The Ministry Of Music

I’ve seen and heard some ridiculous things in my time, but some of them just quite simply take the absolute fucking piss! I was getting ready for work the other morning and while I was standing there having a Chas ‘n’ Dave and washing my shells listening to the radio, some absolute Englebert was on talking about setting up a sort of Government regulated ‘Ministry of Music’. You can imagine the fella can’t ye? A sort of Michael Palin Monty Python character called Nigel or Roger who wears jam jar glasses, sock suspenders, a tank top and a tie! And you can also imagine my utter amazement and laughter as the prick began to talk about his proposed idea! Anyway, the fella who was talking (I’m really sorry but I don’t remember his name as I was concentrating on shaving my neck at the time) said his concept was to get everyone to pay a monthly direct debit of say £20 or £25 and in return receive all your music needs for that price. Now I know some of you might say this is quite a good idea, but if you think about it, most disasters in history are usually caused by government involvement and down right interfering and unnecessary meddling in things they should never have gotten involved in in the first place. So disaster looms no doubt Now, don’t get me wrong here, I think music is very important to everyone (I wouldn’t be writing this Blog if I didn’t think so), but the fact of the matter is this: not everyone enjoys or even listens to music, so why treat them like they’re not paying their gas, electric or council tax bills? It is simply idiotic! Another downside of this hair brain idea is that musicians, producers, managers and roadies will all, in affect, become Civil Servants. Here’s a few examples for ye: Can you see the likes of Lady Gaa Gaa going to work each day with a brief case worrying about her flexi time being minus twelve hours? Can you see Take That having their yearly appraisals and complaining that they only got a ‘Majority marking’? (personally I’d recommend them for demotion or even the sack if I had my way) and best of all can you see Jay Z moaning about the lighting on the floor he works on just because Glas Vegas (who work opposite him) want the blinds shut all day so they can sit in the usual complete morbid state of darkness they are used to? I know I’m going a bit over the top here (no change there then eh?), but the possibilities for ridiculous situations here are truly endless. A few months back I posted a Blog about Arctic Monkeys and the release of their new album. Imagine, if you would, their new album turned out to be shit, no one bought it and the critics slated it! One day, they receive a phone call from Gordon Brown or some other high ranking civil servant saying something along the lines of “lads, this just simply isn’t good enough, so we’ve decided to send you to Afghanistan to go on the front line” or “we’ve reviewed your current working pattern and decided that the way forward is a Power Point presentation of your poor performance be shown to the rest of your team as an example of your bad work management, but we’ll have a tea break at half ten” (In other words = your P45’s in the post lads) So people, beware government interference in what pleasures your ears as we all know too well how they can fuck up other things of great national importance. Also beware of anyone called Nigel who becomes involved in the music industry as it spells nothing but a fiasco and will end in tears Just look at Spinal Tap! Mol