Album & Song of the Year

What a very odd year

2010 seen The first coalition government since the first world war, rioting in the streets by students who missed out on Jeremy Kyle for the first time in years and of course the year I proposed to my missus (its a wonder what Rohipnol can do these days isn’t it?)

Anyways, I thought I’d give my opinion on what I see as album and single of the year for 2010. Here goes

Album of the year

My choice for album of the year has to go to the debut album by Them Crooked Vultures

TCV brought back to music the ‘Super Group’. Sadly missing from music since, er, Audioslave! Messer’s Grohl, Jones and Homme jumped onto the scene with the ferocity of a sex starved panther with a bottle of rush shoved up his snout. I believe songs such as “Elephants”, "Scumbag Blues" and "No One Loves Me & Neither Do” optimised the true essence of pure hard rock

In all honesty I don’t think the album has that many really stunning songs, but what really does stand out is the reason behind their decision to record this superb album. John Paul Jones is old enough to be Homme & Grohl’s dad, yet he has stamped his style all over this album and ‘took the reigns’ to show these two fine musicians a thing or two about song writing.

Guitar wise, Homme is simply stunning. He has not bothered changing his own style and started where he left off with (my personal favourite band) Queens of the Stone Age.

As for the drummer (Groh) there’s not really much you can say about a fella who has John Bonham’s Led Zep 4 Sign tattooed onto his arm. As they would say in The Lisbon’s Bog - WHAT a skin pounder

Not really heard anything about TCR following up this brilliant album, but I really do hope they do. Well done chaps

Single of the year

Without a shadow of doubt it has to go to a rather stunning new rock band called Foxy Shazam with their debut sing ‘Oh Lord’.

I usually leave the likes of reviewing music to my Balding Bison friend Neil in Manchester, but in this instance, I simply have to speak about them

Remember 2003 when The Darkness first came on the scene and everyone couldn’t make their minds up to decide if they were a joke band or serious? I get the same feeling with Foxy Shazam.

Tight trousers, hard rocking guitar, massive choruses and extremely high-pitched vocals are gladly in abundance on this song. Its one of them songs that gives you a tingle down your spine when you hear it, bit of a cliché, but so, in a likeable kind of way, is this song

In my opinion it has everything (including a brass section at the beginning that explodes into joyous rock splendour)

As for the chorus, I absolutely love the lyrics

“And there is always a wrong to your right/and there is always a war somewhere to fight” – brave lyrics from a band originating from North America. Political message? Maybe, but in the true spirit of rock music - Who fucking gives a shit!

So, there you have it. I know most of you have, but if you’ve not heard any of the above, give them a listen

All the best

Abby Titmus and a Happy New Rear

Mol

Keith’s Dead Flowers

I’ve just been reading a rather hilarious (and bizarre) article about Keith Richard, an orchid, and a library! Hard to believe, I know, but I just had to tell you all about it in a blog

Anyway, the other day Keith Richard was in New York promoting his autobiography (appropriately named ‘life’) and was speaking to students in a library

After his speech he was allowed to sit ‘back stage’ in the owner’s office while waiting for whatever rock stars do after speaking to the congregation of a library and, as most internationally famous rock stars do, lit up a ciggie in there to pass the time and the boredom of what can only sound like a rather dull setting to spend your time in

Now, Keith being Keith, decided to open a window (as he’s certainly may now know the law after several brushes with it in the past), in order to let his smoke out

But, that is where the good Keith finishes and the bad one come to the fray as what did he does with his ciggie stub? That’s right; he stubs it out in the water tray of a rather rare and delicate orchid that was resting on the owner’s desk... And there it lay in rest ... forever

The owner = not happy

Keith’s reaction = the usually gravelly voice followed by the odd “babe” and of course a healthy donation towards the running (and survival) of the library

Pity you couldn’t say the same thing about the plant.

Then again, maybe Keith is still holding a grudge against plant life after he fell out that tree a few years back!

Dead Flowers, anyone?

Let’s hope he doesn’t forget to put roses on its grave

Mol

The Golden God with the Touch of Class

Sorry it’s been a while chaps. I’ve been too busy emptying the contents of my stomach (and arse) at the sight of Take Splatt and Simon Cowell and his X Factor bastards shoved into my face twenty four seven! You just can’t escape it sometime can you?

Ayways, there’s a saying banded about quite a lot lately when it comes to people of a ‘certain age’ – “too old to cut the mustard, but I can still lick the jar”

Maybe it’s down to new antidiscrimination laws to do with ageism, but there’s also a saying that’s a bit better known – “you can’t teach an old dog new tricks”

This is certainly not the case with Robert Plant

Now i know many of you avid readers will know that a few years ago i had a bit of a dig at good old Percy, i would like to take it all back

In case you didn’t know, Planty is enjoying resurgence in his long and glittering career with the rather aptly titled Band of Joy and before that with Alison Krauss and his award winning Raising Sand album

But, there’s one thing that has always been present in Bob’s career that has sadly been missing from many others of his age bracket and of course (without sounding like an arld bastard) today’s youth – class!

I get the feeling these days that fame is, well, cheap! Anyone can be famous. Just look at the talentless twats who grace X Factor and the likes of Big Brother (those two biffs Jedwood and that fucking mong who ‘had’ tourettes syndrome)! People who would sells their Nan’s teeth in exchange for fame and fortune in other words.

This is not the case with people like Planty

Apart from a rather brief excursion during the eighties when he banded about his ‘Big Log’ (oo er missus), I can’t really remember Planty doing anything cringe worthy enough to say “that was fucking shit”. That was his one ‘Tin Machine’ moment)

Even the Led Zeppelin reunion gig at the O2 a few years back was pretty much against his will as he knew ages ago that Zeppelin dies when his best mate Bonham died. But, he never once slagged it off. He got on with it and soldiered on in the name of (true) show business as a favour to Elmert OOOOOO (the fella who signed Zeppelin to Atlantic)

So, good on ye Planty, you’ll always be a true (talented) legend in mine, and many other people’s eyes

Keep up the good work (and the blonde locks)

Mol

Everybody's Got Something to Hide Except Me and My Subo

John Lennon would be turning in his grave!

It was announced this week that Susan Boyle has chalked up number one albums in the UK and across the pond with our dear cousins in the U S and A. it!

A superb achievement I’m sure we all agree

Before we go any further, I’d just like to mention a rather funny quip my brother came out with yesterday: “imagine if Susan Boyle’s first name was Les” ... think about

Anyhow, what really do annoy me about this whole affair are two main deciding factors. 1. Susan Boyle does not write he own songs to be honest, she probably struggles to write her own fucking name). 2. The story and coverage about this whole thing in the press

Ridiculous words and phrases such as “better than The Beatles” and “breaking the record held by The Beatles” are really starting to fucking annoy me!

The Beatles were, and many say still are, probably the most influential band of all time that inspired thousands of artists not just in the sixties, but in the five decades that passed their heyday! They have also influenced a sub culture not just associated with pop music, but with film, literature and fashion.

They have also single-handedly boosted the fortunes and image of a city that was almost flung into the dark ages by a certain iron lady and her gang of millionaire cronies in the Tory party many decades ago

So, compare these achievements to a woman who resembles some rag-arsed Bricky who works on a building site and has done more for facial hair than Brian Blessed!

Here is a woman who swims with the likes of Simon Cowell and the other tax-dodging bean-counters whose real allegiance lies with a certain shit talent show that is plastered across our screens morning, noon and fucking night twenty four fucking seven!!!

To me, to compare anyone, whether that is Susan Boyle or any other talentless twat who doesn’t write their own music, to The Beatles is nothing short of utter blasphemy!!!

It really is a sad country we live in!! The quicker Subo (and her army of adoring fans in the press) fucks off into the arms of the celebrity loving Americans the better!

Mol

There Aint No Place Like The U S and A

Now, everyone knows my levels of distain and anger when it comes to all things American with regards the level of influence they sometimes have over our culture, sport and of course: food!

But I did notice one thing the other day when it comes to their ‘style’ of writing songs and it was this: they really are obsessed with their own country!

Now, I’m sure most of you know our cousins across the pond do possess a rather large chunk of land and that many of them (about 90-odd %) don’t own a passport (that’s usually down to that fact that they don’t know the rest of the world exists), but, this is what I noticed the other day: they love writing songs and naming bands about places in their country.

Self gratifying I’m sure you’d agree?

Here are a few rather eye-watering examples:

Bands:

Boston

LA Guns

New York Dolls

The Miami Sound Machine (that was Gloria Rest-her-fanny’s band by the way)

MC5 (Motor City 5) – named after Detroit

Buffalo Springfield

Chicago

Songs:

Route 66

If you’re going to San Francisco

New York New York

New York City Cops

California Girls

California Dreaming

Pacific Ocean Blue

Born in the USA

Sweet Home Alabama

Hotel California

Now I don’t mean to sound disrespectful to these rather cherished national places on the old U S and A here, but don’t you think they can sometimes be rather too sentimental about these places of heritage? Bruce Springsteen wrote about the USA all his fucking life and he’s still boring the tits off us to this day! Republican sentimentality you might say? Who knows

Now, compare this to the English and our rather plucky stiff upper lips, cups of tea and fish and chips. You don’t really hear of us singing so affectionately about such cities as Norwich, Sunderland or Watford. You don’t hear us constantly banging on about such world famous land marks as Battersea Power Station, The Angel of the North or Page Moss Chippy in the same way our friends across the Atlantic do now do you?

Now, you make think I’m being silly here (and yes, I am), but I’m pretty much at a loss as to why people would want to have such a partisan opinion about their own country that they suddenly feel the need to burst into song or name a band after it as, in my humble opinion, music should be about something that’s stirs your emotion and inspires you and your personal feelings

Maybe a bridge, a monument or indeed a city does do that for most Americans.

Sadly it doesn’t for me

I’ll stick to writing songs about paranoia, lost love and death if you don’t mind

As for Page Moss Chippy: they do make great onion gravy

Hardly worth a song though

Mol

More Than Just a One Trick Pony?

I was reading through the papers the other day whilst sat in the pub (on my own – sad bastard) whilst the missus was shopping (for a change) and started reading the tour dates adverts at the back. You know the ones advertising Joe Longthorne and Daniel O’Donnell in some sleepy town’s Plaza Suite or something shit like Southport.

Anyway, on the same page was an advert for Roger Waters doing yet another stage rendition of ‘The Wall’ in various European Cities. And it got me thinking – why is this man and many other artists still subjecting the public to this repetitive crap?

In this rather sad, repetitive case of Roger Waters, it’s quite hard to believe someone who has such an array of musical talent and released a wide selection of albums that are firmly edged into Original British Music History should rely so heavily on resurrecting one of Pink Floyd’s ‘less’ famous and, dare I say, mediocre albums (The Wall) and turning into some over-the-top rock musical extravaganza time after time. I get the feeling his creative talents have simply drifted away or dried up and he’s hanging onto some sort of fame by the tips of his fingers

Now, don’t get me wrong here, bands like The Stones and The Eagles have been ‘hanging on’ for many years now and, of course, they have resurrected famous albums by re-mastering them, but, and it’s a big but, they have released the odd original album in between these ‘re-mastered’ examples. For a bunch of chaps with a combined age of one hundred thousand, that’s no mean feat

Another example of the ‘one trick pony’ came courtesy of a chance meeting I had a few months back with Lee Mavers from The La’s. Well, I say chance meeting, he actually blanked me! Cheeky C*nt! I had to mention this by the way as a few of my so called mates buzzed off after i told them

Mavers though, for all his talent, is still living off one good album and one famous song that is still used to advertise sofa companies and holidays firms to this day! Doesn’t give him the right to blank me though! Blert!

But the really annoying part of all this is that these ‘one trick ponies’ demand respect from their peers because of their previous (track) records.

In my opinion it’s high time they did something that would guarantee respect – it’s called writing something new!

As for blanking me, that’s pretty understandable

I’d do the same if i were in their shoes

Mol

More Songs for Tom and George

So, Tom and George are packing up their cowboy boots and riding off back to Texas with a (quite appropriate) loss of £80 Million each saddled to their trusty steeds.

So, in true time honoured tradition of Mol’s Sound Words, its time for another bout of appropriate songs for our two favourite Texans

Here’s what my dear readers have come up with this time.

Walk Away – Cast

Bye Bye Bad Man – The Stone Roses

Cash in My Pocket – Daniel Merryweather

Last Goodbye – Jeff Buckley

I Fought the Law and the Law Won – The Clash

Hit the Road Jack – Buster Poindexter

Give me Just a Little More Time – Chairman of the Board

Walls come tumbling down – The Style council

Miss You – The Rolling Stones

Leaving on a jet plane – John Denver

Goodbye cruel world – Pink Floyd

The end – The Doors

Leash – Pearl Jam (lyrics: “drop the leash, drop the leash, get outta my fucking face”)

Go west – Pet Shop Boys

Fight the power – Public Enemy

Celebration Day – Led Zeppelin

I’m so bored with the USA – The Clash

So, Messer’s Hicks and Gillett, if indeed there is the slightest chance (in hell) you are reading this, I’d just like to leave you with one though – remember the end of the film Trading Places when Randolph and Mortimer end up on the streets? ................

And finally, Tom and George, if you do find yourself in great financial hardship with your new £80m debt, remember these few words to keep the bailiffs from your door: You’ll Never Walk Alone

Shut the door on your way out

Mol

Weezer Geezer in Cash Squeezer

Just been reading the most baffling article about Weezer and a very bizarre request from a chap who, you could say, doesn’t really like them too much

The very strange offer comes from a chap called James Burns who has set up a campaign with other ‘organisers’ who have a goal of raising $10 Million to offer Weezer to stop making albums and do the ‘decent thing’ and call it a day – so far they have raised $273.00 (just another nine and three quarter million to go then)

Mt Burns went onto to say his reasons behind this rather ludicrous offer were that Weezer have failed to ‘deliver the goods’ since there successful 1996 album ‘Pinkerton’ and have, since then, churned out a crock of shit

Personally I think this is pretty un-fair as Weezer have, in my opinion, released some rather decent albums and a few blinding singles

But, I must admit I do tire from the rather ridiculously named Rivers Cuomo’s (he’s the specky singer who looks like Morrissey on slimming pills by the way) comments that their latest album would be their “last” when it’s plain to see it quite simply isn’t!

So, without further ado, I’m starting up a campaign

Anyone who wants to contribute to the “Take That, Razorlight and Simon Cowell Retirement Campaign” is more than welcome

How much d’ye reckon we’ll raise?

Mol

I’m In a Rock N Roll Band

Must admit, I have to say that I’ve really enjoyed the ‘I’m In a Rock N Roll Band’ series produced by the BBC. Caught it on the iplayer this week as well as it being repeated on BBC19, but can’t really say it’s been as impressive as the Seven Ages of Rock series. But at least the BBC have taken up the mantle of making programmes of musical interest compared to ITV’s rather shit efforts such as X Factor and Britain’s (Not) Got Talent. Hats off to the Beeb on that one

But, with regards I’m In a Rock N Band, I do (as always) have a few issues with certain elements of the show

Firstly the show that centred on Lead Guitarists was slightly flawed. My reasons are these: the main people who were interviewed on the show were Lead Guitarists. Granted the show was about them (they’d probably enjoyed the attention and the limelight so much) and they were pretty much entitled to their opinions. But, Lead Guitarists would be nothing without their esteemed colleagues on the other side of the stage that are more commonly known as Rhythm Guitarists.

Being an ex-Rhythm King myself I know all Lead guitarists will agree with me here if they have ever played in a band with two guitarists that they are ‘helped out’ greatly by their under-appreciated fellow axe wielding ‘water carriers’.

While I’m on the subject of Lead Guitarists and ‘I’m in a Rock and Roll Band’, I’d also like to add to the fact that (in case it wasn’t already common knowledge) Jeff Beck comes across as one of the biggest bell ends I have ever had the pleasure of witnessing. His ego really does seem endless after listening to his comments about Rod Stewart

Finally, as I was guilty of ripping drummers a few months back in my Blog, I would like to share with you a similar jape in the direction of our temperamental cursed diamonds of the Lead guitarist world:

A band goes out one night for a good old band piss up. As the night goes on the drummer, singer, bass player and rhythm guitarist all return home and have an early night. About 4 in the morning they are all woken up by the lead guitarist. As they open the window they ask him for an explanation. He replies with “sorry, I came in with the wrong key”

To be honest, I’m I a Rock N Roll Band, although not the best the BBC has produced hasn’t been a bad series in general. It’s contained some interesting guests, but, to be a bit over critical her, most of the stories they have told aren’t really ‘news’.

Take the stories about Keith Moon driving his car into a swimming pool – old news and not really relevant to what drummers are (and should be) famed for. Other examples being Toy Iomi losing his finger in an industrial accident when he was young and Ozzy Osborne shooting a gang of chickens when he was off his head! (Pity it wasn’t his wife really)

All of these stories are firmly edged into rock folk law, but they are also old hat and, it has to be said, somewhat annoyingly repetitive. It reminds me of the Brummie Roadie from Wayne’s World telling his predictable yarn about separating different coloured M&M’s for Ozzy as he was refusing to take to the stage

Another thing that TV documentaries do that get on my nerves is the constant sunshine blowing up rock star’s arses they tend to do. The amount of waxing lyrical some of the interviewers do can sometimes border on embarrassment. The way I see it, if they want someone to conduct an interview that is credible and not cringe able, they should find someone neutral and knowledgeable. Zane Lowe would be an ideal candidate in my opinion as he has vast music knowledge and I think he is also one of the few journalists who most musicians have a lot of respect for

So, where do TV companies go from now when it comes to producing Music Documentaries? Obviously it is going to have to be something original as the over-exposure some of them show these days (especially towards the eighties) is becoming rather tedious and extremely boring

My idea would be more genuine fan’s input instead of the constant and rather tedious views of Paul Morley and Bob Mills banging on about how great The Clash were would be a perfect start!

Yawn

Mol

Lives in a house, very big house, in the country

Jesus Christ! How the fuck did we get to this pretty ashamed stage were rock stars become so god awfully boring???

I’ve just finished reading (wasting a good twenty minutes of my life) an article interviewing Brain May of Queen. I’ve never really been a big fan of Queen, but I’m always willing to read any article interviewing rock’s ‘aristocracy’ and in typical true form I realised one thing – he is a true boring rock dinosaur!

I also had a read of his Blog that was mentioned in the interview boringly titled Brian’s Soapbox. In it he has a moan (as we all do) not about his dodgy Barnet or Freddie Mercury’s death, but astrology, the weather and fox and badger hunting! Fucking badger hunting! Hahaha, Jesus Christ!

Gone are the days of chasing dwarfs carrying tray loads of cocaine at Queen after show parties and landing at concerts in elaborate helicopters! These days it’s more important for him to study the stars and fret over the lack of rain his much cherished lawn isn’t receiving let alone the amount of fucking badgers there are being killed! Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaawn!

So, what is it that suddenly turns these once lunatics into serious drab bastards? Personally I don’t know the answer as 1. I don’t know any aging rock stars and 2. I’ve never been one, but I suspect it has something to do with age.

Another example of boring rock stars has to be awarded to Chris Martin of Coldplay! This is the guy who epitomises the ‘nice guy’ of music. A true dullard! I may have mentioned this before, but does anyone actually know why this boring man actually puts different coloured tape around his fingers? Are they to remind him what bins to put out in the morning or what vegetable diet his kids are having the next day?

I remember when rock stars used to be feared creatures who wouldn’t think twice about booting a new born kitten down the stairs or throw half of South America up their noses and do the same the next day (if they could find a kitten, or course). Sadly the corporate, squeaky clean pop stars of today have taken over and it’s almost become acceptable to be a nice young chap your mum would be glad you brought home for tea! The kind of tit who spends six weeks in Simon Cowell’s (tax free) chateau learning how to sing (when he’s not tampering with their voice – allegedly)

Now, compare these ‘pussy cats’ to someone like the legendary GG Allin for example. Here was probably the biggest lunatic in music who had many songs such as Suck My Ass It Smells and I Wanna Piss On You. He used to beat his own head so much with his microphone that he used to bleed a hell of a lot. He also used to fight with the fans at his gigs and also take a shit on stage and then pick it up and throw it at them! Hahahaha

Now, I’m not asking the likes of Brian may or Chris Martin to suddenly start throwing their own shit around the O2 Arena all of a sudden, but it would be nice for them to stop being, well, so nice!

Don’t grow up chaps

Mol

Filter Distortion - A Shameless Plug

A few years back a group of rather splendid chaps I know formed a band and called themselves Deconstructors

After becoming involved with them (not in a ‘physical’ way might I add) for a good time they morphed into one of Liverpool’s finest un-signed and formidable bands.

After a change in personnel they have now changed their name to Filter Distortion.

Now I know this is a shameless plug, but it has to be said here: I don’t give a fuck as they are of course, good friends and a truly stunning band and (a lot better than some of the 80’s rip offs doing the rounds today)

So, give Filter Distortion a listen and do your ears a favour

Nice one

Mol

The Death of Rock Music ... Doubt It Mate

It’s amazing the amount of utter fucking shit some people spout these days isn’t it?

I’ve just been reading a rather disturbing article about Rock Music ... or the lack of Rock Music in the charts. Personally, I really don’t see what all the fuss is about!

Historically Rock Music has never really been ‘chart fodder’ as it has always firmly had its roots embedded into working class culture as most rock bands tend to shun the ‘glamour’ and ‘shit’ that comes with the singles charts and pop music culture in general.

This was mainly evident in the likes of Led Zeppelin. During the decade they ruled the planet they never once released a single in the UK – a rarity for its time and something that certainly changed the way rock acts ‘carried out they’re businesses. If there was ever a more striking example that Rock Music doesn’t need the singles chart – that was it!

Rock Music always has been and will continue to be very close to my heart. It’s a bit like that distant relative that no one else in your family likes apart from yourself. I’m not saying it wears annoyingly tanned slip on shoes and wears dodgy aftershave, but it can sometimes be cheesy and also cheer you up and make your day. In other words – it doesn’t take itself too seriously

But, as is many of the world’s problems, I personally I believe ‘the death’ of rock music (as the intrepid reporter liked to call it) is down to our dear cousins across the pond and what they did to it. Take the likes of Motley Crue, Kiss, Poison and Alice Cooper as examples. They dressed it up in lipstick, eye liner, foundation and other forms of glamorous shit that many people across the Atlantic seen as nothing more than a joke! I know I did! If they hadn’t had got their hands on it maybe it would have been a different story. If you don’t believe me – take a look at that utterly ridiculous Steel Panther. I’ll guarantee you’ll squirm in your boots!

But, with regards the future of Rock Music, there is one basic point here that the many people queuing up to condemn it to the rubbish pile of music history have missed – the people who listen to rock music really don’t give a flying fuck if they’re favourite album has sold the same amount of albums as Alexander Burke, Take That, Fucking Jed wood or any other manufactured teeny boppers! They actually see that as a form of disrespect towards the music they love dearly.

People who listen to pop music can go and fuck themselves with their glamour and money for all I care as rock music is made by the people for the people

That, quite simply, is the way of things

Long live rock, be it in the charts or out!

Mol

Groping The Limelight?

I’ve just finished reading a rather ridiculous article about the lack of women ‘in Indie’ and the constant groping that goes on at some of the concerts.

The woman writing the article went on to say that it was only women who get ‘groped’ when they crowd surf. I really don’t see this woman’s beef here as if you throw into the mix = loud music, dark lighting, lots of beer and a shit load of pissed blokes (and women) they’re hardly going to throw their jacket on the floor to save the girl being carried aloft from being molested in any kind of way now are they?

The way I see it, attending gigs is an opportunity to break the daily monotony of work and shit weather so people tend to throw their inhibitions aside at events like gigs. So if a young woman (probably dressed in rather revealing clothing) is stupid enough to do a spot of crowd surfing in what is historically a male-dominated environment it serves her right if some burly, drunken chap decides to stick his middle finger up her hoop while his mates watch on in fits of laughter

As for the female axe grinding that continued, the person writing went onto ‘moan’ about the lack of women in Indie bands. A controversial point, maybe, but maybe this want to be feminist hadn’t heard of The White Stripes, The Ting Tings, The Pixies, the Breeders, Arcade Fire, Lush, Elastica and The Kills. There’s a pretty strong contingent of females in that rather impressive list of Indie bands wouldn’t you say Mrs?

So, I know I’m being a little bit daft here, but women like this really do get on my Moobs with their constant rabble sometimes. So while we’re on the subject of mouthy bra-burning feminists, I’d like to point out the lack of men in bands like Girls Aloud, the Saturdays, The Pussy Cats Dolls and Take That!

Seems only fair that I grind my axe (wound) wouldn’t you agree?

As for being groped at any of their concerts – I may as well spend the night in The Lisbon! I’d definitely get me arse grabbed there with a reach-a-round thrown in for good measure

Mol