Lives in a house, very big house, in the country

Jesus Christ! How the fuck did we get to this pretty ashamed stage were rock stars become so god awfully boring???

I’ve just finished reading (wasting a good twenty minutes of my life) an article interviewing Brain May of Queen. I’ve never really been a big fan of Queen, but I’m always willing to read any article interviewing rock’s ‘aristocracy’ and in typical true form I realised one thing – he is a true boring rock dinosaur!

I also had a read of his Blog that was mentioned in the interview boringly titled Brian’s Soapbox. In it he has a moan (as we all do) not about his dodgy Barnet or Freddie Mercury’s death, but astrology, the weather and fox and badger hunting! Fucking badger hunting! Hahaha, Jesus Christ!

Gone are the days of chasing dwarfs carrying tray loads of cocaine at Queen after show parties and landing at concerts in elaborate helicopters! These days it’s more important for him to study the stars and fret over the lack of rain his much cherished lawn isn’t receiving let alone the amount of fucking badgers there are being killed! Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaawn!

So, what is it that suddenly turns these once lunatics into serious drab bastards? Personally I don’t know the answer as 1. I don’t know any aging rock stars and 2. I’ve never been one, but I suspect it has something to do with age.

Another example of boring rock stars has to be awarded to Chris Martin of Coldplay! This is the guy who epitomises the ‘nice guy’ of music. A true dullard! I may have mentioned this before, but does anyone actually know why this boring man actually puts different coloured tape around his fingers? Are they to remind him what bins to put out in the morning or what vegetable diet his kids are having the next day?

I remember when rock stars used to be feared creatures who wouldn’t think twice about booting a new born kitten down the stairs or throw half of South America up their noses and do the same the next day (if they could find a kitten, or course). Sadly the corporate, squeaky clean pop stars of today have taken over and it’s almost become acceptable to be a nice young chap your mum would be glad you brought home for tea! The kind of tit who spends six weeks in Simon Cowell’s (tax free) chateau learning how to sing (when he’s not tampering with their voice – allegedly)

Now, compare these ‘pussy cats’ to someone like the legendary GG Allin for example. Here was probably the biggest lunatic in music who had many songs such as Suck My Ass It Smells and I Wanna Piss On You. He used to beat his own head so much with his microphone that he used to bleed a hell of a lot. He also used to fight with the fans at his gigs and also take a shit on stage and then pick it up and throw it at them! Hahahaha

Now, I’m not asking the likes of Brian may or Chris Martin to suddenly start throwing their own shit around the O2 Arena all of a sudden, but it would be nice for them to stop being, well, so nice!

Don’t grow up chaps

Mol