Skin Pounders of the World - It's Time to Make A Stand

Just been reading an article about drummers who stand up while they play. Apparently the person who wrote the article thought it was “cool” for drummers to stand up. Er, I think not

The article in question went on to quote such old clichés such as “drummers like to hide behind their cymbals” and they are the “dinosaurs” of the music world. To be honest with you, the person who wrote this article sounded like she was definitely in contention for the title of World Bullshit Bingo Winner 2010. What a load of fucking rubbish!

Drummers to me have always portrayed the image of big bustling, hairy, sweaty men who eat babies for their tea and drink enough booze to fill a well in Western Africa. Drummers such as John Bonham and Keith Moon have always struck fear into the hearts of many a hotel owner from Los Angeles to London. That’s the main reason most people who love music love drummers

But some (and most) drummers I know have been the butt of nearly all jokes I know in music. And you have to admit, some of them are superb. My personal favourite is this:

A drummer is walking around a music shop when the assistant approaches him and says “see anything you like, sir?” the drummer replies “I’ll have a look around and give you a shout in ten minutes”. Ten minutes pass by and the drummer approaches the counter, points to the back of the room and says “I’ll have the trumpet and the accordion please”. The shop assistant replies “sorry sir, but the radiator is screwed to the wall and we need the fire extinguisher in case of emergencies”

Seriously though, you ask any drummer (if they can understand the basic concept of English) if they prefer to stand up whilst playing or if they prefer to sit down and I’ll guarantee the majority will say they prefer to sit. The reason (I think) behind this is down to a couple of points:

1. They might get lost on stage if they are given the chance to wonder and come a cropper with some rather dodgy stranger offering them the chance to see some nice little puppies

2. They live in such a crazy world its safer for the public that they are actually sitting down and not terrorizing them

3. (seriously) They put a hell of a lot of energy into their performance

To ask a drummer to stand up for a good half hour/hour is nothing short of torture and, in my opinion, slightly disrespectful towards the good old faithful, cuddly skin pounders that, let’s be honest here, every home should have.

Just think of the joy your own little drummer boy would bring to your kids faces when they come home from school and they are greeted by their own hairy skin pounder sitting by the fire as you play with their soft underbelly and taking him for a run in the park to fetch a (drum)stick

They really do need a break. So much in fact that I’ve set up a helpline for endangered drummers all over the world who struggle for survival in the face of such oppression and cruelty, those poor souls that need help (finding the venue) and those who simply cannot possibly write music at all

So, if you wish to sponsor a drummer, contact these numbers (0151 281 6831) (08712332244) and donate all you can

They need your help

Mol

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