG: Cream, The Stones, The Beatles, etc, etc have all been responsible for having photos of themselves on their album covers, but lets be honest  here – it was only a small handful and the photos taken were at least shot by a professional photographer.

 

These days, the likes of One Direction (down), Adele, Take Twat and other assorted, perfect looking flunkies seem to be far too obsessed with images of themselves.

 

Instead of having a nice, glitzy, glamorous photo of themselves, would they really sell as many albums if they had a picture of say someone’s house or a block of flats (see Led Zeppelin’s classic album cover for Physical Graffiti) on the cover of their latest release? Simple answer is no! The reason for this obviously lies in the hands of the artist’s all-powerful record label and more to the point – the marketing department! This also points to the controversial point that artists no longer have a say in not just what they record, but how it is packaged and designed!

 

Which brings me nicely to my final point which is somewhat of an obituary:

 

This week saw the sad news of the death of one of the most important people who was responsible for creating some of the most iconic album covers ever designed – Storm Thorgerson.

 

In case you didn’t know, Storm Thorgerson has created some of the most superb and stand out albums covers for bands such as Led Zeppelin, Black Sabbath and Muse and most notably and successfully – Pink Floyd.

 

The most iconic, famous and intriguing designs Thorgerson created though has to be the front cover of Pink Floyd’s Dark Side of the Moon. It is still as stylish and as baffling today as it has always been, but its one redeeming feature and lasting trait would be this – it is original!

 

As well as having one of the coolest names ever, Thorgerson’s work had a level of perfectionism that has, in my opinion, never been repeated when it comes to album sleeve designing.

 

If you get a couple of minutes, have a look at the inner sleeve design for Pink Floyd’s Wish You Were Here album. The photography and attention to detail is outstandingly brilliant!

 

Now, compare Thorgerson’s works of art to the latest offerings from One Direction or Justin ‘I’m not Keith Moon’ Beiber for example and you will soon realise that the world of music doesn’t just have a problem with the music side of things … it also has an image problem as its nothing short of cheap and nasty!

 

Storm Thorgerson – RIP

 

 

 

Mol

 

 

 

The Fading Strokes of Influence

 

Today I was having a listen to 6 Music in the kitchen when the rather tedious, but strangely sexy Edith Bowman announced the imminent arrival of the new track from The Strokes called One Way Trigger from their forthcoming new album Comedown Machine

 

So, knife down, cider open and volume up as the Goulash could wait! … My disappointment could not have been more exaggerated if you tried as it had to be one of the biggest piles of shit if have ever heard in my life!! – synth pop of the highest order! (Think: Kraftwerk meets Girls Aloud and you might get the picture)

 

So, without further ado, as the less said about this pile of wank the better, let’s go back to 2001 and reflect on a band that was a focal point of that new, hip and cool music scene in New York – The Strokes! Not only did they release one of the best debut albums of all time – ‘Is This It’ the band had everything! – great lyrics, great production, hype, talent to back up the hype, two outstanding lead guitarists, charismatic lead singer, more hype and most important of all – influence!

 

Is This It represented more than just a cool looking bunch of outcasts in The Strokes – it started a new scene of Indie/Rock music paving the way for a new era of bands like The Vines, Kings of Leon, Franz Ferdinand, Black Rebel Motorcycle Club, The Walkmen and Arcade Fire. The afore mentioned use of guitars was re-born and the art of guitar playing was well and truly in the ascendancy! Influence of the guitar was back up and running!

 

Sadly, for the true troubadours of this scene – The Strokes – the year is now 2013 and it has to be said – they are sadly still living off that time and most important of all – they’re name!

 

And, four rather scrappy, poor and in some instances dire albums later they simply haven’t ‘moved on’ at all. I’m not really saying there is a whiff of desperation about the chaps in The Strokes, but you do get the feeling they are slightly hanging onto past glories. Either that or they are honouring their current record deal in the faint hopes of securing one last big pay day as they push into their late thirties

 

Now, don’t get me wrong here people as I’ve always been a massive fan of The Strokes, but this whole scenario kind of reminds me of a famous Bill Hicks sketch when he talks about Elvis when he died. If you’re not familiar with it, he basically calls for Elvis to be shot dead sometime in the late fifties when he was (as some people put it) at the height of his fame and not over weight, high on coke and a drunken mess!

 

Bill’s point was that people will remember Elvis as a young, fit, handsome and talented man instead of the rather portly chap he was when he died.

 

Now, everyone knows that apart from a very small handful, not every band/artist can hold the title of being influential throughout ALL of their career. The Strokes are 100% proof of this fact!

 

Sad for them really as I rather like(d) them

 

 

 

Mol

 

 

 

Justice through Music

Sometimes music really doesn’t matter

 

Sometimes it does!

 

This week – it does

 

I’m sure most of you are aware that this week sees the release of ‘He Ain’t Heavy, He’s My Brother’ by the Justice Collective. This song has been released in accordance with the efforts of the Families of the 96 people who so tragically lost their lives at Hillsborough in 1989

 

Now i never usually do advertising of certain music products on this here Blog, but this really is a truly exceptional case due to the failings of the people who were employed to serve and protect the people they so tragically didn’t on that fateful day in South Yorkshire 23 years ago

 

So, on your feet people (or, as Ray Winstone would say – get ye mobiles and laptops out!)

 

You know what you have to do

 

YNWA

 

 

 

Mol

Rolled Gold

 

So! The boys are back eh?

 

Yup! It’s the news most fans of The Stones have been waiting for and the news the world’s critics (and their pencil sharpeners) have also been waiting for – 50 years of the greatest rock n roll band the world has ever witnessed

 

Now, anyone who knows me and who also reads this Blog knows of my un-dying love for all things ‘Mick n Keef’, but, it has to be said, the recent ‘events’ surrounding The Rolling Stones’ 50^th anniversary has left me slightly scratching my barnet in bemusement and slight disbelief.

 

First up I couldn’t believe my eyes when I read that the cheapest seats the band are selling for the O2 gigs were for £95 (with some gigantic, fat bell end sat in front of you no doubt). As for the dearest corporate Prawn Sandwich brigade seats that are usually reserved for Kate Moss or some Bent Russian Gangster, they were goin for nearly a grand! A GRAND!!!

 

Now I know a lot of people may think that is pure extortion (which I’m not arguing about as simply put – it is), but the band should really think of the knock on affect the pricing for these concerts is going to have! You can almost hear Rihanna or Coldplay’s accountants thinking “if The Stones can charge a grand ……”

 

Personally, Mick & Keef and their army of lawyers and clever accountants should have thought this through a lot more due to the current financial climate the country finds itself in. (I was gonna make some cheap gag containing ‘Doom & Gloom’ for a minute, but decided not to … oh, hang on ….)

 

Second up on The Stones not-to-do list in my opinion is an old one that people continue to bring up every time they get together  – they are simply too old to kick it anymore!

 

Keith fell out of a tree a few years back! Thankfully, Keith was fine but the tree was severely damaged and had to be put out of its misery! Add to that that he still looks like Zelda from the Terrorhawks and he really does look like a mess!! Although he recently had a cancer scare but is now ok, Charlie Watts has started to resemble the old Dad from the Texas Chainsaw Massarce and looks like he’s about to collapse any minute (to be honest – I’ve seen Stuey play the drums for a good few hours and even he’s been fucked afterwards and he’s only 47!!!). Ronnie Wood, as we all know, enjoys one too many drinks as well as the affections of certain Russian cocktail waitresses! As for his smoking, he’s had that same Marlboro is his gob since 1975!!

 

And Mick, ah, good old Sir Mick! The Eternal Red Rooster is still prancing around like a ferocious beaver asking Keith for the price of a tin of beans!! On the subject of Sir Mick though, My wife said to me the other night when we were watching the rather splendid ‘Crossfire Hurricane’ in a scene after making a comment about what Keith said about Charlie having to look at Sir Mick’s arse for 50 years. She said “I feel sorry for Stuey having to look at your arse as well”. So, my darling wife, and Stuey as well, my point(s) here regarding mine and Sir Mick’s backsides are these:

 

1. Sir Mick’s arse resembles two Hot Crossed Buns underneath a velvet hanky, while my arse is pretty fit for my age
2. Stuey enjoys looking at my arse (fact)
3. Stuey’s mother-in-law enjoys looking at my arse (fact)
4. I’ll leave it there for now!

 

Finally, as I’m actually finding it hard to think of a third criticism, why on god’s earth have they dug Bill Wyman out of his boring arsed grave to play again with the band? I get a massive wiff of show biz bullshit about this!

 

I mean, lets be honest here, I could hardly imagine people queuing around the block to buy tickets just because Bill Wyman is playing (2 songs) with The Stones again!! He’s hardly a sex symbol again (yeah, I know, lets not talk about his first spell as a sex symbol) is he? Lets just hope Mandy Smith and her Ma’ don’t turn up this time as the first time that story came out pretty much made me feel sick to the bone anyway! I could do without it rearing its ugly head again thanks very much!

 

But, I’m not gonna sit here all day and slag off The Stones as there are many many legitimate reasons not to slag them off (one being that it pained me to write most of the above)

 

Firstly they have been responsible for some of the greatest songs anyone has ever heard in the history of popular music! And, in true style of all ‘writers’ who quote some songs when writing anything about The Stones, I’m gonna list some of them (if you disagree with me, you a quite simply an arse)

 

Jumping Jack Flash

Gimme Shelter

Satisfaction

Sympathy for the Devil

Street Fighting Man

Wild Horses

Tumbling Dice

 

These songs truly defy time! They also sound even better when re-mastered. Add to them to many other album tracks (which I’m not gonna list) that also stand the test of time and you come to realise that some people might have been pretty deluded when making quotes about comparing The Beatles to The Stones!

 

As for their best albums which were, granted, only over a spell of a few years, Sticky Fingers, Let it Bleed, Exile on Main Street and Beggars Banquet were nothing short of utter masterpieces!

 

Now, if you add together the above list of great songs and albums and then add to the mix the social and political situations of the time of the late sixties and early to mid seventies including civil un-rest and cultural changes (some people call it revolution) – The Stones’ timing could not have been anymore perfect for people to be turned onto their music!

 

They were the icons and inspiration of a generation that fought against the establishment and walked the path a lot of today’s pop stars (including their sponsors) could not even imagine to go down! They were the ultimate outlaws on a different planet of excess and debauchery that would kill off the toughest of people only to come out it smelling of roses leaving a legacy of music that still stands the test of time today!!!

 

But, my final point here is a killer point and it’s this - where there is demand, a band will always guarantee to play! That is what The Stones do! That is what ALL bands do! Whether they play in a pub in Knowsley that no one turns up to, or a sell out at the O2 arena – a band will always play!

 

And, although they have a combined age of 6788, The Stones are STILL a band and that is what they do! They don’t work in a library or collect road cones off a motorway or clean shit out of public bogs, they are musicians who play in a band, and, pending any un-expected deaths in the forthcoming future, I thoroughly expect them to carry on until they drop!

 

Love it or hate it – that is just simply the way of things!

 

Long live The Stones – STILL (after 50 years) the greatest rock n roll band in the world

 

 

Mol

 

 

 

We’ve been here before and we’ll be here again

Breaking news: Man lands on the moon! People attend Outriders gig and someone is booted off X Factor who (allegedly) didn’t deserve to be!

 

So, people have been taking to Twitter and Facebook to vent their spleen about some girl who can allegedly sing who has been booted off X Factor! Well boo fucking hoo!! My heart absolutely bleeds for the poor girl!

 

With regards to the people who watch this shit  – using up your time to watch the programme is bad enough! But using up your time to go onto Facebook and write a six page rant about some bird who signed up to do the show and accept the consequences in the first place (its called – not winning) is quite laughable. Facebook should only be used to have proper rants about important thinks like proper bands and slagging people off and …… er …….. hang on!

 

I remember watching 8mm with Nicholas Cage a few years back. There was a line in it that seems quite apt for the latest controversy surrounding X Factor – “when you dance with the devil the, devil doesn’t change”. That seems rather appropriate in the case of afore mentioned young lady wouldn’t you say?

 

But the truth here is (once again) that there are a few un-written rules about X Factor the people who participate and the idiots who watch it who get ‘up in arms’ about controversial decisions need to take note of for future reference when they are either taking part in X Factor or watching X Factor when they should be upstairs rattling their missus on a Saturday/Sunday night:

 

1. Controversy rules!

 

2. The programme is, and always has been, fixed! (see above)

 

3. There is absolutely no difference what so ever between the acts that appeared last week compared to the acts that appeared five years ago and you are kidding yourself if you think your life isn’t as goldfish like as some people may point out to you!

 

1. Remember a few weeks back when Louis ‘Hair Transplant’ Walsh was spotted ‘having a word’ with some fella who ran over to him and obviously gave him some instructions about voting some poor bastard off the show? It was truly shocking and hardly subtle! Gary Barlow was that shocked he actually stormed off the show, said a couple of naughty swear words and went straight home to bed and went to sleep without any Horlicks or his favourite teddy bear! But, the way it was executed simply didn’t make sense apart from being a classic example of who really DOES have the final say – I’ll let you into a secret – it’s not the judges!  The words ‘Bung’ springs to mind!

 

Also controversy guarantees a greater television audience hence guaranteeing the profits of the Almighty (you know who). Hence increasing his influence into the world of music and light entertainment. Hence increasing his influence and control on people’s everyday life! Hence …… you get the picture don’t you?  Say yes, Simon? Say yes, Simon? Say yes, Simon? Say yes, Simon? Say yes, Simon? Say yes, Simon? Say yes, Simon? Say yes, Simon? Say yes, Simon?

 

Sorry, my keyboard seems to be broke!

 

2. Si’ll Fix It! Now, I have no truthful reasons for saying it’s a fix as I personally have no vested interest in the show as you all know i would rather spend 6 hours snorting speed with Jimmy Saville and Gary Glitter while watching re-runs of Play School!!

 

But, me being me, I do have a couple of theories and one of them is that the ‘best’ (if there is such a thing) acts will always make an appearance the following year and give some sad bastards with no life something to look forward to! You know the type of clip the programme’s producers will show – slow, heart rendering piano music over them showing re-runs of how they were disappointedly thrown off the previous year, how their Dog or their Nan or their Dad died the year after and they are back to ‘prove a point’ that they CAN be the best and dedicate it to said Nan, Dog or Dad!

 

Situations like this (similar to Cheryl ‘A Luv Ye’ Cole’s tears) is always guaranteed to pull on the Nation’s heart strings that, once again, increase ratings! Hence it’s a fix by the Almighty!). Hence increasing his influence into the world of music and light entertainment. Hence ……. Snip!

 

3. The Mong remains the same!

 

Have you ever noticed how the acts who appear on X Factor and then go onto have ‘successful’ pop careers are so template-like? There is no difference what so ever! For example I will refer you (if you don’t mind) to the case of One Direction (or 1D as I like to know them as) and the other catchy teeny boppers JLS (Just Lousy Singers). Apart from the colours of their skin they are absolutely 100% musically the same apart from one tiny little thing – one group have disappeared off the face of the planet and the other have taken over the planet!

 

Remember about two years ago when JLS took over the world? Can anyone now tell me what they are doing now? Er ……….. ??? Clue – keep your eyes peeled behind the counter next time your in KFC

 

This is mainly down to one thing – the world simply isn’t big enough for two of The Almighty’s bands! And the truth is this – if your good enough and you manage to moisten the knickers of enough thirteen year old girls (no Jimmy Saville jokes please) – you will get your ‘15 minutes’! After that you best get the directions to the nearest Butlin’s as that’s where you’ll be singing for the next ten years!

 

But One Direction (1D) and more importantly the FANS of One Direction (1D) – take note – The Almighty will chew you up, spit you out, shit on you  and empty your fucking bank balances within the blink of an eye as soon as the next gang of good looking Vagina Wetting Experts come along!

 

You have been warned so you better book yourself a space on the nearest bridge for the day when it all comes crashing down and your shallow, pathetic worlds fall to pieces

 

But, all you shallow people who worship the baldy pubic area that these ten year old teeny boppers walk on remember this before you throw yourselves off the nearest bridge or jump in front of the next train - The Almighty always has a plan! Next year, as One Direction will begin their 2^nd set in The Phoenix Club, the conveyer belt deep in the heart of Cowell Towers will be in over drive and creating the latest ‘strand’ of heart throbs just in time for the start of the next X Factor!  

 

So never fear!!

 

The Almighty has already created more pop life to give you your weekly fix of orgasmic inducing sensational pop delight!

 

Hence increasing his influence …………. Ah, fuck it!

 

 

 

 

Mol