Really sorry to bang on about this, and I know it’s been finished for about a week, but Glastonbury this year has seriously grinded on my fucking balls in a rather special way!!!
As for the headliners, Jesus fucking wept! I don’t think I’ve ever seen such a dreary bunch if miserable bastards in my life! I’d rather watch Ken fucking Barlow scratch his left ear all night while drinking half a bitter ... “Deidre”
Number one: U Fucking 2. As a mate of mine text me the other day: If only god was watching and decided to conjure up a mix of bad luck, rain and a live stage! Bonio’s kex would have blew off and ended up on the Weymouth coast! As for their music, i can only describe it as being nothing short of drab! And you can’t put that down to nerves as U2 have played in every venue under the sun across the globe! Maybe they have finally realised how fucking gash and middle-of-the-road they really are and decided to not give a shit anymore! Here hoping anyway!
Number 2: Warmplay. I don’t know if anyone noticed, but the end of their set was a stroke of pure marketing genius! Fix You was the obvious choice for last song, but, straight afterwards when you expected them to do their completely embarrassing bow, they went straight into a “new song” at which point the hands were no longer waving in the air and everyone was looking at each other with ‘what the fuck’ looks all over their Chevvy Chases saying “is this a new one?”After that, most people decided to fuck off back to their tents for a spliff and a shag no doubt. Very un-Warmplay like if you ask me!
And finally about Warmplay, why is it they feel they have to have Jay Z at the front of the stage for every time they play? Yet more examples of a band caring too much about who they are seen with instead of actually (trying) to entertain!
Number 3: Beyonce. This really did make me laugh. You could almost imagine the clientele for her crowd now: Sunglasses the size of wind farms, eye lashes the size of a golden eagle’s wing, wooden high heels 18ft tall and Wayne Rooney walking behind all seventeen of them (on a lead, of course) while they are screaming “eeeeeeeeeee, gerroutdefuckingwayyefuckinghippyd’youknowwhoiam???” .
As for her music, if there was ever an artist that didn’t belong on the Glastonbury stage, I’m afraid its her. Her set reminded me of Kylie Minougue a few years back: good pop music, but just not the right place to be singing it! It’s also a good that she actually played when the sun went down as there was probably a good chance her arse would have blocked the sun out! Oooh! Ye bitch!
Number 4: Celebrities! Jesus fucking Christ on a unicycle! Why the fuck do these people matter and why do other people think they are so important to modern day society that they must have fifteen camera crews following them with one camera crew actually filming the bands??? It’s really becoming an obsession of mine to the point that I can’t look at one without feeling the urge to gip everywhere!
Finally, Number 5: Michael Eavis. Here is a man who pledged before the festival started that he would “get back in touch with grass roots fans” of Glastonbury and do away with the likes of Kate Moss and all the other flunkies I mentioned in my previous blog. So, what does up-side-head do? That’s right; he creates their own little village! Celebrityville (as it might have been called) was created (under top secret, of course) to cater for the needs of the great and the good and other Z-list bell ends so they didn’t have to mix with the great un-washed and could lord it safe in the knowledge their £2000 bottle of champagne didn’t fall into the wrong hands
This, for me, shows that Eavis is a complete hypocrite!
And while we’re on the subject of hypocrisy, I’d just like to point out another boo boo from Mr Eavis. For years he has stood behind campaign groups who stand up for people’s right such as the likes of Greenpeace and Friends of the Earth. So, why is it when a group like UK Uncut decide to put up a banner protesting against U2’s alleged tax evasion, he sends in the heavies and has it removed! Can’t be upsetting Bonio and his gang of sunglass wearing whoppers now can we Michael
I think it’s really time you did get back to the basics of what a festival should be mate:
Music, people and fun!
Fuck the money, hype and the bleeding celebrities!
Mol
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