You Can'r Check Out Anytime You Like

So, rock stars have stopped throwing tellies out of windows and driving cars into swimming pools. Shame really isn’t it?

Just been reading an article by some music ‘journo’ who claims rock stars are all nice and fluffy creatures these days compared to their compatriots thirty odd years ago.

To be honest, she does have a point, but the contents of the article are what I disagree with as she doesn’t really tackle the subject of WHY so many of today’s ‘stars’ tend to have an early night with a nice cup of hot chocolate instead of staying up for three days banging groupies and taking numerous cocktails of drink and drugs.

So why is it? Well one reason is that so many of today’s music stars have to portray an image that is sweaky clean. This is mainly down to ‘orders’ given from chief execs of record labels who don’t like to see rapid share losses from their multi billion pound businesses just because a story in one of the rags has broke about one of their stars being found in a hotel with an empty packet of Viagra, a trampoline and a donkey wearing fetish gear! Heaven forbid!

But, to be honest here, I think today’s crop of talented youngsters are nothing short of utterly fucking boring individuals who are more obsessed of how big their houses can be and how big their bank balances can be instead of keeping any form of personality or music integrity intact that they may once have possessed in a previous life

I don’t really want to single out any individual here, but in the true spirit of this Blog, I’m going to!

Now, take the likes of Keane for example. I was reading in the above mentioned article and it mentioned that when they are on the road touring they insist on their mattresses not being too tightly folded over on the side of the beds they are staying in!!!! Jesus Christ, I nearly fell out of bed pissing myself when I read that! Are they gonna ask for their mother’s to be on hand as well just in case they shit/wet the bed as well? What a gang of absolute quilts (hahaha- get it?) And to make matters even that more cringe worthy, the stuck-up chaps in Keane also insist (I must emphasise – insist) that their pillows don’t have feathers in them!

Seriously though, why should these people be treated in such a pampered way only a child under the age of two should warrant? Are they going to shit themselves if they don’t have their Horlicks heated to the right temperature? Are they going to spit their dummies out if they don’t have the UK Living Channel at just the right volume?

At the end of the day I really don’t see why these people should be treated in such a way as they are only making music

Keith Moon would be turning in his grave

Babies!

Mol

A Nod's As Good As A Wink ... To A Ginger Manc

Something’s in life really do render you breathless to the point you have just been fed a roasting hot Sayers sausage roll by some Huyton Ma’. As well as that, the saying “anything is possible” is probably the truest sentence ever used in music. Examples being – Simon Cowell wearing his kex below his tits, Susan Boyle buying hair removal cream and most recently (thinking my eyes were deceiving me) The Faces reforming ... WITH MICK FUCKING HUCKNALL AS LEAD SINGER!!!!

WHAT THE FUCK!!!

I’ve seen some bizarre comings together in the world of music in my time, but none quite as surreal as this it has to be said

Now, some of you know I’m a pretty big fan of The Faces. They were a great bunch of fellas who didn’t take themselves too seriously, told some great stories and wrote some superb songs. Simply Red on the other hand never have been a big hit with me (or most people of Liverpool to that effect) and represented a totally different genre of music to which The Faces adopted.

So you’d instantly think any form of coming together between the remaining members of The Faces and the soul ginger gimp-like driving force behind Simply Red was simply folly? Wrong!

Now, don’t get me wrong here, some come-backs can be pretty good especially for those fans with a certain un-breakable attachment and romance towards their heroes as they were in their hay day, but, let’s be brutally honest here, this just goes against all the rules of what is tasteful (and tasteless) when it comes to judging a come-back and I’m afraid to say my mind is made up here and I’ll give you my honest opinion on the matter – it’s fucking shit!

Imagine these scenarios: David Van Day stepping in for Mick Jigger or Johnny Borrell stepping in for Bono at Glastonbury. You honestly can’t tell me you think they aren’y wrong can you?

So, pending this story not being some sort of tabloid wind-up, what are we to expect from the Wrinkly Old Chaps from ‘Darn Sarf’ and the Legendary Ginger Manc Lothario? Are we going to hear Hucknall break into “Holding Back the Years” as they are half way through “Stay with Me”?

I certainly hope not as poor old Ronnie Lane (RIP) will be turning in his grave!

And I for one will not be attending or subjecting my ears to such crap!

Mol

Jeff Buckley - Expert in Girls Talk

Women! Sometimes they can really get (no pun) on your tits! You all know what I mean. For example: when they leave the tap on whilst brushing their teeth, engage in the most irrelevant of meaningless small talk and (most annoying of all) manage to leave their long strands of hair lying around so that, somehow, they end up wedged between the cheeks of your arse! (Any man who doesn’t own up to this by the way is a plain and simple liar)

So, my dear readers, you must be wondering what the fuck I am twittering on about. Well, it’s this – romance! Or more importantly – romantic lyrics

I was sat in the garden on the (only) most of summer’s days with my beloved. So, as any sane bloke would do, to drown out the endless and constant flow of ‘bird drivel’ coming out of my missus’ north and south, I put some tunes on

As an ode to my missus as I don’t like getting a cob on with her as she’s alright ye know, I thought I’d give Jeff Buckley a shout. Obviously I’m not going to ‘give him a shout’ as the poor fucker is brown bread. But, Jesus! What a lyricist! The man really was an utter genius. Pity he didn’t put as much time into learning how to swim as he did song writing

The song that really does get me ‘in the mood’ (more about that later) has always been ‘Lover You Should Have Come Over’. Here are a few examples of how great the lyrics Buckley came up with on this song:

“She’s a tear that hangs inside my soul for forever”

“A kingdom for a kiss upon your shoulder”

But! And it’s a big fucking but, Buckley’s lyrics are guaranteed any bit of snatch to grace (no pun) your bed sheets and with (un)fertilised eggs in the morning without a shadow of a doubt

So, next time your ‘on the prowl’, I suggest you have a listen to ‘Grace’ and especially the afore mentioned song for inspiration

You’ll be ‘taters deep’ in no time, lad

Mol

Songs for Tom & George

This week I, like some of you, was utterly shocked to read the latest Blog from a good mate of mine who writes about the current shenanigans surrounding Liverpool Football Club and their current owners. If you want to read more, check out Well Red. You will be truly shocked

Being a lifelong fan of LFC myself I was prompted by the afore mentioned ‘Good Egg’ to do a Blog in honour of LFC’s ‘Guardians’ and what songs could possibly be appropriate for these two titheads who have been running out great club into the ground over the last three years

So, with a special thanks to all my readers for their contributions to this Blog and especially to Mr Neil Condron for his outsanding contribution, here goes:

North American Scum – LCD Sound System

The Man Don’t Give a Fuck – Super Furry Animals

Tax Loss – Mansun

Money – Pink Floyd

You never give me Your Money – The Beatles

Beat It – Michael Jackson

Doledrum – The La’s

Fuck Off And Die – Viovod

Rape Me – Nirvana

Little House of Savages – The Walkmen

I Hate Everything About You – The Wonder Stuff

Sting Me – The Black Crowes

You Think I Ain’t Worth A Dollar, But I Feel Like A Millionaire – QOTSA

Grounds for Divorce – Elbow

Little Lies – Fleetwood Mac

This Town Ain’t Big Enough for the Both Of Us – Sparks

Stand and Deliver – Adam and the Ants

Kick Out the Jams – MC5

Money’s Too Tight To Mention – Simply red

High and Dry – Radiohead

This House is a Circus – Arctic Monkeys

Shake Your Money – Black Grape

Ain’t No Easy Way Out – Black Rebel Motorcycle Club

Stuck in a Rut – The Darkness

We Just Won’t be Defeated – The Go! Team

The Evil That Men Do – Iron Maiden

Laughing Stock – Love

Your Time is Gonna Come – Led Zeppelin

21^st Century Rip Off – The Sound Track of Our Lives

No Fun – Iggy and the Stooges

Friction – Television

I Think I Smell a Rat – The White Stripes

And finally...

Won’t Get Fooled Again – The Who (take note of the lyrics in this one by the way)

So, George & Tom, if by any chance you just might be reading this, I and millions of other fans of Liverpool Football Club have a message for you: You won’t dampen our spirits, you won’t take away our will and you won’t crush our resolve! We are here to stay and we will be here long after you two wankers have drove off into the sunset with your packed bags and your tidy ‘ransom’. In other words – do one ye pair of Texans!

Finally, in honour of the Liverpool fans all around the world and especially The Spirit of Shankly movement, there can only be one true song for us. I think you know how it goes

“When you walk .........”

Mol

It Was Acceptable In The 80's

Ah, the eighties. Seems its back … with a vengeance!

Just been watching one of them documentaries featuring all matter of jaaag celebrities talking about their exploits during the eighties. You know the type of programme featuring Bob Mills and Annie Lennox talking about their hey days gone by.

Anyway, If you manage to ask anyone about this decade of bizarre make up and new romantics I’ll guarantee they will roll their eyes in disgust (or embarrassment depending on how old they are). It usually gets a pretty bad reputation, and, in some musical instances, rightly so. What I mainly remember about the eighties (when I was growing up of course) was Tizwaz, Chackerjack and my Art teacher (Mr Nuttall) going off his head trying to control a gang of twenty-odd mad school kids calling him “Mr Nutter” and throwing markers and board dusters at him!

When ever people think of the eighties a lot will instantly think of the likes of Paul Young with his twenty five backing singers singing about where he left his fucking hat, Madonna singing about being a virgin (see opening scene of Reservoir Dogs for funny anecdote) and of course the outrageous fashion sense of the likes of Spandau Ballet, Duran Duran and Bros (hands up who still collect the Grolsch bottle tops – Heyzie). It’s examples like this that maintained that bad rep!

But, it wasn’t really all that bad to be honest

The eighties also gave us many fine artists that many people seem to forget about. The likes of The Smiths, Frankie Goes to Hollywood and The La’s all fell into the so called creditable bracket as I like to call it. These were the bands that stood up to the ‘old guard’ (Phil Collins, Paul Young, Dire Straits, etc, etc) and the ‘dreamt up’ bands that the labels created (and dressed) who appealed to the masses of pubescent teenage girls who were too busy having wet dreams over the posters on their walls of Curiosity Killed the Cat, Bros and Spandau Ballet instead of actually taking time to listen to the ‘music’ they were no doubt forced to sing (and release). And while were on the subject, can anyone tell me what the fuck Paul Young knows about the ‘love of the common people’? Always baffled me that!

The eighties, rather fortunately, also gave us the glam rock era. Many of you avid readers know I’m a bit of a metal fan and pretty much know how much I detested the glam scene of the early eighties both here and more notably in America. But you have to admit here, the sight of Dave Lee Roth & David Coverdale’s Poodle haircuts, Def Leppard’s one armed drummer and the rather striking and controversial Blackie Lawless from W.A.S.P. (White Anglo Saxon Protestants or We Are Sexual Perverts – it’s your call on what they were officially called) were quite superb comedy value. Love them or hate them, they did exist and if you turn over to VH1 at anytime during any day you are bound to see them and give out a chuckle. Joan Jet & The Blackhearts and Heart on the other hand, that gave birth to the phenomena that was The Power Balled! The less said about that the better eh?

So what of today’s crop of eighties throw backs? There does seem to be a hell of a lot of them around.

Here’s a few other examples:

Iglu & Hartley (topless torso with white kex – please), Le Roux (robot like female Kraftwerk rip off), Friendly Fires (seriously over elaborate and indulgent video makers with over-synthesized vocals),

The most dramatic of transformations of today’s bands has to be Mystery Jets though. Jesus! One minute they are Indie Popsters singing some decent … well … Indie tracks. The next minute they’re parading round with un-even style bowl head haircuts while looking like Crocket & Tubbs in a New Order video! Check out ‘In Love with a Girl’ and you’ll see (and hear) what I mean.

What does baffle me about this new wave of eighties impersonators is the praise they receive from their peers. Personally I don’t get it as I’m a bit of a stickler for original music and for bands who have a ‘re-inventing the wheel’ moment. Whether they are shit or good, it’s still original. To that, I take my hat off. Recycling, on the other hand, that should be left to the bin men who sort my rubbish out every fortnight

But, recycling is, if you really think about it, what they are doing. Money for old rope! Been there, done that, re-bought the (medium) t-shirt. And while were on the subject of T-shirts, how long will it be before we start seeing kids walking around with “Frankie says Relax” or “Choose Life” T-shirts? Not long I think

But, (and here’s my Jerry Springer moment) Music will always re-invent itself! Always has done, always will, there’s absolutely no doubt about that. And the kids who dress up like they’re about to film Club Tropicana two are not about to take over the world just yet.

So rest easy tonight, put your deck shoes on and put your feet up and watch Miami Vice on Dave and look forward to what really did fuck up the 80's = Tories!

Mol

X Marks The Spot

I know everyone is probably sick to the back teeth of reading about the forthcoming election, so, the last place you probably expected to read about it was in Mol’s Sound Words? Right? ... Wrong!

So, for a bit of a twist on the usually bullshit you’ve been listening to over the last month from lobbyists, journalists and spin doctors I was thinking about what songs should the respective candidates for the post of Prime Minister adopt for their election campaigns.

Here are a few suggestions I had in mind:

Gordon Brown: It’s got to be Street Fighting Man by The Rolling Stones. Brown is a big, bawdy monster of a man capable of ‘having anyone’ in the ring I reckon (that basically means he can kick Cameron and Clegg’s head in easily). Perfect song for him I reckon. It might also be a good idea to have Golden Brown by The Stranglers only with the words changed to: “Gordon Brown, taxes the poor” . and finally, after this weeks debacle in Rochdale, maybe a track by The Audio Bullies wouldn’t go a miss? (get it?)

Nick Clegg, in my opinion, Slick Nick looks more like a pill-popper from the summer of 1989 looking for a ‘love in’ on Ainsdale Beach after necking a few ‘Gary’s’. I think his track should be original version of ‘You’ve Got the Love’ by The Source. This is mainly down to his new found popularity amongst the (young) voters of this country. A big smiley t-shirt, a beaney hat and a pair of semi-flares instead of a suit also wouldn’t go a miss

David Cameron: ah, good old foppish Dave with his dodgy side part and rolled up sleeves (supposedly representing the working class man). It’s a tough one which song to choose for ‘Dodgy Dave’. Personally I think ‘Liar’ by Henry Rawlins would be perfectly suited. Either that or ‘The First Cut Is the Deepest’ by Rod Stewart as it seems that is the first thing his party are (allegedly) planning to do if they get into Downing Street

So, who ever comes out on top could well be singing we are the champions and the two runners up (obviously without the result of a hung parliament) might just have to listen to don’t look back in anger

Tally ho!

Mol

Absolutely Gagging For It

Was a usual Sunday this week for me (hangover, couch, paper, roast, pornography, etc, etc). Need a serious lifestyle change I reckon.

One thing really did stand out for me on this rather mundane of Sundays that absolutely baffled me though. Don’t laugh now, but I was watching the top 20 Dumb Ass Videos on MTV2 for a bit of a laugh as some of them are actually quite funny and it does beat Songs of Praise or Heartbeat doesn’t it? Anyway, about half way through up popped a video by a band I really do like, it was Hash Pipe by Weezer and to my amazement every time the singer sang the word ‘Hash’ in Hash Pipe, it was blanked out by MTV! HASH!!!! Un-f*cking-believable!! But, it gets better, when the song had finished and they then went onto show the title of the song and the artist, it came up … Hash Pipe, Weezer. How I f*cking laughed!

Another thing I noticed on the same show was a song by Franz Ferdinand called ‘Do you Wanna’. Now, this song contained the rather risqué lyrics of “he’s ye friend and I blew him before ye”. Obviously a reference to male oral sex wouldn’t you agree and plainly ‘ok’ for MTV to show on the national day of rest?

So my point is this: Why is it ok to show naughty words, but not ok for them to sing it? And who on this great big massive earth, apart from Mary Whitehouse (who is dead by the way) or some religious fanatics would be offended by someone saying ‘hash’? Weezer hardly said C*nt or Tw*t or “stick this smack loaded needle into my helmet now you aids-ridden crack whore c*nt” now did they? What will they ‘muffle’ next? Knickers? Bottom? Breast? Nipple? Bum? Bloomers? Golly Gosh?

We have come a long way though if you compare it to 40 years ago.

At the height of their popularity, The Doors and The Stones both appeared on the Ed Sullivan show in the mid sixties and were told to ‘change’ their lyrics in the ‘interests’ of their viewers (mainly fundamental Christians who were used to burning these bands’ albums as the deluded f*ckers used to think they were actually the devil re-incarnated). The Doors were told to change the lyrics in Light My Fire from “girl we couldn’t get much higher” to “girl we couldn’t get much better”. The Stones were asked to change the lyrics in Lets Spend the Night Together to “let’s spend some time together”. Strangely enough it was The Doors who never appeared again on the Ed Sullivan show as they refused to compromise over the lyrics, The Stones, on the other hand did compromise. Very un-stones like wouldn’t you say? However both situations are utterly pathetic and damn right patronising to both bands to even suggest such a drastic change in lyrics which were hardly, let be honest here: extremely risqué. But, it is usually America and Britain were most of these ridiculous censors come from who both claim to stand for freedom and democracy. Free countries? Don’t make me f*cking laugh!!

It’s not just swearing & sexual pastimes that have been censored when it comes to lyrics, some bands that have a certain political belief can also have their lyrics censored.

I take it everyone remembers the uproar caused by Frankie Goes to Hollywood’s Relax during the eighties? Pretty close to the knuckle lyrics I’m sure you would agree, but the band were censored for the second time when they released Two Tribes. I’m not too sure it was the contents of the song that was banned, but the video certainly caused some controversy (it was a satirical look at a fictional fight between President Reagan & President Gorbachov in case you didn’t know) and was subsequently banned. Can you imagine stuff like that being allowed today? Too right you could! You only have to look at an Eminem video to see how much has actually changed!

But going back to my initial point about Weezer and the mention of drugs is just plain and utter nonsensical. The way I see it is when it comes to censoring lyrics, swearing and other ‘naughty’ words, they are part of the social make-up of most of the decent songs history has ever produced. These words are real, people do say them. So why do the powers that be have to take this away from us and demonise them? I’m not saying swearing is the be all and end all of a typical conversation in today’s working class society (although I’m still yet to hear Stuey swear, or see his feet to that affect), but sometimes it just seems natural to curse in the style of someone on a documentary about Tourettes sufferers with your mates when your down the pub.

I know I do it far too much as I’m regularly reminded by my mother, but if this continuous ‘action’ against bad language persists, what is the future of music as we know it now? Are we going to see a generation of kids starting bands singing and writing songs for the religious channels on television and singing in churches instead of gritty spit-and-sawdust music venues? Are we going to be flooded with goody-two-shoes singers like Aled Jones & Gareth Gates singing about bunny rabbits, being touched by god (not down below though) and all things generally nice about the world? It’s a sad and f*cking pathetic state of affairs if you ask me! And the way I see it is that the more you ban it, the more people are gonna do it.

So, without sounding like Hugh Fearnly Wittingstall, I’ve decided to start another campaign. It’s called the ‘Go and Get F*cked’ Campaign. It’s aimed at people who are thinking about starting a band. The idea is that every band should have a profanity in one of their songs and the title of their band.

Whose up for it?

No one?

Ok, f*ck ye then

Mol