Mad For It? Calm Down Lad!!

I don’t know about you, but I’m fucking sick to the back teeth of hearing about all things Manchester lately! (Sorry Neil)

So, being a true Scouser, I’ve decided to sit as (bias) judge and jury on the matter. Maybe its sour grapes about the recent footballing achievements of our ‘friends’down the M62, but when I spout my shit compared to Lord Ferg and his Pet Rat Neville, it ,makes me feel so much better about the city I love and proud of loving

I was watching a documentary the other day about Manchester music and, like most programmes about music on BBC4, it was pretty good

Now, to be brutally honest with you here, after watching the above programme, I really don’t see what all the hoo haa was about the Manchester music scene of the early nineties! Some was good, and some was utter rank!

The more ‘famous’ bands such as The Happy Mondays and The Stone Roses were more (in my opinion) a glorified cabaret band! – don’t worry, I’m not gonna mention Oasis in this Blog (for a change)

I always thought the more creditable Manchester bands were the likes of Massive Attack, Inspiral Carpets, The Charlatans* and The Fall. They had a lot more class in the way they were and the way the crafted their songs!

*I know The Charlatans were from Knutsford or some other ‘outer-wool’ area, but their music certainly fitted the style of Manchester for the time

But, what really got my goat about the programme was one thing – where was the programme about music from Liverpool???????

Liverpool has always had a fine music past obviously famous throughout the world, so why did the BBC decide to celebration about our lovely neighbours? Where’s our programme celebrating Liverpool music?

Liverpool’s two main bands of the nineties were without doubt Space & Cast. Not everyone’s cup of tea, but they did come up with some decent pop tunes for the time with (the exception of Space) some superb guitar licks that still makes the hairs stand on end to this day!

Manchester music, in my opinion, always lived in the past I thought: Candy Flip, The Charlatans and Inspiral Carpets always used to mimic the sixties freak-out era with over the top psychedelic videos with trippy lyrics “can you dig it” being an example of the typical hippy idealism from The Mock Turtles. As for the shaking of their bowl heard haircuts – I think the less said about that the better!

I always felt the lyrics and music approach in general from the likes of Space and Cast had a more gritty edge to it. Take the lyrics of ‘Neighbourhood’ by Space for an example. Highly fictional, of course, but strangely eerie and a little bit ‘odd’ “he’s a local vicar and a serial killer”

The La’s also portrayed a certain degree of ‘rough n ready’ with their lyrics about suburban boredom and the realities of drug use in a poverty-driven society. Pretty grim I’m sure most people would agree. Compare this to the rather glorified and ‘nice’ use of drugs by The Happy Mondays and The Inspiral Carpets and you’ll notice the world of difference.

Liverpool music tended to tell the truth about drugs, Manchester covered it over and over-glorified it! Hardly romantic, but very very true to the sense those drugs actually were bad, not good!

(Compare: Can You Dig It by The Mock Turtles to Failure/Doledrum by The La’s for a point of reference)

Manchester also coined the phrase “the summer of love”. What complete and utter bollocks!

I was a young man in the early nineties/late eighties and I can guarantee there wasn’t much “love” around in the north of England ate the time (especially in Liverpool). Anyone who had the naivety to actually believe should have had a look at the size of their bell bottoms at the time and thought “shit! I really did too many garys”

As for anthems, Manchester’s ‘flag ship’ anthem was without doubt Live Forever by Oasis. But, as Oasis proved some many times during their illustrious career they (and their songs) were not original. As for the song it self being an anthem for the nineties was it really or a glorified sound track to a cocky coke head’s lifestyle? (Mimicked by their lead singer no doubt)

Now, I know this all may sound like a rather partisan opinion towards my home town, which I am extremely proud of by the way, but I think pride in ones city is not a crime. The only crime I feel being committed is by the programme makers who are obviously showing a certain degree of biasness towards Manchester

Finally, Manchester’s greatest achievement in music has to be five young chaps who started life as glorified strippers and ended their careers as glorified camp strippers

I think you know who I’m talking about?

Take that and stick it in your pipe and smoke it, Manchester

Mol

Come Back, Baby Come Back!

So, The Icicle Works have announced a 30^th anniversary concert! What a crock of shit!

Has anyone else failed to notice that for a large chunk of the thirty years, The Icicle Works have NOT been together? Maybe they should have called it the 30^th Anniversary (with a bit if a gap in the middle because we split up as we hated each other quite a lot Tour)

Once again, as most of my readers will know, I hate all this money spinning bullshit about bands re-forming!

A few weeks back I was watching Sky Arts and they had a programme on about Duran Duran. They too were also celebrating their thirty-something years ‘together’.

But, during the inevitable boring arse-kissing interview afterwards they never once mentioned the stories about their fights and inevitable break up! And, as the whole subject of this Blog is about – the large gap they had in the wilderness not writing, playing or touring together was the main topic of the interview! All very nice and all very savvy (to guarantee people go to the gigs and buy the album no doubt?)

All they talked about was “getting back on the road” and taking their “great new songs” to their fans (that will never ever come close to the quality of their mid-eighties hits by the way). What they did talk about was the “good times” they had with their model girlfriends and other celebrity “friends”. How very fake!

So, why is it these bands call these comebacks anniversaries? It’s probably a bit along the lines of the culture we have in this country to simply re-name a thing that has become tedious and unsavoury.

The one band I used to have a lot of respect for was The Sex Pistols until they did their ‘reunion’ a few years back. Asked why they were doing it, John Lydon snarled “well we’re not doing it because we like each other, we don’t, and we actually hate each other! We’re only doing it for one thing - the money!” In a rather bizarre way I kind of I admired Lydon for saying that. He was hardly like Simon Le Bon Bon and his nice, sweet answers about his bezzy mates he shares a band with! Then again, the less said about Lydon and his Country Life Butter commercials ………

Recently, some of you may well know that I’ve re-joined the band with Stu, Mart and Ben. We have also recruited the services of a good mate of mine called Dr Mark Slade (who also does Gynaecology part-time)

Now, during our lengthy career together many years ago, we played well over one hundred gigs and released a good few half decent demos. You could say we had a pretty good acceptable slice of success for a band that was never signed to a record label. So, when we decided to get back together (albeit to sing cover versions as the slightly balding hairlines, grey hair and beer guts aren’t really appealing to many record labels these days) we didn’t call it a reunion or an anniversary! We just did it! Simple as that

So, why can’t these bands like Duran Duran and Icicle Works simply just announce that they’re getting back together instead of calling it a bleeding anniversary or a reunion? While their also at it maybe they could take a leaf out of John Lydon’s book and admit their real reasons for getting back together and tell us its simply for the money as to be brutally honest here: anniversaries are celebrations of certain events like weddings or birthdays.

I don’t think they should apply to bands getting back together

And finally the less said about a certain Dad Band from Manchester who has recently re-employed the services of a fat dancer the better!

Ch-ching!

Mol