(Rubbish) Videos Killed the Radio Star

I’m a pretty big fan of most of the music played on MTV and other music channels alike and when it came onto our TV screens in the early eighties it was said by many that it was going to totally transform music. In a way it did as it gave the fans of the band in question a sort of ‘visual reference’ or ‘visual experience’ of the band hard at work making and playing the song. No one had any idea that it would pump billions of pounds into and become such an important cog of the music industry. And no one had any idea how the making of music videos would become so damn shit! So, in the same week the fantastic Spinal Tap announce they are to write a new album, I have one question: What ever happened to the days when videos were funny? Now, I won’t bore your bollocks off by giving you a musical history lesson, but everybody knows music videos have been around for many years prior to the birth of MTV, but they were just either live concert footage or a TV camera plonked in front of a band miming to their latest song with some nice ornaments and plants behind them. MTV changed all that dreariness and replaced it with the jazz, pizzazz and razzmatazz. Does anyone remember early MTV videos such as ‘Rio’ or ‘Wild Boys’ by Duran Duran or ‘Money for Nothing’ by Dire Straits? Shit examples I know, but when I was a kid (cue: Hovis music) during MTV’s inauguration I and everyone else in our house used to crowd around the telly just to watch these videos as they were fun! Of course compared to now they would be classed as old hat and out dated big time!, but in the mid eighties they were way ahead of their time and a relatively new experience for all music lovers, but sadly, today, that whole ‘style’ of big production music videos (like my hairline) is wearing a bit thin and becoming pretty predictable and very tedious. Now, if you’re like me, you spend most of your Sundays on the couch watching MTV2 or the NME channel you’ll know what I mean about the current crop of music videos … and how absolutely fucking boring they really are! If the artists who make these videos aren’t too busy standing on the edges of cliffs or mountains, parading round in sexy clothing having buckets of water thrown over them, panning in on big helicopter shots of New York or LA skyscrapers they’re driving a really fast big shiny car with some sexy young lady groping their crotch while she performs a good old ‘Linford’ on the guy driving the car!! – Shit, shit, utter shit!!! Fine examples of depressingly boring videos are usually from bands such as The Verve = kings of the moody videos. Richard Ashcroft seems to spend hours walking through a forest crouching down shouting his usual “no, no, no” or walking around his sun-soaked apartment while the rest of the band sit off reading Q magazine!! And I think I mentioned in a previous Blog about the Razorshite video when the four members of the band are lighting matches. Haha, now that really DOES make me laugh, but not in the comical sense, more out of sheer embarrassment I have another theory about new music videos = flesh, guitars & fast cars sell! Here’s a few points: The mere sight of a guitarist looking cool with a Gibson Les Paul down by his knees (ala: Slash) is pretty appealing to most up and coming axe men. Jay Kay driving a Ferrari round the French Alps at 100mph will make the most up and coming R ‘n B artist come in his (baggy) pants. And the sight of Christina Aguilera knocking seven bells of shit out of some other bird in a ring wearing the shortest tartan mini skirt is pretty much appealing to anyone (no matter what your sex), but the one bad thing about them is that they are all too bleeding serious!!! I don’t know whether the new ‘breed’ of music videos are made with the intention of not to offend anyone or down to the plain fact that no one has a sense of humour anymore, but personally, I think it’s down to the latter. Of course, the odd ‘gem’ does exist in today’s current crop that does, I suppose you could say: ‘break the mould’. Take for example ‘I Bet You Look Good on the Dance Floor’ by Arctic Monkeys with it’s old school low budget Granada Reports look to it and the quite superbly shot one-take tread mill madness of Ok Go’s ‘Here it Goes Again’, both thoroughly enjoyable to watch with pretty good songs to boot. But, sadly, both of these bands followed up these ‘unique’ videos with big budget blockbusters in the shape of ‘Brianstorm’ & Do What You Want’ which only swells the myth that once a band becomes big, boring and predictable … so do their videos. And that is basically it = the bigger the product the more people who ‘want on board’, money exchanges hands, egos become inflated, reputations within the circle of the music industry teeter on the verge of megalomania and everybody becomes happy (and rich) So, if you’re sick of the sight of J’Lo parading through her mansion showing off her fat arse, Girls Aloud giving out hand jobs in elevators to unsuspecting young chaps or Richard Ashcroft’s spotty grid sitting in a hotel room being a totally miserable bastard, I’m gonna finish this Blog with an idea to brighten up your Sundays: Get onto Youtube or itunes and have a blimp of the following funnies: Cut Your Hair – Pavement Fight For Your Right to Party & Intergalatic – Beastie Boys Growing on Me & Christmas Time (Don’t Let the Bells End) – The Darkness Been Caught Steelin’ – Jane’s Addiction Buddy Holly & We Are All On Drugs – Weezer Danger! High Voltage & Gay Bar – Electric Six No One Knows – Queens of the Stones Age The Majesty of Rock – Spinal Tap If you’re not happy after watching them or don’t find them funny, there’s something wrong with you. Either that or you’re a miserable bastard … or a Razorlight fan! Mol