Welcome To The House (That Was) Fun

This week saw the closure of the world famous Astoria venue in London. It was an iconic venue home to some of the most notorious of gigs including Nirvana, Radiohead & The Manic Street Preachers (their last gig as a four piece by the way). Although I’ve never been there myself, the Astoria has long been known in the music community as a dingy, smelly place that was pretty much revered by many people who attended gigs there. To me, it sounds like heaven when you compare it to some of today’s more modern arenas After reading the article about The Astoria, it got me thinking about music venues of today in general and of course the MEN (Manchester, in case you didn’t know) as I’ve seen many gigs there myself. Apart from having to get the last train home (as I live in Liverpool) or running the gauntlet of hiring a dodgy ‘cab’ off a non-English speaking gent while he bombs it down the M62 at speeds Lewis Hamilton does during his day job, the place to me is just quite simply another example of corporate greed taking the soul out of music and replacing dingy music venues and with these nice big shiny ones (with all mod cons, of course). Music venues to me are about three things: music, character and atmosphere. It’s not about glamour, image, glitz, fashion, corporate sponsors, money or how many oranged-up scally birds with fake tits wearing Armani dresses you can get standing at the bar. But, sadly music has become another ‘label’ to the new found music glitterati. I’ve lost count of how many women I know saying “Eeee, I can’t wait to see Kings of Leon next week” just because the gig is in the Echo Arena (Liverpool’s new Wanna-be-WAG playground). I wonder if any of the girls actually posses a KOL album? They remind me of the girls you see wearing Ramones t-shirts (I’m always tempted to ask these Air-Heads if they can actually name all four of the Ramones, but that’s a bit too cruel) One of the best gigs I ever went to was Hundred Reasons playing the Barfly in Liverpool a good few years ago. No one else wanted to go (as most of my mate’s thought they were gash) so I decided to take my missus. She had no idea what type of band they were like, so in order to secure her company for the evening I told her they were an ‘easy on the ears pop act’ with some nice soothing tunes and a steady background rhythm section (ha ha). The look on her face two songs in when it seemed the ceiling was going to cave in due to amount of lunatics there were crowd surfing, throwing beer everywhere, stamping their feet and basically having a good old mosh was absolutely priceless!!! My hand was firmly gripped by hers for the rest of the evening as she looked on in sheer terror. My ‘Boyfriend of the Year Award Winners Speech’ was not needed that year, a bandage to heal her nail imprints was needed!! That to me though it is what makes a brilliant venue: Sweat dripping off the ceiling, 1cm of piss on the bog floor, ear-bleedingly-loud speaker system, low lit corners for anyone wanting a moment of intimacy and of course very little security presence, basically – dingy! As well all know Liverpool is steeped in rich musical history, but apart from the Cavern, no one ever really mentions the venues when they do talk about the Liverpool scene. Liverpool has it’s fair share of good old fashioned venues: The Lomax, The Picket, the Zanzibar and The Carling Academy are fine examples (though sadly most of them are now closed) although I must admit I have fell down the stairs on quite a few occasions in the Academy (and they are pretty steep as most of you can vouch). But that’s by the by and worth taking and contributing towards a memorable night out, which by the way brings me to a certain M Keenan of Huyton, Liverpool when he tied the shoe laces together of some poor bastard who took the knock on the stage one night. The sight of him falling flat on his face as he was revived by his friends (who were in on the jape) was probably the most hilarious thing I’ve ever seen in a club. Even the bouncers laughed!!! Now, take Mr Keenan’s antics of then and try and repeat them now and you’d probably end up in court the next day (if you got the chance to carry out the scurrilous act, of course). It’s got so bad that some places even hire fashion police on their doors these days. The less said about them tits the better!! Don’t get me wrong, not all dingy venues are great as some of them are pretty much so run down they are beyond shit! During my time in the band we played in pretty much every venue in Liverpool and quite a few up and down the country. The Pit in Liverpool was one such aptly named venue. Fuck me! That was one seriously shit place to play! I remember fusing the microphone once whilst singing, I felt like I’d just necked Jaa Jaa Binks after he’d just sucked on a battery!!!! So, everyone, do me a favour: next time you go to a gig in one of these state of the art venues, remember a few things: music isn’t about being in a plastic, soulless, corporate arse-kissing arena, it’s about music and atmosphere. If they don’t have them you may as well go home. Either that or try and tie someone’s shoe laces together, sit back and watch the carnage unfold. Mol