Pushing All The Wrong Buttons

Many bad things are imposed on us during our brief lives that we reluctantly have to accept. Examples such as taxes, politicians and penalty shoot outs to name just a few. Sadly the same has to be said of music. And it’s mainly down to the death of the Jukebox! Shit mix tapes played in pubs these days have replaced the choices of the consumer (drinkers) of what they want/have to listen to whilst having a pint with their mates. Even worse is the fucking god awful background music some pubs and clubs choose to have. These places sometimes make you feel like your attending a wake rather than a pub! If you don’t believe me, take a trip to The Derby Lodge or The Crofters Arms in Huyton. Take a good book while your at it as well Even worse are the places that choose to have no music what so ever! Take the rather pathetic and extremely tasteless Weather Spoon’s as an example = no atmosphere, shit clientele and utterly shit food! This, in my opinion, is the result of not having any music played. One word = soulless Now, many of my avid readers will know my much-loved ability in the fine art of ranting and some of you may well think I have a certain degree of tongue-in-cheek about my Blog’s, but I can assure you hear that I am deadly serious when it comes to music that is imposed on you. As for the reasons behind these ‘changes’, I firmly believe the main reason Jukeboxes no longer exist (in most pubs) is down to the nation’s obsession with food, the owner’s chance of making money and family-friendly environments. Now don’t get me wrong here, pubs with families in them aren’t completely bad places (apart from the scum bags who spend all day getting pissed while their six year old kids play on the fruit machines), but in most cases it does mean the sacrifice of the music for the sake of the food. That for me makes it more intolerable. If you don’t believe me, I was once told to stop swearing and being generally loud in one of the above mentioned pubs as it might upset the children … it was 9.00pm at the time. Needless to say the member of staff was (politely) told to get fucked (I think my exact words were “is this a pub or a nursery?”) and I’ve not been back their since! But there are the odd exceptions to the rule: superb places like Ye Craic, The Pilgrim, The Fullwood Arms and the legendary Swan all situated in Liverpool possess the finest jukeboxes I’ve ever had the pleasure to spend fifty pence on. I particularly love the rotating jukeboxes with the hand written labels on them that obvious contain a ‘Blag CD’. Superb stuff! Places like this are the exception to the rule and you will usually find they are independently owned by people who enjoy their music more than their profits. They also contain some rather superb characters who love their music and a more of a pleasure to sit with than most snobs and WAG’s who do drink in some of the soulless places I have mentioned above So, in honour of the good souls that choose to have juke boxes in their pub, I offer a toast … “Raise your glasses and shake your arses” Anyone got a quid? Mol

Get Ye Brits Out!

It’s Groundhog Day … Again . Yes, Ladies and Gentlemen, it’s that time of year again: Brit Award Nominations!! FU-KING-GREAT! There was once again another bout of silliness on behalf of the ‘judges’ for the Brit Awards when they awarded The Fat Dancer from Take That a Outstanding Achievement Award at the grand old age of … wait for it … 37!! Does this mean if he continues in music (to be successful or not) until he reaches the age of 74 he will receive a double Outstanding Achievement Award? (Let’s just hope he doesn’t make it to 111 eh?) Another thing that kind of took the jam out of my donut about this year’s nominations was the Brit’s category of ‘The Last 30 Years …’ How very self indulgent of them!! As for the 30 years of British Albums, the list baffles me so much! Most notably ‘No Angel’ by Di(L)do, ‘Diamond Life’ by Sade, ‘Rockferry’ by Duffy and ‘Brothers in Arms’ by Dire Straits. Don’t get me wrong here, but surely there has been better albums released by British Artists over the last 30 years than this shortlist wouldn’t you agree? Sounds like another example of bands that have actually won something at The Brits instead of them looking at the wider aspect so British Music! One thing I have noticed about this year’s nominations is there is no award for Best International Band. I don’t really see the point in having best international female artist, male artists, breakthrough artists, album, but not International Band? Are the Brits now ‘Anti-Band’? If so, why on earth did they go to so much trouble to ‘create’ an award for The Darkness five years ago and award Iron Maiden for best live band last year? Seems they’ve shot themselves firmly in the bollocks with that one Finally, the most talked about music issue on the planet at the moment: Susan Boyle – one in the eye for the ultimate Simon Cowell Protégée for no nomination at this year’s awards. Now, we all know she has sold more albums than any other person in the entire solar system over the last year, but I’m afraid it’s a case of tough shit in my opinion. Her lack of nominations might also have something to do with the fact that the songs she sings are not her own! If she’d focus more on writing her own songs instead of waxing her eyebrows she might walk home from the Brit Award 2011 with enough awards to pull down Simon Cowell’s kex!!! Finally, as regards SUBO (as she is rather ridiculously known as), I do have some helpful advice for her and her fans: when you make hey with the devil, expect a pitch fork in your arse at some point. Mol

Been Around The World

Before I start, I would just like to state that this Blog has nothing what so ever to do with East 17. I’d also like to wish everyone a happy new rear In case you didn’t know, I have recently been on a most fantastic holiday to Australia visiting my two wonderful sisters and their family and friends. During this epic voyage me and the missus had the rather perilous task of having to endure seven flights (four of which were long haul flights) The airline we had the pleasure of travelling with basically cater for all your needs including drink (which they nearly ran out because of my thirst), food, film, TV and of course music. During our penultimate flight (Singapore to London) I became a bit sick of watching film after film and very tired and pretty emotionally charged so I decided to have a browse through the in-flight play list. After a bout of Neil-Cannon style randomising (yes, I did go for obvious ‘Down Under’ by Men at Work) I had a listen to two songs that kind of set off ‘the water works’ First up was ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’ by Queen. Now, in case you didn’t know, I take great interest in song’s lyrics, especially those songs that have a story surrounding them. Any how many members of the music press seen the song at the time as lyrical mumbo jumbo, but ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’ is a song about one man’s despair after accidentally killing someone and as his punishment facing execution he bares his soul to the devil for a stay of execution. Personally I think it is utterly stunning to write about such stuff (whether it be fiction or non fiction, it beats writing shit love songs doesn’t it?) The second song to get me going was ‘Imagine’ by John Lennon. Lennon always had this knack of appealing to his audience as a man with a simple message. This opinion is perfectly portrayed in the song Imagine. It is such a simplistic view of how a man of peace (and conscience) viewed a world without aggression, war, hatred and tyranny (“you may say I’m a dreamer/but I’m not the only one” – for example). I’ve often thought how all the leaders of this world would react if they were gathered together and forced to listen to this song But, all things said, there is one true fact: no matter where you go and no matter how far you travel, music will always find a way to touch you emotionally. That’s why we love it so much Either that or I just miss my sisters

Mol