Monday, 26 November 2012

Rolled Gold


 
So! The boys are back eh?

 

Yup! It’s the news most fans of The Stones have been waiting for and the news the world’s critics (and their pencil sharpeners) have also been waiting for – 50 years of the greatest rock n roll band the world has ever witnessed

 

Now, anyone who knows me and who also reads this Blog knows of my un-dying love for all things ‘Mick n Keef’, but, it has to be said, the recent ‘events’ surrounding The Rolling Stones’ 50th anniversary has left me slightly scratching my barnet in bemusement and slight disbelief.

 

First up I couldn’t believe my eyes when I read that the cheapest seats the band are selling for the O2 gigs were for £95 (with some gigantic, fat bell end sat in front of you no doubt). As for the dearest corporate Prawn Sandwich brigade seats that are usually reserved for Kate Moss or some Bent Russian Gangster, they were goin for nearly a grand! A GRAND!!!

 

Now I know a lot of people may think that is pure extortion (which I’m not arguing about as simply put – it is), but the band should really think of the knock on affect the pricing for these concerts is going to have! You can almost hear Rihanna or Coldplay’s accountants thinking “if The Stones can charge a grand ……”

 

Personally, Mick & Keef and their army of lawyers and clever accountants should have thought this through a lot more due to the current financial climate the country finds itself in. (I was gonna make some cheap gag containing ‘Doom & Gloom’ for a minute, but decided not to … oh, hang on ….)

 

Second up on The Stones not-to-do list in my opinion is an old one that people continue to bring up every time they get together  – they are simply too old to kick it anymore!

 

Keith fell out of a tree a few years back! Thankfully, Keith was fine but the tree was severely damaged and had to be put out of its misery! Add to that that he still looks like Zelda from the Terrorhawks and he really does look like a mess!! Although he recently had a cancer scare but is now ok, Charlie Watts has started to resemble the old Dad from the Texas Chainsaw Massarce and looks like he’s about to collapse any minute (to be honest – I’ve seen Stuey play the drums for a good few hours and even he’s been fucked afterwards and he’s only 47!!!). Ronnie Wood, as we all know, enjoys one too many drinks as well as the affections of certain Russian cocktail waitresses! As for his smoking, he’s had that same Marlboro is his gob since 1975!!

 

And Mick, ah, good old Sir Mick! The Eternal Red Rooster is still prancing around like a ferocious beaver asking Keith for the price of a tin of beans!! On the subject of Sir Mick though, My wife said to me the other night when we were watching the rather splendid ‘Crossfire Hurricane’ in a scene after making a comment about what Keith said about Charlie having to look at Sir Mick’s arse for 50 years. She said “I feel sorry for Stuey having to look at your arse as well”. So, my darling wife, and Stuey as well, my point(s) here regarding mine and Sir Mick’s backsides are these:

 

  1. Sir Mick’s arse resembles two Hot Crossed Buns underneath a velvet hanky, while my arse is pretty fit for my age
  2. Stuey enjoys looking at my arse (fact)
  3. Stuey’s mother-in-law enjoys looking at my arse (fact)
  4. I’ll leave it there for now!

 

Finally, as I’m actually finding it hard to think of a third criticism, why on god’s earth have they dug Bill Wyman out of his boring arsed grave to play again with the band? I get a massive wiff of show biz bullshit about this!

 

I mean, lets be honest here, I could hardly imagine people queuing around the block to buy tickets just because Bill Wyman is playing (2 songs) with The Stones again!! He’s hardly a sex symbol again (yeah, I know, lets not talk about his first spell as a sex symbol) is he? Lets just hope Mandy Smith and her Ma’ don’t turn up this time as the first time that story came out pretty much made me feel sick to the bone anyway! I could do without it rearing its ugly head again thanks very much!

 

But, I’m not gonna sit here all day and slag off The Stones as there are many many legitimate reasons not to slag them off (one being that it pained me to write most of the above)

 

Firstly they have been responsible for some of the greatest songs anyone has ever heard in the history of popular music! And, in true style of all ‘writers’ who quote some songs when writing anything about The Stones, I’m gonna list some of them (if you disagree with me, you a quite simply an arse)

 

Jumping Jack Flash

Gimme Shelter

Satisfaction

Sympathy for the Devil

Street Fighting Man

Wild Horses

Tumbling Dice

 

These songs truly defy time! They also sound even better when re-mastered. Add to them to many other album tracks (which I’m not gonna list) that also stand the test of time and you come to realise that some people might have been pretty deluded when making quotes about comparing The Beatles to The Stones!

 

As for their best albums which were, granted, only over a spell of a few years, Sticky Fingers, Let it Bleed, Exile on Main Street and Beggars Banquet were nothing short of utter masterpieces!

 

Now, if you add together the above list of great songs and albums and then add to the mix the social and political situations of the time of the late sixties and early to mid seventies including civil un-rest and cultural changes (some people call it revolution) – The Stones’ timing could not have been anymore perfect for people to be turned onto their music!

 

They were the icons and inspiration of a generation that fought against the establishment and walked the path a lot of today’s pop stars (including their sponsors) could not even imagine to go down! They were the ultimate outlaws on a different planet of excess and debauchery that would kill off the toughest of people only to come out it smelling of roses leaving a legacy of music that still stands the test of time today!!!

 

But, my final point here is a killer point and it’s this - where there is demand, a band will always guarantee to play! That is what The Stones do! That is what ALL bands do! Whether they play in a pub in Knowsley that no one turns up to, or a sell out at the O2 arena – a band will always play!

 

And, although they have a combined age of 6788, The Stones are STILL a band and that is what they do! They don’t work in a library or collect road cones off a motorway or clean shit out of public bogs, they are musicians who play in a band, and, pending any un-expected deaths in the forthcoming future, I thoroughly expect them to carry on until they drop!

 

Love it or hate it – that is just simply the way of things!

 

Long live The Stones – STILL (after 50 years) the greatest rock n roll band in the world

 

 

Mol

 

 

 

No comments: