Glastonbury Headliners and their Lack of Tax

Really sorry to bang on about this, and I know it’s been finished for about a week, but Glastonbury this year has seriously grinded on my fucking balls in a rather special way!!!

As for the headliners, Jesus fucking wept! I don’t think I’ve ever seen such a dreary bunch if miserable bastards in my life! I’d rather watch Ken fucking Barlow scratch his left ear all night while drinking half a bitter ... “Deidre”

Number one: U Fucking 2. As a mate of mine text me the other day: If only god was watching and decided to conjure up a mix of bad luck, rain and a live stage! Bonio’s kex would have blew off and ended up on the Weymouth coast! As for their music, i can only describe it as being nothing short of drab! And you can’t put that down to nerves as U2 have played in every venue under the sun across the globe! Maybe they have finally realised how fucking gash and middle-of-the-road they really are and decided to not give a shit anymore! Here hoping anyway!

Number 2: Warmplay. I don’t know if anyone noticed, but the end of their set was a stroke of pure marketing genius! Fix You was the obvious choice for last song, but, straight afterwards when you expected them to do their completely embarrassing bow, they went straight into a “new song” at which point the hands were no longer waving in the air and everyone was looking at each other with ‘what the fuck’ looks all over their Chevvy Chases saying “is this a new one?”After that, most people decided to fuck off back to their tents for a spliff and a shag no doubt. Very un-Warmplay like if you ask me!

And finally about Warmplay, why is it they feel they have to have Jay Z at the front of the stage for every time they play? Yet more examples of a band caring too much about who they are seen with instead of actually (trying) to entertain!

Number 3: Beyonce. This really did make me laugh. You could almost imagine the clientele for her crowd now: Sunglasses the size of wind farms, eye lashes the size of a golden eagle’s wing, wooden high heels 18ft tall and Wayne Rooney walking behind all seventeen of them (on a lead, of course) while they are screaming “eeeeeeeeeee, gerroutdefuckingwayyefuckinghippyd’youknowwhoiam???” .

As for her music, if there was ever an artist that didn’t belong on the Glastonbury stage, I’m afraid its her. Her set reminded me of Kylie Minougue a few years back: good pop music, but just not the right place to be singing it! It’s also a good that she actually played when the sun went down as there was probably a good chance her arse would have blocked the sun out! Oooh! Ye bitch!

Number 4: Celebrities! Jesus fucking Christ on a unicycle! Why the fuck do these people matter and why do other people think they are so important to modern day society that they must have fifteen camera crews following them with one camera crew actually filming the bands??? It’s really becoming an obsession of mine to the point that I can’t look at one without feeling the urge to gip everywhere!

Finally, Number 5: Michael Eavis. Here is a man who pledged before the festival started that he would “get back in touch with grass roots fans” of Glastonbury and do away with the likes of Kate Moss and all the other flunkies I mentioned in my previous blog. So, what does up-side-head do? That’s right; he creates their own little village! Celebrityville (as it might have been called) was created (under top secret, of course) to cater for the needs of the great and the good and other Z-list bell ends so they didn’t have to mix with the great un-washed and could lord it safe in the knowledge their £2000 bottle of champagne didn’t fall into the wrong hands

This, for me, shows that Eavis is a complete hypocrite!

And while we’re on the subject of hypocrisy, I’d just like to point out another boo boo from Mr Eavis. For years he has stood behind campaign groups who stand up for people’s right such as the likes of Greenpeace and Friends of the Earth. So, why is it when a group like UK Uncut decide to put up a banner protesting against U2’s alleged tax evasion, he sends in the heavies and has it removed! Can’t be upsetting Bonio and his gang of sunglass wearing whoppers now can we Michael

I think it’s really time you did get back to the basics of what a festival should be mate:

Music, people and fun!

Fuck the money, hype and the bleeding celebrities!

Mol

Greedy Pigs Wallowing in the Mud

I watched a superb documentary the other night on BBC18 about the history of British Music Festivals and it has to be said, they have a tainted past and a pretty dark future

From the early days of Glastonbury to today’s version there is an absolute world of difference between the two and once again, yes, you’ve guessed it: they’ve been ruined by money!

Gone are the days when people only cared about the quality of the music compared to today’s uber-rich and over pampered Z List celebrities comparing how much they spent on their brand new Luis Vitton welleys!

Rolling around in the mud twenty or thirty years ago was basically down to the fact that the people doing it were out of their faces on some serious acid and had an outlook for peace and love. Today’s crowd do it to gain personal notoriety with a good chance of gaining a bed in the following year’s Big Brother household!

The music seems like a mere back drop to the money making machine as the organisers are quicker to sort out sponsorship deals quicker than they are to book the bands! But of course, the organisers will never tell you that as they don’t want to lose face with the ‘old guard’ who still see it as a last bastion of hippyism!

As for today’s bands, none of them really grind on my balls that much, but one thing about festival appearances really does: stage invasions!

A good few years ago at one of our gigs in The Picket, Liverpool, there was a sort of stage invasion led by a good mate (you know who you are, Jones) and the truth is it was a fucking right laugh! When you see it done now on the likes of Glastonbury or the V Festival by the likes of Iggy “Sell-Out” Pop and The Kaiser Chiefs, you can’t help but think it’s a load of pre-planned carefully orchestrated bollocks!

Now I know the festival scene of today has obviously changed a lot since the dark days of Altamont and Woodstock with regards to safety and the lack of knife-wielding maniac Hells Angels, but you really can’t help but think they have had their hearts and soul ripped out and replaced with corporate bank-rolled by big companies (who also avoid paying tax, no doubt) who really don’t have anything in common with music apart from the fact that they’re there to promote their product! You scrub my back, I’ll do an encore!

Now I know it’s not all doom and gloom at most festivals as some people do actually love going to them and they do generally have a good time. Good for them! But things do need to change as, the truth is the world of music and, to a certain extent, light entertainment is slowly but surely losing its integrity and respect from the public who buys their records and attend their concerts/festivals as the public ARE being ripped off by the companies who supply them with over-priced food, drink and above all tickets and shows from musicians who are simply in it for the money who gladly produce half-arsed performances in a country that is already blighted by constant shit weather!

Doesn’t sound like a good weekend to me!

No wonder people go on caravanning holidays with their guitars and a crate of Carling!

Mol

Back in the Saddle

Many of you avid readers of Mol’s Sound Words may have noticed my absence from the rather murky world of internet blogging of late! The truth is I’ve been busier than Ryan Giggs at a family party!

As well as having to plan my forthcoming wedding, trying stop my nearest and dearest friends from skinning my arse bald on my stag night and having to endure the possibility of having to work somewhere else than my home town, I’m also back in the saddle of the music world!

Watch out kids, The Outriders are coming to a town near you!

A few months back Mart, Ben, Stuart, Me and Dr Mark Slade MBE made a decision to form a new super group from Huyton’s finest musicians and do a few decent covers and the truth is over the last few months we have a had a fucking ball!

Being together again and practicing in Crash not only breaks up what can a pretty boring normal working week, but gives you a true sense of male camaraderie.

Taking the piss out of each, ripping each other, putting up with the contents of my arse and having a general good laugh is a lot less hassle and ten times more enjoyable than being in an original band and the hassles that come with that (writing songs, choosing what songs to do, etc, etc).

Basically the whole vibe is better and the songs come quicker as everybody knows them! It’s just then down to the case of how good you actually perform them and the truth is that we actually are pretty fucking good

As yet, we haven’t done any gigs, but we’ll soon be ready to play. Just need two or three more songs and we’re all yours. Numerous venues have been mentioned and the possibility of seeing us play before I am wed is a very good one!

So, next time you’re out and you see a bunch of slightly old fellas playing covers in a pub and it doesn’t exactly ‘float your boat’, don’t just dismiss them and think “they’re fucking shit” or “silly arld bastards, go and put ye slippers on and smoke ye pipe”– take into account that they are a bunch of fellas doing what they enjoy = having fun

That is, and should be, the way of all things

Mol

Smart Arses or Tight arses?

This week sees the much anticipated release of the new album by the Kaiser Chiefs called The Future is Medieval! ... Yawn!

But, I may have to hold back the “yawns” here as there’s a bit of a catch to it by our smart arse Indie popsters as it’s quite unique in the way that there has been no advertising or promotion in the run up to the release for the album at all. There’s also another interesting factor to this album

When you go on line (to the Kaiser’s own website, of course) to buy the album, the consumer is given the option to buy (rather bizarrely) ten songs from the choice of twenty for the princely sum of £7.50

Then, once you’ve created your ‘playlist’ the website then gives you the option to create your own album cover. It’s like a mix between Play School and an ipod

Bargain? I don’t think so

Although it does come across as being a bit of a smart arse idea from an ever changing industry, it also wreaks of being yet another gimmick from what sounds like another desperate attempt to boost sales and interest in a band struggling to come to terms with what to do with their money (they bought their own studio in case you were wondering)

But, the implications of the latest round of “my ideas is better than yours” in the ever competitive fields of Indie music could well be taking things to promote your new album just that little bit too far in my opinion

What next?

· Guess the title of the album?

· Guess the title of the song?

· Make up your own song/album title?

· Name the band?

· Name the band members?

But, I’m afraid the Kaisers have had their parades well and truly pissed on as a few weeks prior to the release of The Future is Medieval (which no one was supposed to know about) some naughty internet hacker leaked the album on line for the whole world to listen to and the Kaisers hopes of creating a totally unique way of releasing album were well and truly fucked! Bugger!

So, what happened next: That’s right, they did an interview and started kicking up a massive fuss about how people who leak albums are wrecking the music of music (bullshit) and, of course the real reason they are so pissed off is that they are losing their hard earned money from people obtaining the album for free courtesy of some geeky hacker called Derek who spends all day in his bedroom/loft conversion wanking off over series 6 of Doctor Who and of course finding ways to download albums that haven’t been released yet

On a person note, if I were in a very successful band like the Kaiser Chiefs, if I wanted to release a secret album, I’d certainly go the very extreme measures to make sure the likes of ‘Derek’ didn’t get his grubby little hands on it and invest a lot of my hard earned money to prevent that happening!

So, instead of thinking up such elaborate ways to release an album and thus guaranteeing applause and all-round pats on the back from your smart arse geeky mates, I’d suggest you look more into guaranteeing your future releases are NOT leaked on-line for the whole world to listen to and NOT to buy as frankly it’s not big and it’s not clever!

Either that or I predict a riot!

Mol

Mad For It? Calm Down Lad!!

I don’t know about you, but I’m fucking sick to the back teeth of hearing about all things Manchester lately! (Sorry Neil)

So, being a true Scouser, I’ve decided to sit as (bias) judge and jury on the matter. Maybe its sour grapes about the recent footballing achievements of our ‘friends’down the M62, but when I spout my shit compared to Lord Ferg and his Pet Rat Neville, it ,makes me feel so much better about the city I love and proud of loving

I was watching a documentary the other day about Manchester music and, like most programmes about music on BBC4, it was pretty good

Now, to be brutally honest with you here, after watching the above programme, I really don’t see what all the hoo haa was about the Manchester music scene of the early nineties! Some was good, and some was utter rank!

The more ‘famous’ bands such as The Happy Mondays and The Stone Roses were more (in my opinion) a glorified cabaret band! – don’t worry, I’m not gonna mention Oasis in this Blog (for a change)

I always thought the more creditable Manchester bands were the likes of Massive Attack, Inspiral Carpets, The Charlatans* and The Fall. They had a lot more class in the way they were and the way the crafted their songs!

*I know The Charlatans were from Knutsford or some other ‘outer-wool’ area, but their music certainly fitted the style of Manchester for the time

But, what really got my goat about the programme was one thing – where was the programme about music from Liverpool???????

Liverpool has always had a fine music past obviously famous throughout the world, so why did the BBC decide to celebration about our lovely neighbours? Where’s our programme celebrating Liverpool music?

Liverpool’s two main bands of the nineties were without doubt Space & Cast. Not everyone’s cup of tea, but they did come up with some decent pop tunes for the time with (the exception of Space) some superb guitar licks that still makes the hairs stand on end to this day!

Manchester music, in my opinion, always lived in the past I thought: Candy Flip, The Charlatans and Inspiral Carpets always used to mimic the sixties freak-out era with over the top psychedelic videos with trippy lyrics “can you dig it” being an example of the typical hippy idealism from The Mock Turtles. As for the shaking of their bowl heard haircuts – I think the less said about that the better!

I always felt the lyrics and music approach in general from the likes of Space and Cast had a more gritty edge to it. Take the lyrics of ‘Neighbourhood’ by Space for an example. Highly fictional, of course, but strangely eerie and a little bit ‘odd’ “he’s a local vicar and a serial killer”

The La’s also portrayed a certain degree of ‘rough n ready’ with their lyrics about suburban boredom and the realities of drug use in a poverty-driven society. Pretty grim I’m sure most people would agree. Compare this to the rather glorified and ‘nice’ use of drugs by The Happy Mondays and The Inspiral Carpets and you’ll notice the world of difference.

Liverpool music tended to tell the truth about drugs, Manchester covered it over and over-glorified it! Hardly romantic, but very very true to the sense those drugs actually were bad, not good!

(Compare: Can You Dig It by The Mock Turtles to Failure/Doledrum by The La’s for a point of reference)

Manchester also coined the phrase “the summer of love”. What complete and utter bollocks!

I was a young man in the early nineties/late eighties and I can guarantee there wasn’t much “love” around in the north of England ate the time (especially in Liverpool). Anyone who had the naivety to actually believe should have had a look at the size of their bell bottoms at the time and thought “shit! I really did too many garys”

As for anthems, Manchester’s ‘flag ship’ anthem was without doubt Live Forever by Oasis. But, as Oasis proved some many times during their illustrious career they (and their songs) were not original. As for the song it self being an anthem for the nineties was it really or a glorified sound track to a cocky coke head’s lifestyle? (Mimicked by their lead singer no doubt)

Now, I know this all may sound like a rather partisan opinion towards my home town, which I am extremely proud of by the way, but I think pride in ones city is not a crime. The only crime I feel being committed is by the programme makers who are obviously showing a certain degree of biasness towards Manchester

Finally, Manchester’s greatest achievement in music has to be five young chaps who started life as glorified strippers and ended their careers as glorified camp strippers

I think you know who I’m talking about?

Take that and stick it in your pipe and smoke it, Manchester

Mol

Come Back, Baby Come Back!

So, The Icicle Works have announced a 30^th anniversary concert! What a crock of shit!

Has anyone else failed to notice that for a large chunk of the thirty years, The Icicle Works have NOT been together? Maybe they should have called it the 30^th Anniversary (with a bit if a gap in the middle because we split up as we hated each other quite a lot Tour)

Once again, as most of my readers will know, I hate all this money spinning bullshit about bands re-forming!

A few weeks back I was watching Sky Arts and they had a programme on about Duran Duran. They too were also celebrating their thirty-something years ‘together’.

But, during the inevitable boring arse-kissing interview afterwards they never once mentioned the stories about their fights and inevitable break up! And, as the whole subject of this Blog is about – the large gap they had in the wilderness not writing, playing or touring together was the main topic of the interview! All very nice and all very savvy (to guarantee people go to the gigs and buy the album no doubt?)

All they talked about was “getting back on the road” and taking their “great new songs” to their fans (that will never ever come close to the quality of their mid-eighties hits by the way). What they did talk about was the “good times” they had with their model girlfriends and other celebrity “friends”. How very fake!

So, why is it these bands call these comebacks anniversaries? It’s probably a bit along the lines of the culture we have in this country to simply re-name a thing that has become tedious and unsavoury.

The one band I used to have a lot of respect for was The Sex Pistols until they did their ‘reunion’ a few years back. Asked why they were doing it, John Lydon snarled “well we’re not doing it because we like each other, we don’t, and we actually hate each other! We’re only doing it for one thing - the money!” In a rather bizarre way I kind of I admired Lydon for saying that. He was hardly like Simon Le Bon Bon and his nice, sweet answers about his bezzy mates he shares a band with! Then again, the less said about Lydon and his Country Life Butter commercials ………

Recently, some of you may well know that I’ve re-joined the band with Stu, Mart and Ben. We have also recruited the services of a good mate of mine called Dr Mark Slade (who also does Gynaecology part-time)

Now, during our lengthy career together many years ago, we played well over one hundred gigs and released a good few half decent demos. You could say we had a pretty good acceptable slice of success for a band that was never signed to a record label. So, when we decided to get back together (albeit to sing cover versions as the slightly balding hairlines, grey hair and beer guts aren’t really appealing to many record labels these days) we didn’t call it a reunion or an anniversary! We just did it! Simple as that

So, why can’t these bands like Duran Duran and Icicle Works simply just announce that they’re getting back together instead of calling it a bleeding anniversary or a reunion? While their also at it maybe they could take a leaf out of John Lydon’s book and admit their real reasons for getting back together and tell us its simply for the money as to be brutally honest here: anniversaries are celebrations of certain events like weddings or birthdays.

I don’t think they should apply to bands getting back together

And finally the less said about a certain Dad Band from Manchester who has recently re-employed the services of a fat dancer the better!

Ch-ching!

Mol

The Re-Birth of the Independent Music Shops

Every now and again a little off-the-radar story pops up that makes you do one of the rather embarrassing actions involving a clenched fist with a scrunched up face followed by a “YES” – this is one of them stories

Independent Record Stores have sadly been on the decline over the last decade. This is mainly due to the rise of the rather ridiculously named Music Mega Store. The like of HMV and Virgin have basically monopolised high street music sales since the birth of (what I call) Uber Commerce. The Independent Record Shop hasn’t had a look in and many shops were forced to close … until now

I remember a few years ago many of you avid readers may remember a Blog I did about the smelly record stores of old in Liverpool from the likes of Probe to Hairy Records and my personal favourite The Vynal Frontier.

The good news is now they are back on the rise!

I loved these shops and most of all I loved the casual approach from the ‘staff’ who worked there. But most of all I loved their knowledge of music. You really could ask them anything and without searching the mega computer that many staff at Virgin or HMV had to rely on to see if a certain record was in stock they’d know off the top of their head!

I always thought how amazing it was to have such memory about music as it was clearly obvious they had been smoking copious amounts of weed whilst reading a copy of The Socialist Worker behind the counter for a good eight hours!

The article I was reading also had a superb quote from Spencer Hickman, founder of Rough Trade Records and the person behind UK Independent Record Store Day:

"People are waking up to the fact that all towns across the country are becoming identikit, and the small indie retailers are disappearing. They don't want this anymore and are finally saying 'No, enough is enough'."

Mr Hickman also came out with a quote that, again, made me feel very proud to be a listener or good music:

"People across the board are now fed up with the music coming from television shows

How ‘on the money’ he was with that quote! (After reading this it was when I did the clenched fist!)

I know there is still a hell of a long way to go for Independent Record Store as the industry (if you can call it that) has been badly damaged by the recession and of course the ever changing way people now ‘buy’ their music, but the (very) early signs really are good.

Green shoots are appearing and the possible re-birth of the small record shop is on the rise, but (and it’s a big but) they must also slightly change their ways if they are to remain in competition with ‘the big boys’ and get people back in through the door.

Another thing that also brought a smile to my face was the consumer research carried out by people who actually bought CD’s compared to the buying of random ‘hit’ songs. Again, as I previously Blogged about, this will once again promote the fruits of listening to a whole album instead of the ones that had a hit video to it!

Now I’m not saying the small Indie Music Shops should suddenly have to sell their souls to Lucifer and turn into corporate slags and greet customers with a cheesy smile followed by “how can I help you today?” and finish with “would you like one of our store cards? Ok, you have a nice day now”, but they will certainly have to innovate and re-engage with the public who will obviously be used to dealing with above plastic clones who know more about fake tans and thongs than Led Zep III and Creedence Clearwater Revival.

So, next time your out and about in town and your missus is in Primark buying a multi-pack of budgie smugglers for your uncle knobhead’s birthday, try your best to slope off for half an hour to your local Independent Music Shop, chat to the hippy shop assistant about the best of Sly Stone, have a friendly chat and a laugh …

… And skin up!

Mol