Kick Out The Dad's Motherfu***rs !!!!!

A few weeks ago I received one of them extremely embarrassing video texts from a so called mate of mine (not gonna name any names here, but everyone knows the tall fella with the stick-on haircut I used to play the drums with don’t they?) Anyway, the video nasty in question was taken at a mate’s wedding when, in typical drunken fashion, I started off the nights ‘dancing’ (and before you ask: yes! I did have my tie round my head). Now, this wasn’t any normal form of dancing, oh no, in fact, it was quite far from it, It was Drunken Dad Dancing. Now, I’m not a parent, but according to my ‘mate’ (and after witnessing the afore mentioned cringe-worthy video) I can admit that I do dance like a proper cock (try and imagine a cross between Michael J Fox, Napoleon Dynamite & Stephen Hawking after a couple of ‘Garys’) After watching the video I noticed quite a few people laughing and gaining pretty honest enjoyment from my ‘moves’ and it got me thinking: are dads ‘in’? If you are Emily & Michael Eavis you certainly are if you look at the proposed/rumoured line up for Glastonbury 2009. Every year at Glasto the organisers have some sort of musical legend gracing the stage. In recent years they have had James Taylor, Shirley Bassie & Tony Bennett to name a few, but they have never been the main headliners, as they have had the rather patronisingly named ‘Legends’ slot. This year the possible/proposed headliners are Bruce Windscreen or Neil Young = both hardly spring chickens respectively. So, is this arthritis-riddled line up all a ploy by the Eavis household to show the masses that there will no longer be the controversial hip hop (or in this instance: Hip ‘op’) genre headlining the famous Glasto stage, but the future will well and truly be guitar-based-well-known-way-past-their-best-singers/bands? Or is it just simply down to marketing and demand? Who knows? Who gives a shit? I don’t as I don’t go to Glasto. So, as I have just turned the illustrious ago of 37 (stop laughing there at the back) and sad to say leaving my festival days behind me, I was thinking about an alternative if people do really want to see just bands with age and jangling bones on there side, it’s called = Glastondaddy. Glastondaddy Features & Facilities: No beer, wine or cider on sale at Glastondaddy as there will just be stuff like Speckled Hen or Bishop’s Finger. There would be a pipe & slippers tent for anyone wanting to have forty winks. A new area for beard trimming could be introduced. Crowd surfing would be way out of bounds, but it could be replaced with Stannah-Surfing. You could also have the HP Sauce stage. The possibilities for all things dad are endless, which finally brings me to the music: The Main Stage (sponsored by Deep Heat) headlining: Bruce Springsteen singing ‘born to walk’ Followed by: Iron Maiden singing ‘stroll to the hills’ Followed by: The Sex Pistols singing ‘Alzheimer’s in the UK’ And: Led Zeppelin singing ‘Stair Lift to Heaven’ And finally: Mick Jagger & David Bowie singing ‘dancing in the walk-in bath’ So, people, are you prepared to pay £90 to spend the weekend at Glastondaddy, drink bitter and share a packet of Werther’s Originals with your best mate? I would. At least you wouldn’t have any friggin’ kids there!!!!!!! Then again, you’d have no footies to burst either! Geeertcha! By the way, if you want to comment on this or have any other musicians/songs for the Glastondaddy line up, post a comment and we’ll get on to Eavis and his daughter. The best idea wins a free year’s subscription to Country Life Magazine. Nice 1 Mol