Flame Grilled Beeber in a Box, anyone?

Is it just me or does anyone else find Justin Beeber extremely fucking distasteful?

Now, I’m not talking about the little fop-haired Canadian chap here in a bad way personally as I’m sure he might well be a very nice young chap, but you know what? ... Fuck it, I’m not gonna say nice things about him as, well, it just simply wouldn’t be me now would it?

I was browsing through one of the red tops the other day when I noticed some people who had queued for sixteen weeks to catch a glimpse of the afore mentioned Ewok. These ‘people’ were holding up placards with all kinds of rather embarrassing and, in some instances, perverse messages from mostly rotund women like “Justin, I might be old, but I still need a kiss” – it really did border on child molestation!

I really don’t understand what these people’s agendas are? (especially if they do get to have their ‘wicked way’ with this little chap?)

Are they going to take him home and do all kinds of horrible things to him like make him apple pie and custard? Make him some warm soup? Mollycoddle him? Breast feed him? Poor fucking bastard!

But, I also couldn’t help but think about the people behind the Stuey-Haired Munchkin who ‘pull the strings’ who have got him to such a massive stage at such a small age.

Do these people really look after him or do they simply treat the little fella like some sort of gimp? Beeber in a Box I suppose you could say? (sound a bit like the latest offer on the go at McDonalds or Burger King doesn’t it?) after which they simply give him a packet of monster munch and a bottle of Vimto to keep him happy while they count the gate receipts!

Then again, I’m sure there are far worse crimes against humanity other people can think of than locking this young geek in a box with a couple of chains and a gimp mask

By the way, I write this piece without ever actually listening to any of his so called music, so, give us a minute while I get onto the tinterweb and give this pube-less phenomena a listen.

I’ll be back in a tick .......................

** two minutes and ten seconds later **

................... yeah, just as I thought – he’s a pile of pre-pubescent fucking horse wank who really does deserve to be locked in a fucking box with a gimp mask for the rest of his sorry fucking existence!

Bring out the gimp!

Mol

Ben Pod-Cast

The great city of Madrid was the setting for a rather unfamiliar show of romance on my behalf and the knee was bent and the question was popped. Thankfully my missus did say yes (after saying “get up ye tit, ye making a show of me!”)

So, my dear readers, I know you’re thinking what the fuck has this got to do with music? Well, I’m coming to that

At my planned wedding in September I will have the rather splendid DJ (and all round complete bastard) Benjamin Edward Owens spinning some discs with plenty of Ray Von Style “Shabba’s” and not a single “New York, New York” in sight

So, in a shameless bout of advertisement/promotion for the afore mentioned ‘hit slayer’, he has done a pod cast for you to ‘sample his wares’. If anyone wants to have a listen, give him a shout. I’m sure most of you have his number and don’t be perturbed about him being as tight as two coats of gloss!

I’ll guarantee there will be plenty of sack rocking tunes for you to shake you bollocks to without a single Jive Bunny or Black Lace mega-mix version of “here comes the bride” in sight

And in a second bout of shameless advertising, I would like to inform anyone who is interested that I have joined up with the afore mentioned Spin Doctor in a new joint-venture to bring our music to the masses. Our debut DJ-ing set will take place in The Zanzibar on Seel Street in Liverpool on 26^th February 2011. Pop down if you wish.

You know what you have to do

Mol