Talk Of Jacko's Death ... Ch - Ching!

Poor old Jacko eh! It’s gonna be one of them moments like “where were you when Kennedy was shot” or “where were you when Diana was killed”. Personally I was at home with my missus pissing myself at the two million text messages I was receiving (you’ve probably seen them all now anyway) but how ironic that the proposed tour he planned (and ripped people off with) was called ‘The Farewell Tour’. Scary! But, and I’m being brutally honest here with my hand seriously on my heart, he was a true talent in music with some absolutely timeless tracks and two of the most stunning albums we will ever hear in our lives (Off The Wall & Thriller) When I was a kid I was brought up on what ever music my two (much) older sisters were listening to at the time (Marvyn Gaye, Michael Jackson, Dionne Warwick, Stevie Wonder, etc, etc) so you tend to remember the songs such as the brilliant ‘Don’t Stop Till You Get Enough’, ‘Thriller’ & ‘Billie Jean’ so much more than the rest. They were the Michael Jackson’s songs that particularly stuck in my head. Mainly the songs from Off The Wall being the true classics that I loved, but you do have to say that he never really made a bad song (pardon the pun) On the night of Jacko’s death, before I went to bed I watched the news channels to get some reaction to his death and during the space of twenty minutes Uri Gellar had managed to speak to Sky News, BBC News 24 & Radio Five Live. All interviews contained exactly the same comments from the spoon bending extraordinaire ranging from “I can’t imagine a world without Michael Jackson” or “Michael Was an amazing, inspirational, loving, gentle figure”. What utter fucking crap! Trevor Nelson also waded in with his fare share with a rather fitting tribute for what Jacko had done for Black music. He then mentioned white music and apologised!! WTF? Why on earth anyone would want to apologise for mentioning white music is way beyond me! But my main point is this: has anyone else noticed that when these famous people are alive some people who swim in the media circles do nothing but slag them off and call them all the twats under the sun? In Jacko’s case you only have to look at all the shit he had with the child abuse cases and allegations (personally I didn’t buy any of it as I thought he was just a big kid who prefered the company of kids instead of adults to be honest) but, as soon as anyone who has the fame of Jacko snuffs it they are instantly turned into saints and totally exonerated of all ‘crimes’ in their past by these two-faced ‘celebrities’!!! So prepare the world for bad news. And no, it’s not that Michael Jackson, one of the worlds most amazing performers, has died, it’s that the world (and the news networks) will now be flooded with tonnes of ‘celebrities’ waxing lyrical about Jacko and well and truly putting themselves (and their egos) back into the media spot light to help their failing careers. Katie & Peter reunion for Jacko’s funeral in Hello magazine special?

Your bet your bollocks it is!!

PS - Jacko - RIP

Mol

Looking Across The Pond ... In Great Despair!

Apologises for the lack of Blog action last week kids, I hurt my hand after playing my first game of footy for nearly ten years!! Back in the saddle though, and yes, watching me play the beautiful game is still like watching Brazil! Sadly though it seems I’m destined to leave the legend that is the ‘Franco Beresi of Huyton’ on the sidelines for a few more weeks due to a rather freak accident kicking a stone outside my house showing off in front of my bird! Idiot! Not too sure of the result, but I’ve been reliably informed by Chris Hoy (Wrighty) that I have torn a muscle in my thigh! Nice. Anyway, a few months ago I remember I looked out the window in work towards the mighty aircraft hanger that is Asda. (or ‘The Asda’ if your reading, Boydy) Hahaha. Anyway, there was a massive queue of young kids going around the block waiting to see some jaaag washed up Alkey American Wrestler who was doing a book signing (good job it wasn’t during the G20 demonstrations as no doubt these kids would have been the youngest victims of tear gassing and heavy use of truncheons in history) Anyway, I can’t remember the wrestler’s name, but I don’t think he had his speedos on as he would have probably been arrested by the Nonce Police and thrown into prison with half of Joey Barton’s family by now, (sounds fun) but it did get me thinking about the appeal these American ‘celebrities’ have on young English kids today and how much influence they hold over them. As for their musicians … Have you ever felt nothing but pure, unadulterated RRRRRAAAAAGE when hearing a certain song? I have, fairly recently actually, and the latest instalment to batter my ears and terrify my mind comes courtesy of a new band all the way from across the pond called All American Rejects. I don’t know if you have heard their latest song, but if you haven’t, please, I beg you do NOT listen to it as it IS worse than ‘Rock Star’ by that gang of twats Stickleback. If you have heard it though, you’ll understand my new found level of exasperation. Anyway, I don’t know about you, but whenever I hear anything by the likes of Sum 41, Blink 182, Fall Out Boy, Wheatus, Stickleback, Greenday, Limp Biskit, Puddle of Mud and the unbearably god awful All American Fucking Rejects I can’t help but squirm and pull that face like you’ve just snapped your banjo string! The set ups: The guitar tracks on all of the songs are double (if not triple) tracked, the vocals all sounds so synthetic, whiney and polished you’d think it was Michael J Fox singing while sat on a washer dryer and the rest of the music sounds like its been taken from a previous generic track from all of the afore mentioned bands put together! It is nothing more than slack, manufactured and utterly soulless American pap!! As for the lyrics (if you can call them lyrics) they all consist of the usual bullshit you’d expect from an American teenager hell bent on destruction, hatred and school-ridden anarchy. Here’s a few examples of what you’ll hear… Ø Disgruntled youths who hate their parents and want to shoot them Ø Disgruntled youths who hate their teachers and want to shoot them Ø Disgruntled youths who hate the school’s super-fit cheerleader or superstar quarterback and want to shoot them both Ø Disgruntled youths who hate their jobs working in fast food outlets and want to shoot every one of their customers Another thing that I’ve noticed about these ‘social rejects’ of the American rock scene is the silly three quarter length trousers, baseball caps & black t-shirts with a skull logo on the front. The young lads look like total whoppers wearing this stuff, but slightly elder chaps such as the likes of Fred Durst & Chad ‘I-sound-like-I’m-strangling-a-rather-uncomfortable-prickly-turd’ Kroegar donning such attire replaces my afore mentioned rage (Ala: Jules from Pulp Fiction) with out and out fits and barrels of laughter! Another thing that grinds on my genitalia about this nation of war mongers, unregulated bankers and shit bands are the reasons why they are so popular in Britain. I just don’t get it. What can anyone with the slightest degree of musical decency and integrity see in these bands with their whiney vocals and silly clothing? We live in a nation that has always been steeped in rich musical tradition and heritage and famous throughout the whole world so why have we allowed ourselves to get into this situation that means our airwaves, ipods and other musical outlets are clogged up with this fucking cheap American shit? Has our nation truly become so dumb we find ourselves listening to and accepting this shit? Its bad enough we have the likes of Gladiators and High School Musical (last time I check I do believe we still had comprehensive schools in this country anyway) splashed all over our fucking televisions! Personally I’m sick to fucking death of it so much that’s I’m seriously beginning to resent the odd decent American band who we get to hear in this country! Musical xenophobia, I hear you say? You bet your bollocks to a barn door it is! So, if you’re like me you sometimes see your arse because of shit American college rock bands hell bent on infecting this country’s music scene with their cheerleader-shagging-I’m-the-best-quarterback-in-school-and-i-pick-on-nerdy-kids-for-the-hell-of-it songs, start taking a stand against this shit and make your feelings known on the following websites: http://www.lifeistooshortforutterdogwankamericancollegekidrockbands.com/ Or http://www.fuckoffbacktoyouramericancollegeandtakesomegunswithyouandshootanypossiblebandsofthefuturewhileyouratit.com/ I guarantee you’ll feel a hell of a lot better afterwards And finally remember this: life’s too short for shit music and you shouldn’t have to put up with it or have your ears subjected to it either! You got that? … BUDDY?? Mol

Boys, Boys, Boys, Lookin' For A Rough Time

So, everyone, it’s that time of year again when young lads skank about the country with their hands in their pockets (a bit like Dutchy actually) and have their shoulders arched like some sort of hybrid between an extra from Shaun of the Dead & Liam Gallagher. Copies of Loaded & GQ magazine are selling like hot cakes, subscriptions to the Television X and Babestation channels are up ten fold, the moon is out and everyone can smell blood, it can only mean one thing … yup … Lock up ye whiskey, your Warriors DVD and batten down the hatches chaps … Kasabian have a new album out!! This week sees the release from the Brummy lad’s new, rather splendidly titled album: ‘West Ryder Pauper Lunatic Asylum’ which will probably be followed by a tour (supporting Oasis no doubt) as well. As regards Kasabian, I must admit, they’re one of them bands I’ve never really loved or loathed if you know what I mean? I can take them or leave them, but I must admit there is a certain roguish element to the two main members that I do kind of like. Tom Meighan (the singer) is not too scared of what he says and is always ready to come out with some balderdash comment that he jumps into feet first with his eyes well and truly shut tight as he holds court standing on the table down his local boozer holding two pints of Scrumpy aloft. ** adopts rather crude Brummy accent ** “yaw can fook rooyte orrrfff moiyte” (I know, that was utter shite and I can only apologise to anyone reading this who is situated in The Midlands area) On the other hand there’s Serge Pepperoni. He’s a much more tamer, milder mannered well educated (it seems) man who looks more at home sitting off in the corner of a pub talking ‘the arts’ in a one-on-one setting. The other theree I wouldn’t know if I fell over them. As for their songs they’ve came out with a few whoppers in the shape of Club Foot & Reason is Treason, but they’ve also came out with a few turkeys with the likes of Shoot the Runner & the latest song Fire. But, even though many members of the press see them as mere Oiks from the common Black Country, the main thing these lads have when they get together is the influence they hold over their army of fans and many other young lads who have no allegiance towards them yet. That’s why the kids love them as they see them as fellow commoners. If you think about it though, you really can see why many lads do like the likes of Kasabian and fellow Black Country Indie Rockers: The Enemy as there is a certain grass-roots feel to them or bands of the people as they like to call themselves. These are the type of lads who wouldn’t think twice about having a punch up to defend their mate’s honour over the slightest drunken altercation and then go round to their ma’s the next day for tea trying their best to explain the rather stunning black eye they are sporting wasn’t a total waste of time and effort. They are a celebration of all things ‘laddish’ and the perfect sound track to a good old fashioned lad’s night out starting off in the local and ending in the doorway of Sayers covered in spew at five in the morning!! (Wrighty’s Karaoke though, maybe that can be swerved along the way eh to save any embarrassment all around?). Don’t get me wrong here though, I don’t think the way Kasabian act is not entirely all their own doing as they have basically been hanging around with (and learning from) the best in the trade who practically wrote the book on how to be a ‘lad’ = Oasis. Liam Gallagher (Love him or hate him) is quite possibly the epitome of what every moody young men in Britain (and elsewhere) strive to be. Personally I reckon he models himself on Harry Enfield’s character Kevin the Teenager to be honest though. As for Noel, he’s the more refined clever, more approachable and I supposed you could say intelligent member of their band who wouldn’t seem out of place ‘talking the arts’. Ring any bells, Serge? Mol

Boyled Alive, Chewed Up & Spat Out!!!

So Susan Boyle has joined the ranks of Amy Winehouse, Pete Doherty and Joaquin Phoenix as her long, drawn out merry-go-round finally comes to an abrupt end ... and gone right off her rocker! Let’s hope they have enough razors in the priory (to shave her eyebrows by the way, not to slash her wrists) Seriously though, and I’m being honest here, without trying to sound like a heartless twat, I have very little sympathy for her as, if you remember here, it was she who applied to go on this show and she should be prepared to deal with (and expect) the consequences what ever they may be. There’s no doubting these programmes (X-Factor & Britain’s Got Talent) are the epitome of trash TV, but I disagree with the whole concept of talent shows like these in general as they only tend to lean towards (you could say exploit) people who they know are the underdogs or social outcasts as they know these scenarios will guarantee the pulling of the nation’s heart strings and boost their ratings off the scale. Britain’s got talent? Pah! Don’t make me fucking laugh! They should change the programme title to ‘Britain’s got Unscrupulous Manipulative Greedy Bastards Willing to Sell Their Souls at Any Price’. Or ‘Britain’s Got No Talent What so Ever, But We’ll Stay in Saturday Night to Watch it Anyway As There’s Fuck All on The Telly’ When I see examples of all the above people I can’t help but think are these people really cut out for success, fame & money? It seems, in particular Susan Boyle’s and Paul Potts’ (who does look like Javier Mascherano's brother by the way) cases as they are obviously a few hairs short of a full pubic set, they are sadly not! And I really don’t think the many thousands of people who queue around the block for days on end to get into X-Factor or BGT are truly prepared for what is about to greet them if they do make the ‘big time’. A visit from Max Clifford or Simon fucking Cowell is not going to help you in the slightest either so I wouldn’t bank on those vampires to take care of you unless you have some sort of sob story or learning difficulties to back it up with (Jade Goody, Peter Andre, Paul Potts, Susan Boyle, Shilpa Shethi, etc, etc), in fact, I wouldn’t trust them to take care of a three day old shit! I was reading an interview the other day about musicians who left their bands at the height of their fame and it got me thinking about the recent events on BGT in the run up to Susan Boyle’s ‘breakdown’. The interview featured Paul ‘Bonehead’ Arthurs from Oasis and Russell Senior from Pulp. They all came out with many good points about their reasons to leave behind a life of riches and fame stemming from pressure and jealousy to drink and drugs and I must admit (having done it myself) it does take a lot of guts to leave a band and is not a decision taken quickly or lightly. You really have to think long and hard about it. When I left the band I was in I must admit I was pretty gutted, but I did have reasons and I will never ever regret doing it. Now, I’m not saying I was a world famous superstar, but I and my band mates did have plenty of time on the ‘circuit’ and we did become wise to the workings of certain music venues and unscrupulous ‘people’ involved in it and gained a level of ‘street-smartness’ that many of these people queuing up to sell their souls to Simon Cowell sadly do not possess A few months back in the Observer Music Monthly, Paul Morley described Simon Cowell as the devil or the Anti-Christ (can’t really remember which) of music. He’s got a good point. Did anyone body watch the young girl on BGT last week when she fucked up her routine and she basically shit herself, but wanted to do it again and they wouldn’t let her? How fucking cruel can you get? Poor kid I thought was my initial reaction, but then again I thought what about her parents? Where were they when this child was being brought into line by this monster Cowell? Did they not think about protecting her from the evils of fame that obviously upset her so much that she broke down in tears the way she did? And why the fuck could they not at least wait until she is a bit more grown up before they shove her out to the spotlight of the nation and thrust instant fame upon her very young shoulders while she should be at home doing her homework instead of pinning all your hopes on the very small amount of talent you (think) your daughter has? You know what that young girl’s scenario reminded me of?, pushy parents who convince their kids they’re the best in the world at singing, dancing, playing the guitar, playing footy, playing golf, etc, etc. when the simple fact is that they aren’t. The truth is these ‘parents’ (who I have nothing but pure hatred for by the way) want to fast track their kids ‘fame’ so they can make shit loads of cash from them. You only have to look at the most dysfunctional family of them all, The Jacksons, to realise that. They are so seriously fucked up that the entire psychiatrist industry has them to thank for keeping them in business all these years The answer to all this is simple: no matter how much talent you think you or your kids may well possess, fame is not always for everyone and is almost certainly not for kids. Think about that before you look upon yourself or your child as the next big thing and make sure you have their and your own best interests at heart or that parent of the year award that Joe Jackson won so many years on the run or the BGT runners up trophy will not be gracing your mantle piece Mol