Looking Across The Pond ... In Great Despair!

Apologises for the lack of Blog action last week kids, I hurt my hand after playing my first game of footy for nearly ten years!! Back in the saddle though, and yes, watching me play the beautiful game is still like watching Brazil! Sadly though it seems I’m destined to leave the legend that is the ‘Franco Beresi of Huyton’ on the sidelines for a few more weeks due to a rather freak accident kicking a stone outside my house showing off in front of my bird! Idiot! Not too sure of the result, but I’ve been reliably informed by Chris Hoy (Wrighty) that I have torn a muscle in my thigh! Nice. Anyway, a few months ago I remember I looked out the window in work towards the mighty aircraft hanger that is Asda. (or ‘The Asda’ if your reading, Boydy) Hahaha. Anyway, there was a massive queue of young kids going around the block waiting to see some jaaag washed up Alkey American Wrestler who was doing a book signing (good job it wasn’t during the G20 demonstrations as no doubt these kids would have been the youngest victims of tear gassing and heavy use of truncheons in history) Anyway, I can’t remember the wrestler’s name, but I don’t think he had his speedos on as he would have probably been arrested by the Nonce Police and thrown into prison with half of Joey Barton’s family by now, (sounds fun) but it did get me thinking about the appeal these American ‘celebrities’ have on young English kids today and how much influence they hold over them. As for their musicians … Have you ever felt nothing but pure, unadulterated RRRRRAAAAAGE when hearing a certain song? I have, fairly recently actually, and the latest instalment to batter my ears and terrify my mind comes courtesy of a new band all the way from across the pond called All American Rejects. I don’t know if you have heard their latest song, but if you haven’t, please, I beg you do NOT listen to it as it IS worse than ‘Rock Star’ by that gang of twats Stickleback. If you have heard it though, you’ll understand my new found level of exasperation. Anyway, I don’t know about you, but whenever I hear anything by the likes of Sum 41, Blink 182, Fall Out Boy, Wheatus, Stickleback, Greenday, Limp Biskit, Puddle of Mud and the unbearably god awful All American Fucking Rejects I can’t help but squirm and pull that face like you’ve just snapped your banjo string! The set ups: The guitar tracks on all of the songs are double (if not triple) tracked, the vocals all sounds so synthetic, whiney and polished you’d think it was Michael J Fox singing while sat on a washer dryer and the rest of the music sounds like its been taken from a previous generic track from all of the afore mentioned bands put together! It is nothing more than slack, manufactured and utterly soulless American pap!! As for the lyrics (if you can call them lyrics) they all consist of the usual bullshit you’d expect from an American teenager hell bent on destruction, hatred and school-ridden anarchy. Here’s a few examples of what you’ll hear… Ø Disgruntled youths who hate their parents and want to shoot them Ø Disgruntled youths who hate their teachers and want to shoot them Ø Disgruntled youths who hate the school’s super-fit cheerleader or superstar quarterback and want to shoot them both Ø Disgruntled youths who hate their jobs working in fast food outlets and want to shoot every one of their customers Another thing that I’ve noticed about these ‘social rejects’ of the American rock scene is the silly three quarter length trousers, baseball caps & black t-shirts with a skull logo on the front. The young lads look like total whoppers wearing this stuff, but slightly elder chaps such as the likes of Fred Durst & Chad ‘I-sound-like-I’m-strangling-a-rather-uncomfortable-prickly-turd’ Kroegar donning such attire replaces my afore mentioned rage (Ala: Jules from Pulp Fiction) with out and out fits and barrels of laughter! Another thing that grinds on my genitalia about this nation of war mongers, unregulated bankers and shit bands are the reasons why they are so popular in Britain. I just don’t get it. What can anyone with the slightest degree of musical decency and integrity see in these bands with their whiney vocals and silly clothing? We live in a nation that has always been steeped in rich musical tradition and heritage and famous throughout the whole world so why have we allowed ourselves to get into this situation that means our airwaves, ipods and other musical outlets are clogged up with this fucking cheap American shit? Has our nation truly become so dumb we find ourselves listening to and accepting this shit? Its bad enough we have the likes of Gladiators and High School Musical (last time I check I do believe we still had comprehensive schools in this country anyway) splashed all over our fucking televisions! Personally I’m sick to fucking death of it so much that’s I’m seriously beginning to resent the odd decent American band who we get to hear in this country! Musical xenophobia, I hear you say? You bet your bollocks to a barn door it is! So, if you’re like me you sometimes see your arse because of shit American college rock bands hell bent on infecting this country’s music scene with their cheerleader-shagging-I’m-the-best-quarterback-in-school-and-i-pick-on-nerdy-kids-for-the-hell-of-it songs, start taking a stand against this shit and make your feelings known on the following websites: http://www.lifeistooshortforutterdogwankamericancollegekidrockbands.com/ Or http://www.fuckoffbacktoyouramericancollegeandtakesomegunswithyouandshootanypossiblebandsofthefuturewhileyouratit.com/ I guarantee you’ll feel a hell of a lot better afterwards And finally remember this: life’s too short for shit music and you shouldn’t have to put up with it or have your ears subjected to it either! You got that? … BUDDY?? Mol