Rock Biopics = Yawn!!!

Just been reading about a new film coming out next month about John Lennon’s life towards the end of his career in The Beatles. As soon as I read the write up on it I thought “not another cheesy rock-biopics!” looks like I’m not gonna be disappointed either! If its not clichés galore like trashing hotels and failed romances with groupies, it’s predictable storylines about rags to riches and hit songs done in one take! Boring boring utterly fucking boring! I remember going to see the debut of The Doors in the early nineties at the multi plex pictures in Croxteth (that’s the nice part of Liverpool in case you didn’t know). It has to be the one and only time I’ve seen police inside there due to the amount of pot heads skinning up. The film, although full of the afore mentioned clichés, didn’t fail to impress as Oliver Stone made one of the best rock biopics I’ve personally seen. A rarity in the film world! But there has been some utter shit! Anyone ever seen the, not one, but two films about The Beach Boys? Fuck me, that is one seriously shit film!!! I know The Beach Boys had a few albums out and did generally do a hell of a lot of touring during their lengthy careers, but to fit it all into two 2 and a half hour feature length films is bordering on the ridiculous and seriously taking the fucking piss!! The worse part of the film though is the bit when Dennis Wilson is introduced to Charles Manson. They guy who plays Manson looks like Happy Gilmore’s Caddy. You’ve gotta watch it just for that as absolutely you’ll laugh your fucking arse off Other notable shit music films include the rather cringe worthy ‘Almost Famous’. It’s like a combination of all male bravado rock star chaps and nicey nicey fluffy bunny-like birds all mixing together as a band try to break into superstardom from the dole drums of rock obscurity. It also contains the obvious rock myths that all bands sing together on the tour bus, band members taking drugs and the ever present story line of a band about to break up due to some sort of jaaag fight! No pun here, but you’d think any director taking up this kind of challenge would change the fucking record wouldn’t ye? As regards the whole concept of rock biopics, I personally think they are boring for the main reason musicians are boring! Can you imagine going the pictures and watching three hours worth of (say for example) The Story of Take That? Or three hours of Girls Aloud? I wouldn’t know what was the truth was and what was fiction as a lot of these pop stars have censorship orders signed into their contracts in order to protect their squeaky clean image. Now what would be a good idea is to make an un-official version following the release of the official version. Mark Owen could be a crack dealer with a serious habit of shit flavoured sherbet products and Howard (the gimp with the lisp) could have an obsession with arse-less chaps and nipple tassels!! And a twist in the tale to the Girls Aloud Story would be that Cheryl Cole ends up getting dumped by her husband as she discovers he has a habit of shoving mobile phones up his arse!! You just couldn’t write it could ye? Mol